Chilli and Little Mia

Yes, little Mia has finally experienced the small slice of chilli at Paparich's last Thursday night. We all (Papa, Mama and the Khairul's) sat down fo ran early dinner before we head home. Out in the corner of my eye, both Papa and I saw her picking on something on the table but none took a serious look. Not until she suddenly cried out loud! I eased her mouth open and saw that little slice of chilli (must've fallen off papa's fingers when he accidently knocked on my chilli+soy sauce mix for my kuey teow soup). None of us noticed the chilli except of course, the little Mia.

So while Daddy picked her up, I gave her some cold water and a couple spoonfuls ice cream. Of course she loves ice cream! And quickly settled down as the heat wore off.

Sigh.

Mommy's little mug shot.

Long Holiday

So our trip to Pahang went well. Little Mia slept most of the journey. The wedding was nice. We sat at the VVIP table. Little Mia left her vomit on their table cloth. It's the second time she threw up like that. The first time, in her sleep after her first vaccination. This time, it is due to that piece of fried chicken she tried to swallow and ended up throwing them all up on the table cloth and some on mommy. Oh well..

Unfortunately the following weekend my MIL was admitted for pneumonia. She's back home now resting and came back with an oxygen tank for life support. Her lungs are swollen and she's tired most times. We drove and on our way back to KL, we stopped by Cameron Highlands. Little Mia is not used to travelling too long. And this trip was definitely quite long for her. I took 3 days EL.

The following weekend was our family holiday trip. We stayed right in front of the beach. It was awesome! We even took little Mia for island hopping. And the rest of the time was spent on the beach. She even fell asleep twice on the beach. It was also her first time tasting sea water :)

So now I'm back at work. And planning on my next trip out.
This time, I'm leaving hubby n baby out =)

Updates

First entry for 2010..

Nice one.
Not that I've been THAT busy.
Suppose I've been putting time to waste too much, too long.
Plus, I've been updating the baby blog quite often.

Let's see.
The year came in and there's no new year's resolution this time. It's still the same, about losing that kilos from preggy-days, eat healthily, walk more, etc etc. Another addition to this year's resolution is to spend as much quality time as I have with my little nuclear family. ZIP. Hello 2010.

February came, I resigned from my old job. Best decision I've ever made in my entire short life. 2 weeks later I stumbled upon another job and within a couple of weeks later, I started working again. I went through 2 job interviews and was accepted both positions. One offering higher salary, nearer to home, more time at work, less benefits and less time with family. The other offers lesser but with more benefits including for my family, less working hours and further than home. I took up the latter. Nothing tops filling my time with my family =)

By early March I reported for duty and the first day of work I returned home feeling a little blue and slightly disappointed. That was the only single day I felt crappy about work. It never happened anymore since then. My little monster has just started crawling since I've been at home after resigning. Since then she had a lot of opportunities to learn how to crawl. Now she's crawling faster and faster each day. She's even climbed up nearly 2 flights of stairs in our home to get upstairs!

Then April came and we counted the days to the 21st! I was feeling blue mixed with excitement that our little bundle of joy will turn the big ONE. Everyone's feeling hyped about it and plans for her birthday party started out. Invitations went out two weeks before the event. We had her party Apr 25th, the following weekend of the 21st. She was bitten by an insect and her whole right leg swell right up during the party. Of course she was clingy throughout the party. Damn insect! But I baked a rubber duckie cake, and made a pinata for her. I also baked a 30th Wedding Anniversary cake (red-velvet) for Mama n Papa.

This month we have applied leave for our relaxing family vacation. It'll be in conjunction with our 2nd year anniversary and of course little Mia's going with us. We've not been on vacation for quite some time now. This weekend we'll be in Pahang for a wedding. A long drive with little Mia along. Awesome!

The News

How am I to juggle work and a wife with a 7 month old baby?
We shall soon find out =)

I start early next month.

Silent Prayer

God the All Mighty..,
if by your willing,
I am able to give heaven to my child,
if that is the power you promised to all mothers,
and as you turned me into a mother,
then with all my heart,
as now she is born,
that when her time comes,
to be rejoined with you,
I forgive all her future sins - as I hope you do too - ,
and that heaven is the exact place where I want her to be.
Amen.

