Companion

We so take people we love for granted. Just look at how we treat our parents. I think we can never fully repay them for what they have sacrificed and given us. Hence in this entry today, I'm gonna list down reasons why I love him so when I feel down or lonely, this will give me a good kick of reminder how lucky I am to have him. Thank you God for giving me this man to share the rest of my life with as a companion. My lifetime companion.

Top 27 reasons why I love him
1. I really have to thank God for giving me a man that is clean and cleans. I am such a messy person (have I mentioned how much I loathe doing dishes?), I embarass the nation. Once I told Adrian this and he goes, 'what nation? M'sia?' hehe.
2. There is never a thing as 'mine' or 'yours' in his vocabulary. It is and always have been 'ours'. And that, includes finances. *lucky, lucky me* =)
3. Oh and like papa, he splurges on me. He really can. But I sometimes have to beg him to let me buy him stuff . *weird, eh?*
4. Unlike me, he takes much longer to warm up and trust people. At times, (and with the kinda work I do) I think it is because I am easier, he gets cautious and takes longer. Sometimes waaaaaaayy too long, with certain people.
5. He is responsible and takes responsibility. Y'know the kind that's like, 'I used it, I wash it. I did it, I'm responsible for it.'
6. He makes hearty, rich chicken soup with love (as he calls it) when I get bad cramps. Only those who lives and have lived with me know how bad my cramps are everytime, on the first day.
7. Just like papa, he spoils me rotten sometimes.
8. He has no idea how smart he is. At times, really, I have to thank God! =)
9. I'm not sure if he got it from me, but we sure do have this love and curiousity for cooking.
10. We both love travelling. I do not know how I'd live with someone without.
11. He has absolutely no idea how much I love him =)
12. We both regard education at the highest of importance. Again, just like papa.
13. He stays home with me when I get bad cramps. Sometimes I think he likes spoiling me. But who's complaining? *wink wink*
14. He puts up with all my PMS crap. Exactly! I've no idea how he does it, either!
15. We've been together for more than 5 years. He knows me since I was rebellious, immature and oh such a bratty little girl. He knows all my dark, whacky, cuckoo side. And still loves me the same, if not more.
16. He has only, really, made me cry once. And that's not even something he did or can help it.
17. When we fight and I apologise first (which is something I rarely do, are you kidding? with my huge ego?) he would always say he's sorry too. Even when it's really, crystal clear, my fault. As if he can't stand it if I say I'm sorry by myself.
18. It only takes 2 seconds after we argue for us to laugh and make fun of the argument.
19. He has 1001 facial expressions that only I know of.
20. After years of learning psychology, he only took me 2 minutes to understand how powerful the mind is. If you want drama in your life, go ahead, you have the power to create or go without it. With the family, friends, and kind of work I do, trust me, I don't need any more dramas. They colour my world as it is, enough.
21. He reads my mind like a diary. It's so true sometimes it scares me.
22. Just to see a glimpse of him makes me smile. Everytime.
23. He pulls me back down to the ground everytime I get too high in the sky.
24. He plans and creates, sensibly.
25. He plays guitar beautifully. my heart will go on.......
26. He never fails to make me laugh and melts my heart. what can i say..? =)
27. He looks at me everyday - that way.

This list just comes off the top of my head, hence the odd number 27. I can go on, of course, but I think this is enough to make me remember.

Today, just like every day on my bad-cramp day, he stayed home from work and made me his chicken soup. Eventhough he's fasting today. You see how lucky I am? I must've done something good in my life to deserve all this. I must have. This is all the guilt, talking.

I have a feeling that this may be how it feels like during contractions. Only a hell lot worse. To all mommies out there (and that includes my beloved mama), if this is a minuscule to what you experience, just for today, only today, at this minuscule pain, I adore your strength, love, courage and pain.

Owwww.. it hurts..

Raya Goodies

It's good to see Kate and James again. She looks healthy and bubbly. I really hope she's very happy now. She writes, sings and plays her own songs. That is one ability that I will always, always envy her.

No matter how many times I told papa not to send in anything for raya, he called today to tell me he had sent off 5kg worth of raya stuff. 5kg!? Yes, he spoils me rotten. Papa will be papa. No matter what you/I say.

I came across a long time friend, my senior in high school. She has a twin and the older twin has passed away 2 years ago. I've no idea until today. No wonder they've been so quiet. I received an invitation to the younger twin's engagement ceremony several months back but unable to attend and asked her how her other twin is doing. I had no idea. She's struggling hard, now especially. Poor thing. I hope she gathers enough strength to get by everyday everytime it gets tough for her. *amin*

We couldn't attend Syar and Geoff's 'fast-breaking' tonight and instead managed to quickly whip up 'nasi dagang' for our iftaar. I wish I can make pulut kuning some time. Pulut kuning and rendang ayam *yummy*

*i hate it when we fight about the state of the kitchen.. absolutely*

Decisions.. decisions..

My mind is set.
I've made my decision.

I shall not turn or look back again.

papa sounded very happy

People

Have you ever met a person who talks just to make him/herself sound/look smart or rather, to show that they know a lot but really they've no idea at all? Yes, that Mr/Ms Know-It-All. Sometimes they create facts to make it sound interesting.

Funny that it actually backfires.
Stop embarrasing yourselves.

If you've nothing to say, don't say anything.
How people are afraid of silence.
Anyway, talk about the weather instead.
That always work =)

Tummy-ache

Today I just realized that my gastric problems might come up again. It had never been a problem before except one time when I had dengue fever. Today somewhere in between dawn and morning, it tugged and screeched so bad. Usually I just brush it away and it'll pass by, no biggie. Today it decided to linger around a bit longer. Good thing we decided not to go to Kate's gig.

As planned, we had chicken salad and seafood leftovers for iftaar tonight. The salad turned out tangy, bitey from the chillies with a combo of sweet-sour-salty taste. A definite Vietnamese dish. Quite frankly, I thought he would take only few bites of the salad (being a man-eater himself), and hand picking on the chicken or gobbling up the rest of the seafood leftovers, leaving me finishing off the salad by myself. Surprise, surprise he handled the salad by himself leaving the seafood platter alone for quite some time before digging them in. I am certain it was the chillies that made all the difference to his taste-buds.

We lost both covers for our butter compartment in the fridge and the management requested $30 for each lost cover! I could've sworn I saw one somewhere on top or on the side of the fridge thinking that maybe others had found the cover to be rather annoying and decided to put them out. I really, really truly remember there were 2 covers in the fridge! Today we searched for it and I found it to be on top of the fridge, broken. Well, the other one is too but luckily Adil saved the broken piece and I managed to glue it back together. I tried looking for the broken piece of the other cover, unsuccesfully. Now we've decided to create some sappy story about the other cover but if they don't buy it (which I don't think they will), its $30 to the management. $30 friggin' bucks!! For a plastic cover! Oh, how they make money..

Yayy!! House is back every Wednesday! I think it's Season 4, well at least that's what he says. I'm too lazy to check that info out. Tomorrow it's labour day so everyone will be home. Maybe I should upload more pictures at my fotopages. It has been neglected for a very long time.

Back!

Yes, I haven't been writing for a long time and I shall unshamely blame my laziness/busy-schedule/not-in-the-mood-for-writing swing.

We're almost halfway through our fasting month and I find it hard to eat heathily. No, I am far from being on a diet (something that never in my short life occurs and hope to never will be), trying to lose weight. But I never fail to try and ensure we get pieces of fruits and veges every breaking-fast time. Fruits and veges will always be on our groceries list. Fish once a week is a must. And because he doesn't like to freeze fish for more than 48 hours, we usually get fish on the day we go to the market and cook them for dinner that night, or brunch the next day.

Menu for fast-breaking this week:
- Nigella's Vietnamese chicken and mint salad with leftover seafood from Scampi.
- Lontong (yummy! Had a good chat with Makcha this morning and she suggested this. Which reminds me to ask her how to make my all-time childhood food favourite, laksam!)
- Lasagne (to finish off our mince from last week's buy)
- Mee goreng mamak (had learnt to make this rather successfully from cravings last week)

Yes, the menu doesn't add up to 7 days and that's because we often dine out or get invited somewhere, somehow. For the few weeks of fasting month, we get invited to parties, get togethers or gigs almost every week/weekend hence giving us free food.

The weekend after my bday, we had a belated bday/coffee party (no, not at the village, thankfully, but at Raelene's instead). That itself had left us with assorted cakes and goodies. Then, it was Tareeq's iftar the following weekend. Then a Moon lantern festival. Then this week of course a quiet bday dinner at Scampi's just the both of us. And supposedly going to Kate's gig at the barton tomorrow but we passed. We'll go to the other one next weekend.



