Especially, for you

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

-Keirsey & Bates (1984)

Made my day

Guess who called today?
Jules!

She just got back from a trip and was thinking about this trip we had long ago back in 2005 and was wondering if I'd come over since she's on her hoidays. Of course!

Relief

So those busy days has ended. Now it's back to setting eyes in front of the laptop writing up client reports and working against time. Only that my time is not as rushed *lucky*

From the intense engaging with clients the past week, there's so much been found, discover, re-cover, un-cover.

I
Socialising with one person at a time, or with small intimate groups, rather than with large gatherings. Being an observer rather than an active participant. Being close to relatively few people, seeking intimacy with a few rather than acquaintanceship with many. Reserve in expressing personal feelings. Freedom from the burden of having to make small talks.

S
To prefer an approach that is realistic and practical. To enjoy dealing with things that are real and tangible, where results obtained can be seen and measured. To be more at home in situations that are firmly grounded in facts and experience, and that involve little or no theory. To feel most comfortable with action that leads to practical results. To prefer, in education at any level, applied fields which lead to directly useful accomplishments. To do things in the accepted and traditional ways. To go with facts as they are.

T
To be tough-minded: to look at things on their merits and act accordingly. To find it hard to bend, when the situation calls for gentleness. To rely on impersonal, logical approach in making decisions. To forget, in matters of personal concern, that things one truly cares about are important, logical or not. May need to be reminded to factor in what one cares about in making decisions. To be questioning and critical. To enjoy a good argument and let the chips fall where they may. To disagree inwardly much of the time without necessarily saying so.

P
To enjoy the variety of frequent changes and to want time free and uncommitted. To prefer not to cross a bridge before reaching it. To start projects without feeling a need to organise beforehand. To learn more by exploring what engages curiosity than by persistent effort. To work best at jobs requiring adaptability to handle changes, emergencies, or a variety of activities. To be casual and easy-going.

In the midst of everything else, I've also started searching for jobs.

5 months..

and still going strong =)

Got home from my session today, tired. He made us special dinner and we watched Dr. House and Medium. Could hardly open my eyes while watching Medium ends. Knocked out immediately after.

Papa

Papa selalu pesan,
"kita ni hidup biar kaya dengan ilmu"
Lately I've been thinking of papa a lot. Maybe there's something he wants to say.
Perhaps I already know what it is. I know what you want. I'll try, I promise.
Or he's just missing me too =)

Marijuana

I woke up this morning with a splitting headache. So took a long hot shower, stretched out and the next thing I knew, my headache's gone. Perhaps it was from the icy freezing wind last night.

Last night's session went more than I expected. I was supposed to have coffee with Peter last Monday but totally had forgotten about it! Didn't get to catch up with him before he left! Oh well, can't have 'em all.

After the session, he waited for me then we went for late dinner with couple of friends. I've forgotten the last time I laughed SO much! We were supposed to join Sharon at the Austral but we thought we saw her with Greg, her latest crush, there so we didn't want to bother and decided to have dinner instead. Which was delightful! Good company, always compensates the food. An hour later, while waiting for the bus to get home, Sharon called and asked if we all wanted a lift. Are you kidding? In this weather? Of course!! So she picked us all up and we asked how her night was when she goes "I saw you guys passing by, and thought you'd join us, I was with Debbie and Gia, we were just chatty and having drinks" As usual, not being able to cover my expression (luckily I sat at the back), I turned to one of us and gave each other a 'serve-you-right' smile. Who the hell did we saw back there!?

That night as we reach home, Adil and Haz talked about a situation he is in now. Haz experienced it once before with this person, last year. This is not the first time I heard about this person with regards to problems as these, my two other ex-housemates experienced with the same issue while the other warned me about this person. So we all came to the conclusion, no more being Mr/Ms Nice. Perhaps when it comes to his/her own benefit, he/she wouldn't mind even if it's at other people's loss. Ini lah dia, bila kita buat baik, dia naik pijak kepala kita.

Haz is making milo-chips-cookies (we ran out of choc chips) and I got so distracted from doing my work, that I had to go upstairs and make "Cik Mek Molek". This, I know for sure is a traditional Malay sweet dessert originally from Kelantan (as we all can understand from the name =) so I am proud to say, I made this from scratch (well, don't ask about the taste, still waiting for him to come back from work to test it =p)

It sure is funny. As soon as we close the main door last night we could hear Adil's voice asking if we've had dinner. Why? Because both of them are enjoying my last 2 pieces of focaccia bread as sandwiches while we were out! I didn't even get to taste them! =) =) So that night at midnight, I rolled up my sleeves and made another batch of the bread keeping in mind to make extras. This morning, he took 2 pieces to work. I asked, I wonder why this bread is disappearing too fast! He replied, because the herbs smells like marijuana. Huh??

Back to hit my books!

One down.. two to go!