Storm

This is going to be "interesting".

I've so much in my mind. So much that I feel if I don't vent out to someone soon, I'm sure it'll consume me and eat me alive. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do and what not to do. The arrival of baby should be something I look forward to. And I do. God, I cannot wait to hold her. It's the other part of the story that's killing me.

I don't want to believe he'll leave me for not doing what she wants me to. I refuse to. She always uses that to defend and make me do what she wants me to do. Manipulative, yes. Sad. I always get the blues when these things happen. I feel un-supported. Yet, I don't want to offend.

Remind me this when it's your time, baby.

Life Fulfillments

I'm curious to know how the pain of giving birth feels like.

Every woman describes and experiences it differently. I hope mine would run smooth. I know it may sound strange. But today while having lunch, a very wrinkled and old lady (maybe in her 80's) with her old seat-type-crutch sat next table to us alone. For reasons I may not be able to explain, I thought to myself, if I didn't get to feel the joy of being married.. and the pain delivering my own children at least once, I've not experienced and lived a fulfilling life. A very sad old hag I'd be when I'm as old as that woman next to us. After all, they say your happiest day is your wedding day and childbirth is the most excruciating pain. For now, alhamdulillah, I'm about to satisfy both my life-fulfillment needs. So yeah I am curious to find out what all this childbirth pain people all over the world are jibber-jabbering about. And now labour pains.. bring it on before I call in the drugs! =)

Transition

Are you kidding me?

I am afraid.
Well maybe not afraid afraid..
Perhaps more of overwhelmed..

Playing the 'what if' game in my mind.
What if I cannot handle it.
What if I'm a bad mother.
What if I drop her.
What if everything's my fault?

It'll never end.

So I'll take it a step at a time.
I wish we'll have a good relationship.
Well.. don't everyone..?
I wish we'll have a healthy relationship.

I promise to do my best with what I have available at the moment in time.
That's all I can hope for.

V-Day

Rise and Shine
Happy Valentine's Day!

Quarter-Life Crisis

Its when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

With permission from Kak Mas (whom took it from someone else whom took it from someone else) - you get the drift.

Best Times

i am at the best times in my life
how could i not be?
just married and a soon-to-be mommy
if thunder comes and sweeps away
i'll always remember
i had the best times in my life
an no one is able to take that away from me
=)

Sweet Revenge

Last night was our 8th month wedding anniversary and quite shamefully to say, the first time I remembered. So this is what I made as a special treat for us after dinner. Pistachio Souffles.



Of course Koda was not allowed to have some because firstly, she's a cat. Secondly, our monthly wedding anniversary has nothing to do with her. She wasn't even with us yet when we got married. If it were Mowkie, maybe. She was with us throughout the whole ordeal even slept with us in our bedroom.

And she hates feeling left out.
So this is what we discovered this morning.



My pistachio souffle recipe! Dumped into her water bowl! Aghh!!

Buttery Baking Series

As promised, here are the photos of my Shortbread Cookies. I'm too lazy to write up another entry to this blog, so I've quoted the entry I wrote on my baby blog here.

Haa.. When the temperature shoots up, and nothing much to do indoors, I start to scamper around the kitchen searching for a reason to bake and cook!

There's the roti jala and curry series - which didn't make the mark to snap photos of - and a pound cake! In all honesty, I was looking for my long bought pistachios to make the long overdue pistachio souffles. Couldn't find them anywhere! Til my cake was rising in the oven, I found those pistachios hiding on the side of our shelf. Ugh geram nya! Anyway, here's the absolutely rich, dense, moist pound cake. Easy ingredients. It's too hot to bother going out and buy anything.


The batter - luscious texture


Ready to go into the oven!


Very pleased. Dense and moist.
The top has a thin crust to it and oh so lovely. Notice those little black dots in the cake? That's from the vanilla bean paste we bought when the family was around. Thought of doing some baking while they're here but not a chance! Mama conquers the kitchen with her yummy-licious cooking!

And these were made the night before. Shortbread Cookies!
Again, easy ingredients and dreamy.


Before baking.


Into the cookie jar! Quick!


YUM!

Ahh.. the joy of baking =)
Very satisfying.

Welcoming Summer 2009

The heat is on!
A scorching 41 degrees today and I don't like it.