Oh yes, I got these on my bday so I chose 2 recipes from each to make him his bday dinner. He had insisted a no-fuss bday celebration (he didn't want me slaving alone in the kitchen and even said he'll come home early from work to help me cook), and only requested a roast chicken. Which is perfect for me since it's so easy to make, and to be honest, I'm sick of eating red meat (I prefer a softer and lighter version such as chicken or fish rather lamb or beef and he always said my tummy cannot handle digesting them, oh whatever!) and also giving me more time baking a cake! No birthday should pass by without a cake, at least in my life and family, and I intend and determine to continue that tradition to my future generation. And I love, L.O.V.E the time I had by myself, working quietly in the kitchen, making food with love and care even if it means taking up the whole day. That is therapeutic, to me. However, I don't fancy stuffing my chicken and like Ainsley, I prefer my stuffing to be outside my chicken simply for its crunchy outer and soft inner at bite, rather than a mushy stuffing all over from being in the chicken. And his recipe had both of us LOVING our stuffing =)












It took me a while to decide what cake shall I bake for his bday. Something manly. Dark. Mysterious, almost. Intense. And surprising. Until Nigella's creation came up with a rusty, crater-look cake, rich with dark bitter-sweet chocolate which to me resembles the manly side (and of course, the man he is), with a thick creamy cloud of cream which also to me, resembles us. She even named it Chocolate Cloud Cake. I recommend this one to all male species. He also made her bitter orange ice-cream the night before using tangelo and limes which turned out to be the creamiest homemade ice-cream I've ever had. Almost like Bulla. *yum*

So those were our menu on his bday. Oh and of course not to forget roast vegetables and tangelos. While tonight, I made reservation at Scampi's (again) for a quiet bday dinner for him for two. Watching the 'magic hour' run by to indicate it's time for iftar (I'm liking the name), we had our seafood platter for two including lobster, bug, oysters, smoked salmons, prawns, squids, octopus, scallops, fish, and salads with 4 different dressings. The seafood were all fresh and my oh my so yummy, well worth the price. Of course, coffee and desserts later on. I was so full that we had to pack the rest of the food, no matter how slow or long we sit at the table.

One of the advantages of living with Chinese, so far I found to be learning making many things from scratch. I am big fan of making things from scratch. Leave me killing, hunting, butchering my own animal, if I may (this is a HUGE influence from Papa whom hunts almost every night when we were younger, bringing back sorts of animals from the wild. His most favourite past time apart from golf). But no, I did not learn hunting from the Chinese. My dear housemate, Lufee taught me how to make soy bean milk from scratch. A big fan of soy bean milk, we have been making them fresh almost everyday now. If it permits me to get bamboos and huge woks, I'd be making lemang and dodol for raya in my backyard by now. Note to self: learn how to weave 'ketupat' from Papa successfully (trust me, I've been tryin for years). Yes, in our family, sadly, only Papa knows how to. He has been trying to teach me numerous times but I still can't seem to get the hang of it.

To be honest, I don't quite fancy thick, fancy-like, talk-of-the-town recipe books. I prefer recipe magazines with "what's on season" section, tips, hints and guides to cooking and I like the surprise I get of what they're offering each month. I find some of Ainsley's ingredients comes from tubes or canned 'something' rather than fresh or homemade version. Same goes with Donna Hay, Kylie Kwong and Jamie Oliver. Sometimes. This frustrates and annoy the hell out of me. I used to spend hours in book stores browsing well-named chefs recipe books to find them using caramel from tubes, or canned custards. Yes, it is easier, quick, and sometimes even cheap. But I prefer the old way. The things is, everyone is rushing and after recipes that are quick and easy to make. If I am after for something quick and easy, I'd rather eat out. I think my views here are hugely influenced by Mama. I remember back in those days whenever I bake a cake, muffin or brownies from those easy steps boxes, she wouldn't even touch it. She doesn't even go down the aisles at the supermarket. So if you're baking something out of the box, no matter how good you think it tastes, don't mention how you make it. She is a very busy woman being the manager of a rather huge company, not to mention running her own small business all together. Somehow when it comes to baking and cooking, she prefers it homemade with love. This is what I admire most of her. However, with realization now, of my massive ignorance about cooking (also with her great lack of confidence of me.. hey, gimme a break, i'm learning aren't i? =) she stocks and fills my kitchen with countless 'perencahs' from the simple call of fried rice, to variety of rendangs. I am ashamed of myself.

I like the old fashion way. I am even traditional in the sense of buying groceries. Meat at the butcher, fish at the fish monger, fruits n vegs at the stalls. Even buying mushrooms at the mushroom stall. I like the french way. It's the quality and taste that you're after. So you'll feel more satisfied and crave lesser. I like Nigella's idea of using full-fat milk and dollops of double cream, shamelessly. No, I will not allow myself be exposed and influenced by the fast, quick version of cooking. I'd rather have Indo-mee.

Speaking of which, we went Tea Tree Plaza the other day. Spent countless hours just browsing on things we'd like to have when we move out. I can't wait to have a place of our own. He, too. There were days where we sat in front of our lappies just browsing through apartments/houses. I would like to be able to cook and invite my friends over at any time of the day without thinking of others, have my own space without worrying about others, clean and arrange my things my own way, have our own privacy, have lots of cooking equipments in the kitchen, buy decoratives, have some quiet weekends just the two of us experimenting new recipes in the kitchen, be able to celebrate with some of our friends over at any time possible. Can't wait!

Did I tell you we went to the Royal Adelaide Show? Yes, we did. It's his first time, since the show only comes once a year. I had a blast getting showbags.

So I'm done sorting out my visa and its applications. I've some tests to take in November and posting some documents to relevant people. Geez, these people are sometimes asking the weirdest of questions. Tomorrow I need to sort out some documents before posting them off.

*i miss spending time in the kitchen on weekends together*

8 months and going.. =)

Happy 8 month Anniversary, b!

i don't quite remember what we did today =p

September

I didn't realize it's almost the middle of Sept and haven't written for quite some time.

September is the month to celebrate for us. My birthday as the opening, few important dates in the middle and his birthday for closing. Speaking of which, on my bday we had a quiet lunch at the Botanical Gardens Restaurant (you even have to switch your handphones to silent), a loud dine-out at a top rated thai cuisine restaurant (and yes, they deserve it. food we had was superb), had few friends over and another party this weekend! Which I haven't decided what to make yet!

Whenever I feel like writing.. something always comes up to distract me! Geezz..

tbc...

Rendang Ayam Raisins

It's my first time. Making rendang from scratch! No MSG. No colors. No preservatives. And most definitely no perencahs =)
Well, it turned out ok. While I personally think mama's version is much, much nicer. Adil n Haz thinks it tastes the same like hers. So I sms mama, told her how it turned out and how I think of it. She replied, 'Of course la tak sama. Mana boleh lawan pro and amateur. It takes time. Org semua puji my cooking, you should be able to take over the appreciation like me and my mother. Our only daughter.' Adoi.. pressure.. pressure..

I do enjoy cooking. While both Mama, Makcha, my late grandmother (Mama's mom), Mama's half sisters and most women I know on Mama's side could expertly with no doubt cook up a storm, I'm no where near a drizzle of rain. Well, I'm maybe just a few drops. Mama's cooking has been and still am, the talk of her in-laws. Papa comes from siblings of 13. Now with most of them married, with kids and some with grandchildrens, I'll leave to your imaginations how large my extended family on Papa's side is. Sometimes I don't remember their names or how I should address them. Whenever we hold an event, Mama's cooking is what they all look forward to. Come to think of it, Papa's sisters (only 2 of them left now, from 4) are also excellent cooks. Cik Ton's opor, Mak Ngah's kuih bakar (the talk of the town, in Pekan), to name a few. My uncle Bi (Mama's cousin, i think), was a cook for the royalties in Pahang. He used to live in the castle.

So I am surrounded by great cooks. Somehow, at 12 I wrote down in my small book how to make Milo. I only learnt how to fry an egg at 12. Rice, maybe 13 or 14. I first learnt to make nasi goreng (it was horrible!) at maybe 16 or 17. And a dish of chicken pieces with lots of soy sauce to feed Tok Cha (Makcha's mom, yes, she's still alive with severe dementia) at 16 or 17, which sadly, I don't think her taste buds are working too well at the time.

So how did I come from such an ignorant brat to being able to say I'm enjoying it?
Living to feed myself on my own, with very limited budget, overseas (this highlights it) and to have once had made the most crappy and spicy chicken masak merah for dinner. I tried to finish it but the next day I had to throw them away (wasted food and money). I had also made this horrible, horrible dish once that made me feel like throwing up.

I think it all started in April 2005 when Papa and Mama came over to visit. They brought all the perencahs I've never set my eyes on before. So very slowly I learned by looking at the ingredients they have on the packet expecially when that's the last perencah left in my stock. Also having to know this girl back in Magill. Emma. She loves Asian food and spicy. Her tastes are also more towards Thai cuisines. That's where my search, practice and a lot of common sense to cooking starts. While I don't mind cooking, she doesn't seem to mind requesting meals. So I reckon, that's where it all started.

Although I was totally ignorant with cooking, I took a lot of interest in baking. Everytime Raya comes, I'd make batches of kuih raya and cakes for my old uncles and aunties. They look forward to them every year till I came here. Every Puasa month, numerous recipe books my mom bought when we were in US would spread our kitchen table while I search for cookies to make. I most love the time when my cousins, nephews and nieces come over and started pointing out which cookies they want. Our open house every year would always be filled with my kuih rayas and cakes. The famous Blackforest Cheesecake, a highlight.