I've finally completed my client report for CPIA today. Yippee! It's closing case this evening, can't wait to get it done and over with. At least one I'm over with.

Raelin called this morning looking for a place to park her car. She asked if we're confirmed coming to her bday party at the Tap Inn. Geez, with the amount of work I have, I dunno. Now I'm waiting for my dvd to finish writing then off for lunch/dinner with my beloved before going into session. I found this rather disturbing yet it left me with awe about an autistic girl on youtube. Getting into the minds of them. I will definitely have lots of input on it with a lot of thoughts too. There's too little time to do so at this moment so I'll leave it be for a while.

Made focaccia bread last night intending for them to be my sandwich bread (we've stopped buying bread loaf anymore, I make them instead). And guess how many is left now. 2! Can't really blame them, they are nice to eat plain. I don't get frustrated when these things happen. I should have expected them to happen. Bad judgment. But they're my sandwich bread! Intending to last me for a whole week! hehe. I love it when my bread goes missing quickly. So I guess am going to have to go buy bread now at the supermarket. Unless work gets too much for me then I'll head for the kitchen to making bread. Hmm.. I dunno. These days, even the simplest decision is hard to make.

Suc's so funny today. She who taught me what "too nice becomes fake" is. And today it's "toooo nice it gets on your nerves"!!? In the beginning, I honestly thought this girl must be mad and not to take her too seriously when she says such thing. I just simply can't relate to what it means. How do you be nice, and be fake or get annoying to other people? It just doesn't make sense to me. Thanks to my dear friend here, who taught it all. Yep, I feel like I should award you with something for warning me way, way much ealier. She's just one crazy girl. And to think we actually lived together in one room! Miss you heaps, babe! Her brother and mom is coming soon. Great!

Anthony

Yesterday after tossing and turning to get some sleep the night before, I woke up to my handphone screaming. Didn't bother to picking it up, and tried to going back to sleep but couldn't so I listened to the voice message left. It was Anthony. Alerting me that the application due date is today (yesterday) and he wants my application on his table by 5pm. Thinking to myself, what application? It can't be student guide, but if not, then what is it? I've been working as a student guide under him since 2005. It is a per semester-job so everytime the semester's coming to an end, Learning Connection releases the application forms for students to apply. Only this time, I am graduating in August hence I will no longer be a continuing student from then on therefore I cannot apply. Funny thing is, I have told Anthony I won't be working anymore and we all had had a small celebration to my last day yet he took effort to calling me early in the morning to make sure I apply again.

I tried calling him back several times and couldn't get through (not surprised) so I decided to email him instead. Groggily. Having discussed the issue with my beloved, taking in his advise and also not taking any chances, I fill out the application form halfway and took a shower while waiting for him to reply my email. Thinking to myself, it's either I'm bloody good at this job that he wants me to work with him again regardless knowing that we'd breach the rules, or he's in desperation needing people filling in the position, which would be impossible. Ever since they started giving out this student guide position, there would at least 250 students if not more, applying for the position. With only 18 positions released, it's hard to believe they are desperate wanting students to fill in. They should be able to get students in a snap of fingers, anytime.

He replied.
He forgot!
He congratulated, wished me all the best and told me to come look for him if I'm still unemployed by end of the year.

Smiling to myself, I deleted my half filled application form and went upstairs to water my plants. I remember the first time I applied for the job. It was winter, I was in my beat-up jeans and black coat. The lady before me has her hair up, perfect make-up and a light brown suit. The gentleman opposite me in tucked-in shirt, and waxy hair. The other gentleman next to me in a jumper and jeans. We talked about the places we've travelled and workplaces we've been. I remember feeling so left out looking at my clothes and was sure they wouldn't even consider looking at me. I put on a brave face and as much confidence I can when my name's being called.

All four of us got in.

We even hung out once in a while. Rachel, is still working with them and at uni completing her studies in Nursing; Chris, working at DIMIA now; Timothy, lurking around somewhere at uni (kidding!). All of us didn't need an interview anymore to get a position there, only to fill in application forms. It wasn't an easy position to get into, I must say. I remember Meen tried twice some time ago and she got through til interview point the second time then they had to turn her down due to her time clash with her practicals. I remember her saying that they could have given her different time scheduling etc etc, but I doubt they'd do that for just one person. They might as well just pick another person with the amount of applicants they get. Izmia got it and only able to work once with them - she graduated. Ti Li didn't get, and she was not happy. Kok Tong got it and we worked together once. He must be studying somewhere else now. I know he wants to do history studies, elsewhere.

Adil, Haz, him and I finally got down to some pep talk tonite. It was good talk, we haven't hung out and chat since the catering night. We're all busy with exams coming up around the corner and assignments due. Speaking of which, I need to get back to. Yikes!

*not everything in my life here is about you*

The Perfect Day

My honey is right now concentrating on doing his presentation. It's nice to see him working hard on this.

