Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The News

How am I to juggle work and a wife with a 7 month old baby?
We shall soon find out =)

I start early next month.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Silent Prayer

God the All Mighty..,
if by your willing,
I am able to give heaven to my child,
if that is the power you promised to all mothers,
and as you turned me into a mother,
then with all my heart,
as now she is born,
that when her time comes,
to be rejoined with you,
I forgive all her future sins - as I hope you do too - ,
and that heaven is the exact place where I want her to be.
Amen.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Storm

This is going to be "interesting".

I've so much in my mind. So much that I feel if I don't vent out to someone soon, I'm sure it'll consume me and eat me alive. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do and what not to do. The arrival of baby should be something I look forward to. And I do. God, I cannot wait to hold her. It's the other part of the story that's killing me.

I don't want to believe he'll leave me for not doing what she wants me to. I refuse to. She always uses that to defend and make me do what she wants me to do. Manipulative, yes. Sad. I always get the blues when these things happen. I feel un-supported. Yet, I don't want to offend.

Remind me this when it's your time, baby.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Life Fulfillments

I'm curious to know how the pain of giving birth feels like.

Every woman describes and experiences it differently. I hope mine would run smooth. I know it may sound strange. But today while having lunch, a very wrinkled and old lady (maybe in her 80's) with her old seat-type-crutch sat next table to us alone. For reasons I may not be able to explain, I thought to myself, if I didn't get to feel the joy of being married.. and the pain delivering my own children at least once, I've not experienced and lived a fulfilling life. A very sad old hag I'd be when I'm as old as that woman next to us. After all, they say your happiest day is your wedding day and childbirth is the most excruciating pain. For now, alhamdulillah, I'm about to satisfy both my life-fulfillment needs. So yeah I am curious to find out what all this childbirth pain people all over the world are jibber-jabbering about. And now labour pains.. bring it on before I call in the drugs! =)

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Transition

Are you kidding me?

I am afraid.
Well maybe not afraid afraid..
Perhaps more of overwhelmed..

Playing the 'what if' game in my mind.
What if I cannot handle it.
What if I'm a bad mother.
What if I drop her.
What if everything's my fault?

It'll never end.

So I'll take it a step at a time.
I wish we'll have a good relationship.
Well.. don't everyone..?
I wish we'll have a healthy relationship.

I promise to do my best with what I have available at the moment in time.
That's all I can hope for.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

V-Day

Rise and Shine
Happy Valentine's Day!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Quarter-Life Crisis

Its when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"
With permission from Kak Mas (whom took it from someone else whom took it from someone else) - you get the drift.

Best Times

i am at the best times in my life
how could i not be?
just married and a soon-to-be mommy
if thunder comes and sweeps away
i'll always remember
i had the best times in my life
an no one is able to take that away from me
=)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Sweet Revenge

Last night was our 8th month wedding anniversary and quite shamefully to say, the first time I remembered. So this is what I made as a special treat for us after dinner. Pistachio Souffles.



Of course Koda was not allowed to have some because firstly, she's a cat. Secondly, our monthly wedding anniversary has nothing to do with her. She wasn't even with us yet when we got married. If it were Mowkie, maybe. She was with us throughout the whole ordeal even slept with us in our bedroom.

And she hates feeling left out.
So this is what we discovered this morning.



My pistachio souffle recipe! Dumped into her water bowl! Aghh!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Buttery Baking Series

As promised, here are the photos of my Shortbread Cookies. I'm too lazy to write up another entry to this blog, so I've quoted the entry I wrote on my baby blog here.
Haa.. When the temperature shoots up, and nothing much to do indoors, I start to scamper around the kitchen searching for a reason to bake and cook!

There's the
roti jala and curry series - which didn't make the mark to snap photos of - and a pound cake! In all honesty, I was looking for my long bought pistachios to make the long overdue pistachio souffles. Couldn't find them anywhere! Til my cake was rising in the oven, I found those pistachios hiding on the side of our shelf. Ugh geram nya! Anyway, here's the absolutely rich, dense, moist pound cake. Easy ingredients. It's too hot to bother going out and buy anything.


The batter -
luscious texture


Ready to go into the oven!


Very pleased. Dense and moist.
The top has a thin crust to it and oh so lovely. Notice those little black dots in the cake? That's from the vanilla bean paste we bought when the family was around. Thought of doing some baking while they're here but not a chance! Mama conquers the kitchen with her yummy-licious cooking!

And these were made the night before. Shortbread Cookies!
Again, easy ingredients and dreamy.


Before baking.


Into the cookie jar! Quick!


YUM!


Ahh.. the joy of baking =)
Very satisfying.

Welcoming Summer 2009

The heat is on!
A scorching 41 degrees today and I don't like it.

With such weather, no one's allowed to go out today. Not even Koda. I've prepared some frozen ice water in bottles in the freezer and cut watermelons in the fridge to cool off during the day. Thought of making something that I can chuck into the oven but hubs mentioned beef curry so it's roti jala time! Mama brought a roti jala cone from home and has yet to try them on.

Yesterday he mentioned there's no cookies in the house. He googled and found a simple shortbread cookies recipe and I followed it. It's ever-easy, not too sweet and makes 20-30 cookies. Melts in the mouth, takes less than a quarter of the day to prepare and bake. Easy-peasy. Perfect for this preggie lady. Trick is - best quality butter you can ever find and vanilla beans. YUM! I've pictures and will share soon.

This blog has been neglected for a long while. With a baby coming along, I've decided to focus my attention on him/her. And write down as many thoughts, physical changes and note every detail I can for the baby blog. 25 weeks into the pregnancy world and already the discomfort settles in. While many ladies out there talks about morning sickness, I'd have to say that's the least experience I had to encounter. My biggest concern was my backpains. Horrible. If I were to fall preggie once again, remind me to be prepared of the backpains. Then again, each pregnancies are different. We'll just wait and see.

Well, off to making some yummy roti jala and beef curry!

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Resolution

2.0.0.9
1. lose most of these baby-weight (g'luck!)
2. eat healthily (especially while breast-feeding)
3. not to forget my role as a wife, especially after the baby arrives
4. take vitamins
5. find baby food recipes
6. walk more, car less
7. call home more often
8. love more, think less
9. sell those no longer worn clothes on e-bay
10. take health-care more seriously

It's said this year's summer is the coldest in 17 years. And I LOVE it!
So on NYE we headed off to watch the fireworks. Only to be disappointed with people's rave in front of The Grand. Certainly not a place for this heavy mom-to-be. This year has the worst case of arrest and I'm not surprised.

Hopefully next year we'll be able to find a better spot and bring the little one along for his/her first firework watch =)