It's been 2 years now since I've stopped making kuih rayas. Maybe I should start again this year. Since I'll be starting a family soon. Maybe I should..

Mohawk and San Remo

Aroma has reduced it's size and flavour to their San Remo so I decided to try making them at home instead. But of course with lots of alterations to suit with whatever there is available in our fridge =) The avocado oil infused with lime made the chicken extra extra yummy!

It's been awhile since last I had Korean food so for we headed to the Korean BBQ place. But of course it is no comparison to the ones in Korea town *sigh* However, we were SO stuffed and took a walk around, had coffee before a movie night. After watching TV the other day on steamboat, I feel like having some. Any ideas where we can find one?

I've finally chosen a place for a bday dinner celebration with my beloved. And I've also a cake in mind. We've not made reservations yet, leaving me options if I decide to change my mind =) *which is likely, eh?*

My baby has turned mohawk.
And may I say, it really suits him.
*i like!*

Chermoula

Lamb marinated with chermoula spice with homemade salad dressing *yum*

Yes, I'm back to cooking again. Never tried chermoula before and decided to try it on and it was yummy. Went well with my salad dressing. Well, that's what we had for lunch with a movie marathon.

Then we left for Glenelg for a walk and ice cream, watched sunset and dinner at Scampi (and yes, it is pricely and you don't see people wearing thongs and t-shirts in the restaurants). Lucky we dressed well =p That would be a perfect place for a celebration in style, with good, sweet, fresh seafood like no other. No rubbery calamari or flaky scallops. And we had some good, light conversation.

Good walk, excellent view, fresh food, thoughtful conversation, with the one I'm crazily in love with, what more could I ask for?
I'd have to say tonight was one of the highlights of my week ;)
thank you, b

Friday

It's my favourite day of the week (who doesn't?)
Apart from the fact it's the end of the week and the last work day for most people, today is our groceries shopping day! The market here closes late til 9pm tonite so we usually go after he gets off from work.

On a different note.
I came across someone today complaining and whining about not getting along with his/her housemates. So far (as I can recall), I've heard 6 people having problems with their housemates and they all share few things in common. All from 'I'm tired cleaning up after them' to 'they entered my room'. Mama mentioned something to me the other day and got me thinking. This is my last chance of experience living with other people. Approximately half a year from now, I'd be living, running and having my own household! How creepy.

So from my past few experiences of living with other people as little as 1 other to a number of 9 people in the house, here are some things I've learnt to take note upon.

Room
Always try to ensure you have your own space to put your things in the kitchen, fridge and freezer, living room, shoe rack and laundry.
No matter how close you are to your housemates, knock and listen before entering your housemate's room. This is a sign of respect to other's privacy. You don't demand respect from others, you gain them by showing yours.
However messy you like to live in, it is your business, it is your room and no one can make you clean up. (Unless if you're sharing rooms, then good luck! I've only shared my room once before, in high school. I attended a boarding school for 3 yrs and bcos it's a private school, we only get to share one room with another girl. Some say, lucky. Looking at my brother today, I must say, I agree.)

Kitchen
Kitchen area and living area are common areas hence they are shared areas. Try not to leave your dishes washed or unwashed (no one wants to see your leftovers) in the sink or any other areas that you and your housemates may want to use on later on.
Allow time for yourself to clean up after your meal. Cleaning up after yourselves not only allow other people to use the kitchen but also leaves yourselves and other housemates to minimal 'spring clean' when required. Ever heard of the word responsibility? Yeah, well this is where you can work on it.
If you're sharing pots and pans, cutleries, dinner sets, cleaning them up after using them would be a good idea to allow other housemates the chance to use them.
If stove is shared, try wiping up the stove after you cook. Again, if everyone does their fair bit, this can minimize 'spring clean'. Encourage every housemate to do the same. Or you can try doing what we did (while living with 9 other), lay and stick foil over stove (cut up the burner part) and each time after cooking (or once a week), especially when you've made a right mess, lift the foil up and throw it in the bin. Warning: this may increase your budget on foils =)

Living Room
This is the best I can give.
Clean up after yourself! Whatever bits and pieces of paper, food, gum wraps, tissue, anything that is left behind by you, pick them up and throw them in the bin. It's little things as these that can build up and turn into a mess within a week of vacuuming.
Try wiping up the dining table after your meal. You'll be surprised to see how easy it is to be dirty after one meal.

Other Areas
Spring cleaning once a month is fine if the house is dirty. If not, don't bother. Generally, if every housemate do their little bit and not expect other people to clean up after them, 'spring cleaning' once a few months is also fine.

If you can't stand cleaning up, a good thumb rule;
put your dirty dishes, wrappers, tissues, dirt, all in your room. You can live with it, don't expect others to. Then it's up to you to clean whenever you want to. But make sure your dishes are yours though. Or your landlord will be chasing you for them.

Living with other people is not easy. Heck, living with your spouse is not easy, let alone with other people. At home, we are used to maids, cleaners, or family members whom don't mind cleaning up after us (believe me, I have and still am living with platoons of maids/helpers back in Msia, eventhough we have a dryer and a dishwasher, so trust me, I know how it feels). Friends, other people, they are not family so don't expect too much from them. Think about your actions and try to make living together easy by doing to others, what you'd want them do to you. However, if you do other people's dishes to expect them do yours, think again ;)

To avoid any misunderstandings (with a high chance of some 'typical' malays reading this), I will have to add here.
I am NOT a perfect housemate (you may ask Adil n Haz since I'm living with them, at the moment for opinions)
I am NOT a good housemate either. However, I can be the worst housemate you'll ever met if I want to.
I have my limits and wrong-doings.
I am NOT trying to be funny or put other people down.
I am also NOT not proud being a malay myself. I have all reasons in the world to be proud of my own nationality. It is the attitude and perception of some within the nationality that is, to my belief (and only mine, no one else. You may disagree all you want) needs to be improved upon.
This entry is also a mere touch to my understanding and experience from living with other people as a housemate.

*Now how did an entry supposed to be about Friday turned out to be about housemates? I really am nuts..*

Another step

So it's back to normal life again. Another episode closed.

My plants died. One small stalk of parsley trying hard to stand and be strong for me so I watered it today.

I actually have absolutely no idea what to do after this. My status; officially unemployed with lots of food (leftovers from my parent's stay). My options? HUGE! He has widened my eyes into so many choices and showed me how lucky I am. *y'know what, b. I still hope you're right*

Due to May's multiple invitation and the news recently labelling it as 'a waste of time', I had joined Facebook. Still have absolutely not much idea of how it works but slowly learning.

Maybe I should start experimenting new recipes and baking breads/goodies. Yea, that sounds good for a start.

Disclaimer

I have wanted to blog this for quite a long time actually.

This is to those who still doesn't get it.
What I write in here is what I want to write.
It comes straight from the head and heart as I lay my fingers on the keyboard.
It is my own expression of my thoughts, my feelings and my ideas.
This has everything to do with me but if you feel that it has something to do with you, then that's probably because it has to do with me and you.
I do not use names inappropriately or intend to influence other people to dislike anyone.

This blog is my creation, my world, my story, my words, my space.
Hence, this is my right.

Now, how about knowing your rights.
If you happen to not like what I write, then don't read =)

7 months

Still going on.. =)
Since we've the car, we bought cheesecake at the Cheesecake Shop only to disappoint ourselves.
Dear God.
i know i wish for many things.
and to add to the list,
today i wish i can open a cheesecake shop =)

They left

And he cried. Tears welled up in his eyes.
Waving his good hand at me.
I wonder if it's now that he felt the way I did when I left him at the airport with my beloved to come here.
So slowly he wiped his eyes with his fingers and went back to do what he has to do. Gave me one last good look and disappeared.

It is as if there's many things he wants to say.
And somehow couldn't gather the words together.

I know he heard our argument the night before. I know he understands what I meant. I know he knows.. we both know, what she did and is doing. Because that's when he stirred and stroke a conversation. That's also, after a long while before I tuck-in, when he told me what he thinks, as if trying to convince and tell that nothing else matters because he approves.

So I replied, 'ntah la, pa.'
'Kenapa ija kata mcm tu?'
'Takde apa, pa.'

I didn't want to continue. I didn't have to.

Colors

My second colors begins =)

psst.. happy grad day!

l.o.v.e

i am surrounded by people who loves me =)

A Re view

August is here and soon it'll be September,
then with all bustles of puasa and raya,
the year comes to an end and a new year begins.
Here I am, close to reaching 26,
had started this year with something new.
Life changing moments.

The thing is, I do feel like a different person.
Interests change,
priority shifts,
perception deter,
values strengthen,
responsibility increase.

Maybe this is it.
This is the new step.
After all.. I am about to enter a new world.

Perhaps I am ready after all. *cross fingers*

News

So it's all good now =)

Mushrooms

We absolutely LOVE mushrooms.
It's in our grocery list every week.

