Monday, January 29, 2007

Words ringing in my head

So she took my hand before leaving the ceremony as I extended mine modestly. She felt the ring on my finger and took a long pause just looking at it. And so she fnally said..

"Miza.. ini tanda kasih dia. Kasih yang pertama dari mertua kamu. Jagalah semua sebaik-baiknya."

And everytime I looked at it, these words never fail to remind me what all these means. Thank you Mak Benta. For making me feel loved. You're always rich with hidden messages in your words.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

mengapa perlu ada rasa sangsi..

*i thought we're open minded but they seem to be more than us*

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Fallen pieces

First outing since E-day. Got my tix upgraded (yippee!) and good seats. Transferred money for Jan rent and went around looking for ... bank to cash in his money. Then went back to his office, a farewell gathering from his friends while I drove home.

I do feel a bit tired from all these preparations, events, settlements. Surprise, surprise but I do feel like starting uni and 'bergelut' with assignments, datelines and presentations right now. Workaholic? I wonder myself too sometimes. Papa's blood runs thicker as I grow older.

As for the rest of my heartfull worries, I've decided to let time and God handle it. It has gone beyond my control. I'm glad she seems more understanding (seems aja). I hope she'll get better.

*hanging on a thread hoping things will fall into place*

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

5 more days


Yep.

I'm counting the days again. Funny how I miss places back and forth.

I've bought some things in my list. But I still need shoes. Am not shoes freak. I only own .. humm.. let's see .. 3 sneakers.. 2 high heels.. 2 slippers.. 1 boots.. and 1 furry house-slippers. That's not so bad, eh? My all time fav white heels have broken recently when I dropped Kda's sofa on my small toe and had to be rushed to the nearest clinic. That's when Daya wore my heels in exchange to me wearing her wide slippers and she broke it. Kaki dia kembang sgt! Sigh..

Was in mv with mom. We bought new house fax/copier/answering/cordless phone machine. She wants details. I topped up some toilettries for my bathroom and some undies. Humm.. maybe I should get the pair of jeans.. hee..

Lunch with Aunty Poya at Shook and caught up with Sally Gourmet. The Marriot Hotel (Ritz Carlton) gave us (Him and I) strawberries dipped in chocolates in a chest box on our E-day. It was beautiful. They're doing our big day cake. And also the goodies on both our sides. Met Kak Intan in the gourmet. She's pregnant again.

His ticket is ready to be picked up tomorrow. And mine's waiting to be upgraded.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

i don't need to be scared off with your stories.. i don't need this right now.. i understand i need to be cautious.. but most of all i need you to be by my side.. she obviously thinks i'm taking something that is hers away from her.. so i need to learn how to win her heart.. let her love flows and falls onto me as how your love flows endlessly to me..

so she adds,
if it were to happen to .. i would've probably done the same thing

*that's the only way she can relate to things when it comes to understanding me*

Monday, January 22, 2007

Addiction

i want to go home.
i mean MY home.

once again, i've fallen into her 'trap'. was i the one whom wanted this?

perhaps i am not made for her to be liked.

sometimes the simplest thing is hardest to understand.

abg pu and i talked for hours the night after the ceremony. we've not had long chats since ages. we came to the conclusion that i have been, i am and i will always be seento her as her 'challenger'. no one can talk to her, none can make her change but only circumstances. major ones. perhaps he's right. and i wonder what the circumstance will be.

i thought i could make you happy. i thought i could make you proud. but my achievements seem to spark anger in you. so i run again. and as the pattern continues, i couldn't find a way to stop.

you're right baby, it is an addiction.

"do you want me to break this off..? tell me what you want. you had wanted me to do this. and so i did. you know you are influential. you can memperkecilkan orang and you can also membesarkan orang. so now tell me what you want so i can feed your ego and satisfy your power. because right now i can see a failure in my life with words you put into my head."

Saturday, January 20, 2007

E-day

Today's also the day Meen found her new man. Congratulations! I'm so so happy for you. After years of waiting.. finally! So many talks, so many speculations we made.. and now it ends and becomes a reality. So I pray for your happiness together and may this journey has more ups than downs filled with many many joy and laughters.

*and today.. i start my own journey on a different level and a different path*

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

and all these left me feeling cheated..

Monday, January 15, 2007

5 days to go..

So this is 2007.
New Year night as usual were painted with mesmerizing fireworks.
I like the number 2 0 0 7.

It's been a while since I wrote. We just got our internet connection fixed (FINALLY!) at home (here in Msia) after nearing a year living without it. No idea how these people had lived.

I've only few days left of being single. Not been thinking about it too much. Was too busy with preparations and by night fall, I'll be too tired to even start thinking. Sorry folks, some preparation pictures will not be uploaded till after the E-day. Since some people I've invited views this blog regularly, I wouldn't wanna spoil the surprise for them. =)

Things back home have not been as hectic I thought. Not till nearing the Day. People at my facial treatment centre had complained my skin looks tired and dull lately. Must be from the long flight journey, anxieties, and endless thoughts. Mowkie's fur looks dry and coarse, Mom had changed her food. My attire has not been fitted.. oh I can't seem to even list here things that's not done, it freaks me out just by thinking about it. Meen and Haz will be coming Thursday night since Haz wouldn't be able to make it on E-day. Big apology to Adil for not attending his bday party last Saturday. Sibuk buat bunga la, dil. Jangan merajuk and not attending my E-day pulak! I'm waiting for my E-cupcakes ni! hehee..

As for my mental and emotional state, with family and him around, it has been a lot calmer. Tomorrow's another busy day.