The night before, I tried to 'reward' his hard work these past few days by making his favourite meal (mok stuff) and yesterday we went out for brunch (mexican food) initially, but somehow went on til dinner (lebanese and mediterranean). And our dinner, included with some belly dancing performance =) Then we went watching live band before heading home past midnight. It was a perfect day, I must say (though my right ear is still ringing from the loud music) but I love the idea of going out without planning and ended up with things rather interestingly =)

The days are getting colder and my basil is starting to get frost bites so tonight for the first time, I brought it in. Soon all of them might be heading indoors.

Haz bought a guitar yesterday. She called us while we roam around town - asking him opinions and such. We anticipated that she'll be waiting for us to come home early yesterday and we were right. Poor girl. So today she got the whole noon to practice and seek advise from him while I whisk around to another attempt at making Melon-pan. The bread dough didn't rise when proved but surprisingly, the outcome was not as bad as I imagined. Interesting. Perhaps it's not suppose to rise as like making bread. I'll email the owner of the recipe.

He finally agreed to join us in July! I'm ecstatic. Thank you baby. I truly am.

English Muffins.. mmm

We bought another 5kgs of bread flour the other day. Yes, people. I have successfully finished our first 5 kilos in almost 2 months time. With those I had made various "pau"s, pita bread, red beans filled doughnuts (twice!), focaccia bread, herb and feta pull-apart, fougasse, plain white loaf sandwich bread (also twice), melon pan, brioches, scottish butteries, cheese buns, herb buns, potato bread, burger buns, cinnamon buns, and nutty scrolls (for pictures of my humble baking outcomes, please refer to my fotopages, thank you :)) That's a lot of baking for almost 2 months though I haven't been able to take pictures of them all (they seem to be disappearing very quickly from the kitchen bench!)

Tonight my beloved fiance is working on drafting his proposal and intends to stay up til 4am and since everyone's asleep (i think adil n haz are still awake but they won't be 'invading' the kitchen at this ungodly hour) so I happily venture my way to the kitchen and try my hands on making English Muffins! Remember those yummy breakfast McMuffins with egg and sausage inside available at McDonalds only til 11am? I used to hate the fact it's only available for mornings. It's hard when you're not a morning person as I am those days. And am loving those muffins!

I've been intending to make them for quite some time. Oh and I forgot to mention, I still haven't opened our new bread flour. I used leftovers from the last just enough to make six of them. We can add this one to the list above.

While waiting for my muffins to prove, I thought I'd blog for a bit. When kneading, a thought came through. I'm beginning to notice the people I cannot stand be with. Strange enough, but they seem to be the ones whom happen to hurt my friends, more than annoying me. First case, an acquaintance (shall i now say), got on my nerves for quite a bit for an extended period of time. I still managed a smile or grin when she came around (it sure doesn't help moving in together) and laugh a bit here and there with her (though there are people noticing how hard it was for me to keep on pretending). Sad, when we were really close for a while; before I get to know her a bit more than I would want to. Until I saw what she does, said mostly about my friends that got me realizing, I wouldn't want to know her at all. I thought I'd write her name up here since there's absolutely below zero percent possibility she'd be reading my blog but I won't take any chances. Would be incredibly stupid of me.

Like my English Muffins..? =)

Cut them in half, top them with sausage and egg with a bit of chilli sauce, and there you have a fresh, simple homemade McMuffin!

Second case, this girl I knew back in high school. Well we were not in school together but to cut long story short, we became good friends till she got all weird and jealous (i wouldn't say of what, it's irrelevant but i'm sure you can figure out) that she started making extreme remarks about them. As if that's not enough, she'd start doing things that I would categorize as 'shameful'. Third case, was my ex-bf long ago in early high school years. Later I realize he is an excellent manipulator. Fourth case, well.. you get the drift.

All in all, I can honestly say that I am person with high tolerance to people's behaviour (well, that explains my line of work then, eh). I can handle confrontation and frankly, I quite like confrontation. Contrary to most people I know, I think with confrontation gives me and the other a chance and space to express how/what they think/feel, and for me to deliver what I think/feel. Then leaving the issue behind. I respect your decision, and I'd do what you wish, but also, I expect you to respect mine. I know from experience, when I'm unhappy with people, I can bombard and vent out about the issue once to someone (i believe you would know who usually gets this, that's why i love him so much.. kidding!) or to the person I have issue with. Once again, I feel it's a waste of my time and energy to be bothered about it again. Which I believe is good especially when it reduces chances of me bitching/talking bad about them to others. Not saying I never bitch, I am no saint nor am I perfect and you know that well.

i miss jules. we used to talk about these things. exploring the "who" we are. she is a rare species. she can read my mind like a diary. i wonder if she knows this.

It's starting to rain again and I'm done with my muffins. Excellent time to snuggle under the covers. I've enough thoughts for the day. My brain's slowly shutting down. G'nite people or shall I say, g'morning.