Enough of Thai cuisines, we viewed Italian cuisines now. So far only 2 places high in our list.

I tried my hands at making 'buah melaka' aka 'onde-onde'. I was nervous cos I like them soft and gooey but I'm afraid it would turn out hard. So I was careful making them. And guess what? The texture turned out nice, soft, gooey and green, but I've put in too little palm sugar in the centre. Sigh.

Bustle

Woke up today with a plan in mind.

Sitting by myself relaxing in a coffee shop at a shopping mall far away from town, letting my mind wander and go off as far as it want to, while watching people pass by.

I was still dreaming.

So today went rather the opposite. Somehow my beloved decided to ditch work and spend time with me off in my far-away land. I need a 'new' environment (as if Sydney and Perth is not enough, eh? hehe). So we went to my far-away land, had late lunch and binge on junk with Simpsons movie. Being a fan of the Simpsons series, the movie was rather disappointing. To me, the least. They could and have done better. But we had good laughs.

When we reach home, I called home and told them the news. We watched some TV then headed for pizza and few drinks.

Trying to swallow my guilt.

Spring Clean

My poor beloved had been complaining so much about the state of it when I was away.
I've returned few days ago and so today without planning, we did something about it.

It was spring clean, indeed!

We cleaned the kitchen and living room upstairs but with no doubt it'll get back to its original state in no time =)

L.i.f.e

Life is a Mystery
to be lived
rather than
a problem to be solved

-Assagioli

Quick update!

Just returned from Sydney a couple days ago.
To Jules, Sylvester, Jack, Dong-u, John, Sarah, and all occupants of Morling College, thank you for making my stay in Sydney so memorable =)

Now am back to get some work done before leaving for Perth tmrw. Tomorrow?? So soon? Yikes!

*I'm into Korean food now. Very, very, healthy and yummy. No wonder hardly there be a fat Korean.

6 months..

6 months..
6 months?
6 months!?
6 months!!
half a year!

We talked the other night. How we survived 6 months.
That's a pretty long time, eh?
And still going on strong.. =)

Despite what we went through, the people we encountered,
those happy for us and with us, those unable to be happy for us and with us,
those wants us together, those wants us separated,
those trying to get us back together, those trying to separate us,
those we love, those we hate, those we put up with, those who put up with us,
those we absolutely adore, those we absolutely ridicule.

Thank you for all your support and help to make us stronger,
and I would also love to thank those with the criticism and effort to separate us, which has also made us even stronger.

Our celebration

We celebrated a night early this time. I've sessions running this weekend and leaving on Monday.

Star of Siam became our choice tonight. Since it's been almost half a year, we want to make sure we get good food and good night out. And in deed, it was.

*Happy half-year Anniversary, b*

Missing You

I am missing those times when I can get up, search for new recipes and baking ideas, and start making them.

I am missing those times when I actually have to think why I have to get up.

I am missing those times when I can blog whenever a thought pass by my mind or simply just able to spring myself onto my blog and write whatever in my mind at that second.

I am missing those times when I am able to 'steal' pictures from my beloved and post them on my fotopages just because I've no other pictures to upload from.

I am missing those times when I only listen to the front door slamming shut indicating it's time to water n nurture my plants (they all are in the process of dying from the frost now)

I am missing those times when I am able to cook every single day for my baby and wait for him to come home.

I am missing those times when I can cook lunch and bring over to him at lunch time and we'll be having lunch together.

I am missing those times when weekend nights especially becomes our special 'outing' and we'd go bars or enjoy dinners trying out new restaurants.

I am missing those times when I am able to look through recipe magazines for trying out new recipes and writing down ingredients to buy on our weekly grocery shopping.

I am missing those times when my thoughts are all mine and I can boggle them up and turn crazy or throw them to my baby for a late night discussion.

I am missing all these times *sigh*

Now, I'm living responsibly with work and work and work, saving people's mental health.
Sometimes I wish I can simply prescribe everyone with Prozac.

I tried.
and try and try and try
and then going on trying and trying and trying

sometimes I need to stop.

Road Trip Part Two

This time we went up north!
Again, more input will be inserted soon =)

Cramps

He stayed home from work.
I had bad bad cramps.
Worst ever!
Maybe it's the lemonade.

He made hot chicken soup.
*luckiest girl on earth, i reckon* =)

Road Trip Part One

We planned this a while ago.
A Road Trip!

We went south and conquered most of the places.
Will give more input on this entry soon!

Travel Time

Perth and Sydney, here I come!

All of a sudden, I've invitations to places I've not been before. My life's fuelled with travelling and meeting old faces again.
What ever happen to those days filled with 'me' time and baking experiments?

*have got to rush completing my work!*

Especially, for you

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

-Keirsey & Bates (1984)

Made my day

Guess who called today?
Jules!

She just got back from a trip and was thinking about this trip we had long ago back in 2005 and was wondering if I'd come over since she's on her hoidays. Of course!

Relief

So those busy days has ended. Now it's back to setting eyes in front of the laptop writing up client reports and working against time. Only that my time is not as rushed *lucky*

From the intense engaging with clients the past week, there's so much been found, discover, re-cover, un-cover.

I
Socialising with one person at a time, or with small intimate groups, rather than with large gatherings. Being an observer rather than an active participant. Being close to relatively few people, seeking intimacy with a few rather than acquaintanceship with many. Reserve in expressing personal feelings. Freedom from the burden of having to make small talks.

S
To prefer an approach that is realistic and practical. To enjoy dealing with things that are real and tangible, where results obtained can be seen and measured. To be more at home in situations that are firmly grounded in facts and experience, and that involve little or no theory. To feel most comfortable with action that leads to practical results. To prefer, in education at any level, applied fields which lead to directly useful accomplishments. To do things in the accepted and traditional ways. To go with facts as they are.

T
To be tough-minded: to look at things on their merits and act accordingly. To find it hard to bend, when the situation calls for gentleness. To rely on impersonal, logical approach in making decisions. To forget, in matters of personal concern, that things one truly cares about are important, logical or not. May need to be reminded to factor in what one cares about in making decisions. To be questioning and critical. To enjoy a good argument and let the chips fall where they may. To disagree inwardly much of the time without necessarily saying so.

P
To enjoy the variety of frequent changes and to want time free and uncommitted. To prefer not to cross a bridge before reaching it. To start projects without feeling a need to organise beforehand. To learn more by exploring what engages curiosity than by persistent effort. To work best at jobs requiring adaptability to handle changes, emergencies, or a variety of activities. To be casual and easy-going.

In the midst of everything else, I've also started searching for jobs.

5 months..

and still going strong =)

Got home from my session today, tired. He made us special dinner and we watched Dr. House and Medium. Could hardly open my eyes while watching Medium ends. Knocked out immediately after.

Papa

Papa selalu pesan,
"kita ni hidup biar kaya dengan ilmu"
Lately I've been thinking of papa a lot. Maybe there's something he wants to say.
Perhaps I already know what it is. I know what you want. I'll try, I promise.
Or he's just missing me too =)

Marijuana

I woke up this morning with a splitting headache. So took a long hot shower, stretched out and the next thing I knew, my headache's gone. Perhaps it was from the icy freezing wind last night.

Last night's session went more than I expected. I was supposed to have coffee with Peter last Monday but totally had forgotten about it! Didn't get to catch up with him before he left! Oh well, can't have 'em all.

After the session, he waited for me then we went for late dinner with couple of friends. I've forgotten the last time I laughed SO much! We were supposed to join Sharon at the Austral but we thought we saw her with Greg, her latest crush, there so we didn't want to bother and decided to have dinner instead. Which was delightful! Good company, always compensates the food. An hour later, while waiting for the bus to get home, Sharon called and asked if we all wanted a lift. Are you kidding? In this weather? Of course!! So she picked us all up and we asked how her night was when she goes "I saw you guys passing by, and thought you'd join us, I was with Debbie and Gia, we were just chatty and having drinks" As usual, not being able to cover my expression (luckily I sat at the back), I turned to one of us and gave each other a 'serve-you-right' smile. Who the hell did we saw back there!?

That night as we reach home, Adil and Haz talked about a situation he is in now. Haz experienced it once before with this person, last year. This is not the first time I heard about this person with regards to problems as these, my two other ex-housemates experienced with the same issue while the other warned me about this person. So we all came to the conclusion, no more being Mr/Ms Nice. Perhaps when it comes to his/her own benefit, he/she wouldn't mind even if it's at other people's loss. Ini lah dia, bila kita buat baik, dia naik pijak kepala kita.

Haz is making milo-chips-cookies (we ran out of choc chips) and I got so distracted from doing my work, that I had to go upstairs and make "Cik Mek Molek". This, I know for sure is a traditional Malay sweet dessert originally from Kelantan (as we all can understand from the name =) so I am proud to say, I made this from scratch (well, don't ask about the taste, still waiting for him to come back from work to test it =p)

It sure is funny. As soon as we close the main door last night we could hear Adil's voice asking if we've had dinner. Why? Because both of them are enjoying my last 2 pieces of focaccia bread as sandwiches while we were out! I didn't even get to taste them! =) =) So that night at midnight, I rolled up my sleeves and made another batch of the bread keeping in mind to make extras. This morning, he took 2 pieces to work. I asked, I wonder why this bread is disappearing too fast! He replied, because the herbs smells like marijuana. Huh??

Back to hit my books!

One down.. two to go!

I've finally completed my client report for CPIA today. Yippee! It's closing case this evening, can't wait to get it done and over with. At least one I'm over with.

Raelin called this morning looking for a place to park her car. She asked if we're confirmed coming to her bday party at the Tap Inn. Geez, with the amount of work I have, I dunno. Now I'm waiting for my dvd to finish writing then off for lunch/dinner with my beloved before going into session. I found this rather disturbing yet it left me with awe about an autistic girl on youtube. Getting into the minds of them. I will definitely have lots of input on it with a lot of thoughts too. There's too little time to do so at this moment so I'll leave it be for a while.

Made focaccia bread last night intending for them to be my sandwich bread (we've stopped buying bread loaf anymore, I make them instead). And guess how many is left now. 2! Can't really blame them, they are nice to eat plain. I don't get frustrated when these things happen. I should have expected them to happen. Bad judgment. But they're my sandwich bread! Intending to last me for a whole week! hehe. I love it when my bread goes missing quickly. So I guess am going to have to go buy bread now at the supermarket. Unless work gets too much for me then I'll head for the kitchen to making bread. Hmm.. I dunno. These days, even the simplest decision is hard to make.

Suc's so funny today. She who taught me what "too nice becomes fake" is. And today it's "toooo nice it gets on your nerves"!!? In the beginning, I honestly thought this girl must be mad and not to take her too seriously when she says such thing. I just simply can't relate to what it means. How do you be nice, and be fake or get annoying to other people? It just doesn't make sense to me. Thanks to my dear friend here, who taught it all. Yep, I feel like I should award you with something for warning me way, way much ealier. She's just one crazy girl. And to think we actually lived together in one room! Miss you heaps, babe! Her brother and mom is coming soon. Great!

Anthony

Yesterday after tossing and turning to get some sleep the night before, I woke up to my handphone screaming. Didn't bother to picking it up, and tried to going back to sleep but couldn't so I listened to the voice message left. It was Anthony. Alerting me that the application due date is today (yesterday) and he wants my application on his table by 5pm. Thinking to myself, what application? It can't be student guide, but if not, then what is it? I've been working as a student guide under him since 2005. It is a per semester-job so everytime the semester's coming to an end, Learning Connection releases the application forms for students to apply. Only this time, I am graduating in August hence I will no longer be a continuing student from then on therefore I cannot apply. Funny thing is, I have told Anthony I won't be working anymore and we all had had a small celebration to my last day yet he took effort to calling me early in the morning to make sure I apply again.

I tried calling him back several times and couldn't get through (not surprised) so I decided to email him instead. Groggily. Having discussed the issue with my beloved, taking in his advise and also not taking any chances, I fill out the application form halfway and took a shower while waiting for him to reply my email. Thinking to myself, it's either I'm bloody good at this job that he wants me to work with him again regardless knowing that we'd breach the rules, or he's in desperation needing people filling in the position, which would be impossible. Ever since they started giving out this student guide position, there would at least 250 students if not more, applying for the position. With only 18 positions released, it's hard to believe they are desperate wanting students to fill in. They should be able to get students in a snap of fingers, anytime.

He replied.
He forgot!
He congratulated, wished me all the best and told me to come look for him if I'm still unemployed by end of the year.

Smiling to myself, I deleted my half filled application form and went upstairs to water my plants. I remember the first time I applied for the job. It was winter, I was in my beat-up jeans and black coat. The lady before me has her hair up, perfect make-up and a light brown suit. The gentleman opposite me in tucked-in shirt, and waxy hair. The other gentleman next to me in a jumper and jeans. We talked about the places we've travelled and workplaces we've been. I remember feeling so left out looking at my clothes and was sure they wouldn't even consider looking at me. I put on a brave face and as much confidence I can when my name's being called.

All four of us got in.

We even hung out once in a while. Rachel, is still working with them and at uni completing her studies in Nursing; Chris, working at DIMIA now; Timothy, lurking around somewhere at uni (kidding!). All of us didn't need an interview anymore to get a position there, only to fill in application forms. It wasn't an easy position to get into, I must say. I remember Meen tried twice some time ago and she got through til interview point the second time then they had to turn her down due to her time clash with her practicals. I remember her saying that they could have given her different time scheduling etc etc, but I doubt they'd do that for just one person. They might as well just pick another person with the amount of applicants they get. Izmia got it and only able to work once with them - she graduated. Ti Li didn't get, and she was not happy. Kok Tong got it and we worked together once. He must be studying somewhere else now. I know he wants to do history studies, elsewhere.

Adil, Haz, him and I finally got down to some pep talk tonite. It was good talk, we haven't hung out and chat since the catering night. We're all busy with exams coming up around the corner and assignments due. Speaking of which, I need to get back to. Yikes!

*not everything in my life here is about you*

The Perfect Day

My honey is right now concentrating on doing his presentation. It's nice to see him working hard on this.

The night before, I tried to 'reward' his hard work these past few days by making his favourite meal (mok stuff) and yesterday we went out for brunch (mexican food) initially, but somehow went on til dinner (lebanese and mediterranean). And our dinner, included with some belly dancing performance =) Then we went watching live band before heading home past midnight. It was a perfect day, I must say (though my right ear is still ringing from the loud music) but I love the idea of going out without planning and ended up with things rather interestingly =)

The days are getting colder and my basil is starting to get frost bites so tonight for the first time, I brought it in. Soon all of them might be heading indoors.

Haz bought a guitar yesterday. She called us while we roam around town - asking him opinions and such. We anticipated that she'll be waiting for us to come home early yesterday and we were right. Poor girl. So today she got the whole noon to practice and seek advise from him while I whisk around to another attempt at making Melon-pan. The bread dough didn't rise when proved but surprisingly, the outcome was not as bad as I imagined. Interesting. Perhaps it's not suppose to rise as like making bread. I'll email the owner of the recipe.

He finally agreed to join us in July! I'm ecstatic. Thank you baby. I truly am.

English Muffins.. mmm

We bought another 5kgs of bread flour the other day. Yes, people. I have successfully finished our first 5 kilos in almost 2 months time. With those I had made various "pau"s, pita bread, red beans filled doughnuts (twice!), focaccia bread, herb and feta pull-apart, fougasse, plain white loaf sandwich bread (also twice), melon pan, brioches, scottish butteries, cheese buns, herb buns, potato bread, burger buns, cinnamon buns, and nutty scrolls (for pictures of my humble baking outcomes, please refer to my fotopages, thank you :)) That's a lot of baking for almost 2 months though I haven't been able to take pictures of them all (they seem to be disappearing very quickly from the kitchen bench!)

Tonight my beloved fiance is working on drafting his proposal and intends to stay up til 4am and since everyone's asleep (i think adil n haz are still awake but they won't be 'invading' the kitchen at this ungodly hour) so I happily venture my way to the kitchen and try my hands on making English Muffins! Remember those yummy breakfast McMuffins with egg and sausage inside available at McDonalds only til 11am? I used to hate the fact it's only available for mornings. It's hard when you're not a morning person as I am those days. And am loving those muffins!

I've been intending to make them for quite some time. Oh and I forgot to mention, I still haven't opened our new bread flour. I used leftovers from the last just enough to make six of them. We can add this one to the list above.

While waiting for my muffins to prove, I thought I'd blog for a bit. When kneading, a thought came through. I'm beginning to notice the people I cannot stand be with. Strange enough, but they seem to be the ones whom happen to hurt my friends, more than annoying me. First case, an acquaintance (shall i now say), got on my nerves for quite a bit for an extended period of time. I still managed a smile or grin when she came around (it sure doesn't help moving in together) and laugh a bit here and there with her (though there are people noticing how hard it was for me to keep on pretending). Sad, when we were really close for a while; before I get to know her a bit more than I would want to. Until I saw what she does, said mostly about my friends that got me realizing, I wouldn't want to know her at all. I thought I'd write her name up here since there's absolutely below zero percent possibility she'd be reading my blog but I won't take any chances. Would be incredibly stupid of me.

Like my English Muffins..? =)

Cut them in half, top them with sausage and egg with a bit of chilli sauce, and there you have a fresh, simple homemade McMuffin!

Second case, this girl I knew back in high school. Well we were not in school together but to cut long story short, we became good friends till she got all weird and jealous (i wouldn't say of what, it's irrelevant but i'm sure you can figure out) that she started making extreme remarks about them. As if that's not enough, she'd start doing things that I would categorize as 'shameful'. Third case, was my ex-bf long ago in early high school years. Later I realize he is an excellent manipulator. Fourth case, well.. you get the drift.

All in all, I can honestly say that I am person with high tolerance to people's behaviour (well, that explains my line of work then, eh). I can handle confrontation and frankly, I quite like confrontation. Contrary to most people I know, I think with confrontation gives me and the other a chance and space to express how/what they think/feel, and for me to deliver what I think/feel. Then leaving the issue behind. I respect your decision, and I'd do what you wish, but also, I expect you to respect mine. I know from experience, when I'm unhappy with people, I can bombard and vent out about the issue once to someone (i believe you would know who usually gets this, that's why i love him so much.. kidding!) or to the person I have issue with. Once again, I feel it's a waste of my time and energy to be bothered about it again. Which I believe is good especially when it reduces chances of me bitching/talking bad about them to others. Not saying I never bitch, I am no saint nor am I perfect and you know that well.

i miss jules. we used to talk about these things. exploring the "who" we are. she is a rare species. she can read my mind like a diary. i wonder if she knows this.

It's starting to rain again and I'm done with my muffins. Excellent time to snuggle under the covers. I've enough thoughts for the day. My brain's slowly shutting down. G'nite people or shall I say, g'morning.

Droplets

It wasn't easy to wake up this morning. Has been raining since forever. Twice I walked out of the door this week and find myself dripping water by the time I reach uni. I've been trying hard to discipline myself, go uni and get some work done. But this morning is even worse, I can't even get my eyes open. The only thing that made me jump is the sound of his phone vibrating. He forgot his phone! So I came online to see his email on my inbox telling me so.

I've to go out today, post some cds then work on my client report. Before so, I went upstairs and made 'apam balik', pack them up and off to uni.

Somewhere in between apam balik making and bundling up before leaving the house, a thought came up.

"Who said, student overseas tak pandai masak masakan traditional?"

Not to say apam balik is our traditional food (or is it?) Pardon my lack of knowledge there. When I heard/read that, it made me ponder on the perception of our people to students studying overseas. If it were to be one of the locals here whom goes to overseas universities, studying; they would have been so proud of their people and further encourage their own people. Would they have been so caught up in the thought of criticizing them on something like that?

Once not long ago I saw trees along the streets at some residential area being decorated by the people there. Curiously, I asked around and finally learned that the tree doesn't belong to anyone, but the people took the initiative to decorate them accordingly to their seasons. It doesn't matter to them who does it, or whose items are on it, or whose money goes on to decorating it. To them, those who cared that much of thought, would've been considered selfish, inconsiderate, rude and greedy. I've heard people say, orang melayu susah nak maju sebab banyak perasaan dengki dengan orang lain, tamak nak cepat kaya, tak boleh buat lebih sikit dari orang lain, etc etc.. And I didn't know how to believe it. I didn't even give much thought to it and I haven't seen it happen in front of my eyes.

So few days ago, I just realized, it does happen a lot around me. I just didn't pick them. And now I wonder if others realize them and/or choose to ignore them?

Weapons

Geez it's such HUGE relief to finally know it's not due on 11th. Just got the word few seconds ago and now I'm blogging instead of going absolutely mental with my research and client report.

I wonder what happen to those people I knew back when I was young. Those smart-head, all perfect, big shot people in school where every teacher adores and friends admire for their intelligence, hard-working and shining results. Then I found some of them. Actually, one of them to be exact. She seemed to be doing all right.

Or so I thought.

I thought she would have gone off being "someone", somewhere. And perhaps turn out to be very successful with a great job. Honestly, I do. Mind you, this person had called me "stupid" right in my face once, and actually meaning it. "Lembu pun lagi pandai". I remember. Deeply. I also remember thinking, at that time, that someday when we're adults, I would like to see where she lands on. With admiration, not resentment. And now I got my answer.

Our path crossed some time ago. Few years back when I saw her and we spoke. Asking how things are and turned out to be. She's still with the guy that to her, I was the reason they met and feel in love (funny). No, not married. That was the only time we met/communicate. Ashamed? I don't know. Busy? I'd like to think so.

Now our path crossed again but in a different way. Her sister is so big now. No indication she's with that guy anymore. I wonder if she remembers the things we did together. She's running away again, I can tell. A nice person we all agree. But very sad.

I do care.
We share the same star sign. I went to her house once and we played make up/dress up together. I don't want to remember anymore the bad things we did to each other. I wonder if she needs help. I wonder if she wants to talk to someone. She seems to be on the edge, waiting to fall down.

I was angry for a while, I know. Making me think that my future is not worth knowing. I am not the brightest kid in school. Nor was I the one with excellent performance. There's NO WAY I'd be like them. They'd probably turn out to be doctors, lawyers, engineers. Get into universities and live to be rich, successful people. How wrong was I? Talk about false hope. Sighh..

But I still do mean about wishing her well. And for her to open up and be true to herself. I wish she will wake up and get back on track again. Potential, heaps. It shone brightly long time ago. I wish she'll get that back again someday.

I wish her a lot of things. Only good things.

Ordinary Day

Few days ago, he went almost bald. He looked exactly how he does now when we met for the second time 6 years ago. He was in his white with one black spotted (don't ask) car, wearing his shades while I get into the car and he drove off with his music blaring and the strong scent of Glade car fragrant.

i can still smell that car fragrant..

He's on his way to finishing up his proposal so he's been up at un-Godly hours to get it done. Adil and Haz seems busy warming up their laptops to doing assignments and books nearing final exams. As for me, it's my final semester. FINAL! Then I'm done (we'll talk about PhD's later, ok. Let me enjoy lil bit here)! This is it. The final. I hope I do myself, if not others proud.

Not that it's confirmed, but I do think quite fair bit about continuing on. Papa is all for it. If I do decide to continue on, it'll be all for you. I must admit, it is flattering to get the title but most of all, it's about making them proud. My education level, is all about them. I decided long time ago that I study to see how far I can push/get myself into being educated. Now, today, I'm already impressed I got this far. If I'm to go further, I'll be doing it to make my parents the proudest people on earth. They deserve it and much much more. To play favourites, especially papa.

Today I just realized my client report, research critique and assignment is due much sooner than expected. My printer's back home and not intending to get back any soon, I headed to uni printing out without any cost! The psychology post-grad lab allows post graduates access to internet and free printing so hallelujah! Oh it just goes to show how much time I spend in uni, eh? Now with close to 3 inches (and more coming) stack of research reports and notes to read, am in no position to move anywhere outside the university or the village compound. We have made a pact not to go out as much anymore and making this weeked our last outing weekend. Now it's time to increase my focus, hold on a bit longer and not to get distracted.

With that said, gotta now hit the books!

She's just a bitter, lonely person..

so why bother?

Couldn't have said it better. Maybe you're right baby.. just maybe, you are.

Which makes her such a sad person then. And now she's "running away", not just that, she's also giving out many reasons to show and tell, covering up how sad her life has been these past few weeks by masking up telling the whole world how "happy" she is running away. While perhaps reasoning and rationalizing her reasons too much it's beginning to sound like a cop-out.

But I still do care to some extent and that's why I did my part.. now let's see how much she does.

Hence, I wish her well, and for her to someday open her heart, eyes and perhaps brains as well to not only be honest to herself with her words, but also with her actions.

honestly.. how much dense can you get? sigh.. and we wonder how such a beautiful girl not able to hold a relationship? it's not only about the looks, it's also about the attitude and THAT has to be acknowledged! geez..

Like someone once said, too nice it makes her look so fake.

Changing Directions

Adik called tonite. After a rather long time (with him busy preparing for SPM and boarding school), we managed to talk. It was some talk.

It's a thought that he seemed to be turning to me seeking advises and opinions with regards to studies and future decision-making. He looks up to him, that I know for sure. To him, he is an intellectual, very intelligent and successful person and he wants to be like him. I know he has a lot of respect for him. Personally, I can understand the way he feels of him (well, because I think he is too). However, I wonder if he thinks the same way of me? And I wonder why.

Adik aspires to be a doctor since he begun to talk. Honestly, I can even see him as one and nothing else. And he follows the right path. He even got into a science school. Now, a little over 6 months before SPM, he change his mind. He got frustrated with mama one day not long ago when she was on his back about not studying enough. He left dinner early and went to his room, as I followed 10 steps behind him. That was the first time I heard him saying, "Kalau tak jadi doctor, tak boleh ke, kak?" I struggle hard not to sound like a counsellor but more of a sister/friend. Being a 'high explorer' to myself (Noela would've been so proud) is not enough and that nagging curiousity of the 'spin' got me thinking, where did it all went wrong?

So tonight he called, spilling out his thoughts and ideas. Trying to rationalize his actions and decisions. Somewhere between the lines, I reflected on the steps I took. We both actually had aspired to be doctors and he knows it. Only I changed my direction (and got lost many times) way much earlier than him. I suppose when I changed my 'gear' and went into Psychology; at his tender age, he would have seen me as a "quit-er" and thought that I'll fail in my journey. Because I did not follow the 'rules' of wanting something and sticking to it. The 'rules' that perhaps we both invented or was buried into us from our parents, without us realizing it - a very, very long time ago.

Perhaps the fact that I have reached this far, had me redeem myself from being a "quit-er". Who ever said it is wrong to make mistakes? To steer away from our 'focus' may mean we can never get it back? Perhaps we need to steer once in a while. Asking what "we" want rather than "why" we want it. As much as parents not living for their children, children don't live for their parents either. Yes, it would be the noble thing to do. Living for one another. Didn't someone wise said, human beings are selfish? We do try hard not to be.

I believe there are no self-less good deed.
Phoebe was right all along.

As for Adik, you can be what you want/choose to be. Just make that decision yours and yours alone. Make it so if it doesn't work out, it was your decision and you'll find you've no regrets.

We live as we create them to be.

Aha!

Yesterday I'm done with my patient, not to say he/she's completely "cured" (you don't get "cured" immediately unless you want so), but if in accordance to the Karkoff's model, we've gone through exploration and understanding mode and that's just where all the hard work ends, for me that is. For him/her, it's the action phase that'll hurt. Patient may relapse but that's something that we'll worry later on. As for tonight we're going out to celebrate! Well, actually me and him, we've already done some celebration last night, just the both of us. But it's Friday night tonight and we've made reservations.

For those who knew me considerably, they may (or not) know that I don't get bothered by things/people easily. You do your things, I do mine. You don't touch me, and I don't touch you. If I don't (or choose not to) join you, then I don't bother. Tempt me as you wish, if I get tempted, I'll go, if not, I won't. I find a lot of things a waste of time. My time, that is.

I suppose with my level of work/profession, it is easy to find that doing/worrying certain things is a waste of time.

Sitting on a session with a client of my colleague got me back to thinking, other people has other problems too. Every problem to a certain degree, holds to having the same concept of ideas/issues. The one that varies them are the intensity of humans accepting, handling and acknowledging them.

I value life. When there's life, there's hope. They say stop and smell the roses, I believe it is necessary. I believe to tasting every bit of everything. You'll never know what you like or don't like. I believe I've lived my life (so far) to the fullest. I believe I've had everything. I am thankful from the bad to the worst experiences I gained, the bitter I tasted and the irony of everything else. To me, I have had fame. I've been people's inspiration, I've been their dream. I've been all that and more. From my life experiences, I've touched the sky and I've been in the sky for long. I've gone up and I've gone down. I've seen people die, I've held their hands. I've crushed hopes and hearts. I've let many down. I've been to many places and stepped on many countries. I've made marks on many land.

From my life, I have been at the top for so long, I need to step down. Thank you baby for who you are, places you've been, ideas you've generate, thoughts you've shared. You've certainly made a better person of me.

In your own story.

All in One

So it's been a while. Nice to see you here.

As obvious, I was going full-on with things around me that I've not update my blog for a while. Let's see.. since last was the melon pan incident, man I can't even recall when that was and what had happened to the melon pan. Aida was around that night with her new hair-do. And that was early in the month!

Haywire.
I love chinese food. My mother, a Malay from Kelantan and my father, a Malay from Pahang but looks very chinese. In fact, most of his 13 siblings look chinese. If I remember correctly, arwah Tok (my father's stepmother) has a very kind, gentle chinese look. I don't know my real grandmother from Papa's side. She passed away when they were all young. Arwah Tokki (Papa's father) took care of all his 13 children til they are all big and independent before re-marrying. Very admirable.

I'm not sure where my preference to chinese food comes from. My taste bud must've gone mad somewhere through life experiences. Maybe I'm adopted? Nah, thought and researched on that one in primary school years. I am not adopted. Then I remember my mother's mom. Never met her. But according to Mama, she loves chinese food. She loves cooking too.

I have spoken too early.
Adil, Haz, him and I did catering service for JPA students on Monday night. It was tiring and I swore not to do this again while we were waiting for our transport. An hour later I changed my mind. Once seeing how the food goes and feedback given, the satisfaction is incredible. It's almost the same feeling felt after organizing Makcha's wedding reception. I couldn't care how much profit I get at this point of time. It was satisfying.

We went buying things on Friday night and preparing from then on. I'd have to say, if catering is fully my responsibility and in my hands from the beginning, I would have been more dedicated to it. Oh no, don't get me wrong. Everything is a success. Perhaps I was relying and expecting a bit more to it. He puts it well, if I were to do this again, I'll give this experience one more look and prepare myself further. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Mikey's dinner.
Sunday morning we woke up and he had this sudden craving for sweet indulgence. So we headed for Pancake House. Russion Blitz, I shall never look at pancakes the same way again. In the midst of enjoying our brunch, the phone went off singing an SMS notification. So I read, it said, "Hey Miza, how you going? Any chance you're in Adelaide? Doing anything this evening?" Mind you, I haven't seen Mike since last year after our gathering/clubbing night out before me leaving to Swiss and have certainly deleted his number from my cell (sorry mikey..) hence for the next few minutes I riddled with him who would've SMS with that note.

We gave the Botanics a visit and he made me promise to have brunch in the botanics one day and oh yes, a picnic there as well. We will, baby.. someday we will. After that long walk, we headed to Lemongrass for dinner with Mikey and the gang then back home to prepare our catering food.

Couns Session Block 2
I've certainly have a lighter case patient this time. Now hang on, I don't mean to say weight issue is light but my patient certainly is not in crisis/trauma/suicidal. Hence, the case is not as intense and research can be put to a minimal (since I've handled one before). Nevertheless, each case is not the same.

Noela once again blew my mind with her skills and knowledge. If I spend another 3 hours with her, I swore I would have no skeletons in my closet anymore. I will make sure to remember her for as long I live.

Noela Maletz is a counsellor in private practice. She sees mainly adult clients, often works with couples and occasionally works with adolescents and parents. Noela works with a client
centered approach using the 3 phase model and has completed training in
Psychosynthesis. Noela has been counselling for 17 years and has been
teaching in the couselling post graduate program at the university for 4
years.

Noela has been a registered secondary teacher for over 30 years
(teaching English, Painting, Creative Writing) and has worked in a broad
range of setting, teaching at secondary, adult and tertiary levels. She currrently teaches Critical Thinking and Communication in the School of Electrical Engineering at Adelaide University, at
undergraduate and post graduate levels.

She surely is a true inspiration as my supervisor. Not to forget Thomas (or shall I say Dr. Thomas now) last year when I was still struggling analytically and getting words out. One day when I become a psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor (insyallah), I will count on these people to reflect on my days of learning. They are in my book in this journey to becoming "somebody".

Speaking of reflection, a good friend whom has successfully completed medical school very recently wrote about people and intelligence. We are in the bubble of belief that med students are the top most brilliant intelligent students in the world but in fact they are not. To his belief, that is. Those top achievers in medicine do well not because they have the intellingence of rocket scientists, but because they are hardworking and read a lot. Medicine does not require great intelligence in comparison to engineering, mathematicians and physicians.

I believe so too.

People
Once again recently I've come across people with lots of drama in their life. I find that a lot in Malays especially, and in general. I wonder if this is a creation to spice up their lives or a cover up to heighten their self-esteem (to feel superior). I wonder if people really reflect on themselves and look at what they have achieved instead of what they don't have. I wonder what they are actually thinking. Perhaps they just have too much time in their hands that they're not sure how to make full use of them. Well, personally, I've too much on my plate with my patients. Maybe next time.

I ran away from it all. And here I'm not going to go back to those people again.

Gardening/Baking/Cooking
This is my therapeutic stress-relief. Our 5kg bread flour has probably around 2 cups left and we're totally out of yeast. Last night as requested, was Scottish Butteries. I love it. He doesn't. She does. I don't know about the other.

There's one flower on my chilli plant. New foliage are growing on the tomato plant and basil looks great. Garden is fine.

Future Plans
Saving up for a trip.
Study better.
Spend more valuable time with him.
Call home.

2 more weeks before Block 2 is due, full-on 8-5pm practicals a week later, weekend pracs the following week, and research papers both due end of the month. Hell, June's not the time I'm looking forward to.

4 months and going..

Yep. 4 months.

Went to another one of his favourite places.

Melon Pan frustration

The bread is in the oven now actually. Somehow everything is going against me (baking-wise). Well let me say that the bread dough would have been my fault. The original recipe calls for 180 bread flour and 20 cake flour. Since I've no cake flour, I made it them all with bread flour. Recipe also calls for mixing the yolks together with the yeast mixture and let it rest til bubbly but somehow it just doesn't seem to want to bubble!! It's SO bloody annoying. I'm not sure where I went wrong but the dough just doesn't rise. No matter how long I proof it, it just stayed there. Idiot. Then making the cookie dough, I've mistakenly put in a whole egg instead of 30g of it. This one I really can't blame anyone but myself. Slowly the confidence is decreasing and almost to the giving-up mode. Sigh.

Bought a thyme plant today. Learnt my lesson. Buy the one that actually has grown a bit so I can access to it easily. Better get back to my melon pan.

Mowkie

I bought bread improver few weeks ago and have yet to try it so after gathering up some confidence, I made Herb and Cheese filled buns. I was freaking out a while since the first time proving it, it didn't seem to rise but after the second time, it rose beautifully and baked nicely in the oven. I've only made half of the recipe just to see how it goes with the bread improver, have yet to try it. Waiting for him to return. So if this turns out fine, I'll try my hands on making buns this time.

It rains and pours today. Loving it.

Yesterday was a disaster for Mowkie. She had a needle stuck through her throat. Sighh.. according to mom, bibik was sewing on the floor and perhaps had left them there. While my darling cat went over and helped herself playing with a thread attached to its needle. So yesterday morning abg wants to give her food only to find her salivating so much. Immediately she was rushed to the docs. So she went under surgery because the doc has to cut the needle into half. She was released last night and was not happy at all.

Anyone wants a mischievious, spoilt rotten, highly maintenance, fluffly, fat, arrogant and absolutely adorable cat, you are welcome to notify me at any time.

Rain rain come again..

Yesterday we stayed home all day. It was Anzac Day and I made such scrumptious dessert. Cinnamon Rolls! Lucky Aida came over asking to proof-read her lab report and she came in just in time for the rolls to be consumed. Lucky lucky girl.

And finally today it rained non-stop and I'm absolutely loving it. The first rain in April I reckon. Went to my first session tonight and went allright. Haven't started with anything yet, just gathering around and a little bit of chat here and there.

We reached home almost to 10pm tonight and as he had downloaded the movie 300, we gathered around in Adil's room and watched it til close to 1am. Haz n Adil went out for a pizza while I continued piecing up my puzzle. It's a rather gloomy day but somehow I'm enjoying it best. Absolutely love the rain.

Bread

Corn bread turned out fine. Will add in corn kernels and up the sugar a wee bit more next time. So today's the last day of mid break. The following half semester will be requiring more concentration and attention that the previous, am sure.

Last night was Garlic, Herb and Feta pull-apart. Been wondering how this one turns out and taste like so I obediently followed the recipe and it was an absolute delish.

Spent close to 3 hours of marketing yesterday. We looked for bread flour or wheat gluten to make a simple basic bread but with no luck. Well it is available but it's 5kg! Thinking about it overnight would be a wise decision. But purchasing assorted cheeses and other out-of-the-usual items are fun (and cheaper, if you know what to look for) to do in the market rather than the old usual supermarket.

So today it's apple crumble to finish off Haz's apples. Will definitely get a parsley plant soon. Maybe Tuesday hmm.. =)

3 months..

..and still going.

I may give a try to making corn bread today. Unfortunately, there's no sour cream in the fridge so might go out with him since he's gotta go to the bank to pick up his card. OR.. try bribing Haz with my pizza to get a bit of her cream. Though hers is lite (yup.. i like 'em full fat.. all fat dairy products.. yum!) so think I better get my lazy bum out and buy some.

Time to water my plants! Oh and speaking of which, my tomato plant have beared me 16 cherry tomatoes and I'm very very pleased. I think it's going to stop growing fruits though. And my chilli plant has 10 green bell peppers on them. I've picked out one large chilli and have yet to try it. Basil plant, don't say. It's been countless! Haz and I have been picking on its leaves almost weekly now. Very pleased.

Till then!

Baking Frenzy!

I am going crazy over baking and cooking these past few days. Posted only some recipes I tried on my fotopages blog and recently we bought a digital kitchen scale (it was on sale.. really!!) ! Well I am on my hols but he's not so there's no point of going anywhere, so I stayed home most days and cooked or baked, trying my hands at almost anything in the mags! Now he has no reason to complain when I buy those monthly recipe books and piling them up under the bed.

I just made pizza tonight. From dough, to sauce to toppings all homemade. And tonight, I find myself missing Makcha. She enjoys baking. I remember those old days when I was a kid, she used to bake breads and buns. The whole house will be filled with those sweet and/or savoury bun fillings. Sometimes she'd make "pau". And fill them up with "kaya" or curry-puff fillings. I remember sitting on the couch in our living room legs crossed and stuffing myself with her curry-puff filled buns, watching some British cartoons on weekends. Never once I offer to help. Nor did I show any interest to how she makes them. Working in the kitchen to me those days was a bore. Thanks to the first chore handed to me; washing dishes and peeling onions. I hate getting myself or my hands wet and working with dirty dishes and peeling onions is nothing to look forward to. Up to this date, I still hate doing dishes. I loathe it. Yet, today, the smell of Makcha's sweet soft buns kept nagging my mind. It was more than a decade ago.

Kung Pao chicken was introduced to me by him. He had them when he was in Beijing and since I've never had them before and the ingredients and method seems easy to make, we decide to try our hands on it. It turned out well according to him.

I've only heard of Focaccia Bread few years back when dining in Dave's Deli and their tuna melt sandwich on focaccia bread tastes delightful. Since then, I always look forward to focaccia sandwiches but few weeks ago I found the recipe in one of my mags. So last weekend when everyone's in their room and he's occupied with his laptop, I snuck out of the room and started mixing things and kneading. It took a couple hours to proof it and wait for it to rise but the end result was absolutely delish. Especially using fresh home grown rosemary and thyme. Next morning I cut it up and all of us had breakfast with it.

I also found some recipes baking/grilling chicken. Tried my hands at making salad dressing and got a taste of haloumi cheese just kept my energy for trying out recipes, cooking and baking going. He complains everyday that I cook too much or I should take time out from cooking. You see, I think I'm just missing Makcha. If she sees what bakes I've tried on, I doubt she has the energy to bake anymore but I miss her. She had unconsciously injected a small passion/interest in me that even I didn't know. This is what's happening. And I'm sure if she sees what I'm doing and knows why, somewhere in her would be proud of me knowing how much influence she had put in my up-bringing.

So to her, I thank you and love you, Makcha. Despite the hardship we go through bringing me up, I would have never be the person I am today without you. Thank you.

West Lakes Shopping centre

We have planned to go West Lakes shopping centre few days ago. It was not til today we managed to get ourselves there.

Once we reached the mall, I realized we've been there before. Me and my family back in 2005. But anyway, we had lunch/dinner and went shopping! I bought a coat and we bought some kitchen baking ware for future baking ideas =) Absolutely LOVE the idea.

We hung out at Jamaica Blue where he felt generous to get drinks for us all, and talked about various things. Definitely, his idea of having fun. We headed home when the mall is close to closing time.

It's Papa and Mama's 27th anniversary today. While waiting for the bus, papa called. We talked for a bit. They sound allright.

Dessert anyone?

When we woke up and went upstairs today, no one was up yet. So we grabbed the opportunity to cook! I made a vanilla custard and strawberry scroll while he had his lunch from last night's dinner leftovers. He decided not to go work today (due to late night movie marathon) so I called the clinic up to make an appointment this afternoon. I accidently over-nap and only managed to get to the clinic 10mins past my appointment time. Lucky there were not many people waiting. So the doc said to make an appointment for a blood test and come again a week later.

We stopped by uni to return his library book and head home. Tonight's dinner was grilled lamb chop with mushroom sauce, creamy soft polenta, rocket and steamed broccoli with grilled tomatoes. Yum. Somehow I felt sick in the middle of the night and threw most of dinner up. Maybe it's the wind. Maybe it's the temperature outside.

Blue Gum Honey + Costa Rican coffee

Yummy, I must admit. The coffee smooth and strong, honey sweet and thick. We had these while watching a movie marathon. "Death Note" and "Ichi the Killer". Japanese movie but I ended up dozing off halfway the second movie. So did Adil. In the end it was him and Haz whom sat up through the entire marathon. It was not till about 4.30am that we managed to get some sleep.

Mental note: no more coffee and honey after 8pm.

Chicken soup + Strawberry pudding

It's his last day of holiday for him. There were no major groceries that are open so we checked-into a Hong Kong and Korean shop. We bought some japanese food and korean flour, remembering the days living with Jules, brought me back to the memory when she made us korean pancake using kimchi, chicken and some other ingredients. Someday I'll try to make it just like you did, Jules.

He made chicken soup today and I attempt on a French strawberry pudding. It was crisp on top, soft in the centre and sweet at the bottom. Except I should have used castor sugar than brown to make it look better.

Adil and Haz had some guests around tonight. Him and I ended up in our room playing guitar and talked a lot. Late that night after the guests have left, Adil and Haz knocked on our door and I went to their room to hangout and chat for a bit. It turned out to be til morning. It was good talk. Refreshing.

Strawberry Picking - Hanhdorf

Adil, me and him went to the market to do our usual weekly marketing in the afternoon. Then we went home and drag Haz from her bed so after lunch we rushed to the bus stop to catch the bus to Hahndorf to do some strawberry picking! We have been planning this for few days and the strawberries were plump, glossy and so juicy! There were millions of ripe strawberries!

I've been busy updating my fotopages lately and easter holiday is here! We've been thinking over and over of what to do on this 2-weeks holiday. After strawberry picking we walked down to Hahndorf city to look around. It was not til dark that we managed to catch the bus home. Him and I stopped in Rundle Mall for some late snack and walk around before heading home. It was a long and nice outing.