With such weather, no one's allowed to go out today. Not even Koda. I've prepared some frozen ice water in bottles in the freezer and cut watermelons in the fridge to cool off during the day. Thought of making something that I can chuck into the oven but hubs mentioned beef curry so it's roti jala time! Mama brought a roti jala cone from home and has yet to try them on.

Yesterday he mentioned there's no cookies in the house. He googled and found a simple shortbread cookies recipe and I followed it. It's ever-easy, not too sweet and makes 20-30 cookies. Melts in the mouth, takes less than a quarter of the day to prepare and bake. Easy-peasy. Perfect for this preggie lady. Trick is - best quality butter you can ever find and vanilla beans. YUM! I've pictures and will share soon.

This blog has been neglected for a long while. With a baby coming along, I've decided to focus my attention on him/her. And write down as many thoughts, physical changes and note every detail I can for the baby blog. 25 weeks into the pregnancy world and already the discomfort settles in. While many ladies out there talks about morning sickness, I'd have to say that's the least experience I had to encounter. My biggest concern was my backpains. Horrible. If I were to fall preggie once again, remind me to be prepared of the backpains. Then again, each pregnancies are different. We'll just wait and see.

Well, off to making some yummy roti jala and beef curry!

Resolution

2.0.0.9
1. lose most of these baby-weight (g'luck!)
2. eat healthily (especially while breast-feeding)
3. not to forget my role as a wife, especially after the baby arrives
4. take vitamins
5. find baby food recipes
6. walk more, car less
7. call home more often
8. love more, think less
9. sell those no longer worn clothes on e-bay
10. take health-care more seriously

It's said this year's summer is the coldest in 17 years. And I LOVE it!
So on NYE we headed off to watch the fireworks. Only to be disappointed with people's rave in front of The Grand. Certainly not a place for this heavy mom-to-be. This year has the worst case of arrest and I'm not surprised.

Hopefully next year we'll be able to find a better spot and bring the little one along for his/her first firework watch =)

Another year ends, to another year begins

*Babymoon*

Yes, we are expecting =)
I am 23 weeks along, with a baby bump, gaining close to 10 kgs and been stuffing my face with food every few hours.



That would be approximately very close to midnight with a kebab and coffee in hand hehhe



Right before confirming my pregnancy with Dr. Frearson, my GP-before changing to Dr. Chandler, an ob. Look closely at the clock on the wall, our appointment was at 11am. Was very nervous. I had only taken a take-home pregnancy test kit 2 days before and it had 2 blue lines. Seeing how nervous I was, darling hubby took me out for breakfast before the appointment.


*this was taken right after the positive home-preggie test*

So I am now gaining and gaining and gaining weight. I'm already at a weight I've never been on before and curious to see what's my maximum by the end of it. I'm also crossing fingers I'd be able to shed off most of it.

Baby's been kicking about since 16 weeks. S/he loves to kick about and now I can actually see my belly moves to his/her beat. Few days ago s/he had the hiccups.

I've also created a baby blog. It's a blog for all our future kids and also for my own keepsake.

As the big 2.0.0.8 ending very, very soon, I'd like to recap the year before 2.0.0.9 arrives:
1. Moved into a lovely new house
2. Marry the man I fell in love with for 6 years
3. Be the wife of the same man
4. Went on a honeymoon
5. Conceived for the first time
6. Worked and left the company
7. Road trips and travelling just the two of us
8. The addition of Koda to our small family
9. Discovered how much similar Koda is preparing us to parenting!
10. Learning so much about babies and pregnancies than I'd ever learnt anything through school!
11. Saw a hearbeat that is not mine in me!!
12. Finding out nausea and hunger can appear at the same time
13. Thought I'd know everything I'm supposed to know about pregnancy only a hell lot more!!
14. Backpains! Backpains! Backpains!
15. Diagnosed with a blood condition
16. Learnt what reflux is all about!
17. Looked at my own uterus accepting my pregnancy
18. Looked at a foetus at 7 weeks old
19. Gained weight more than I've ever had in my life!
20. Constipation, constipation, constipation
21. Saw a heartbeat that is not mine in me!!
22. and discovered the possibility of being or walking alone but not feel alone =)

Though the new year hasn't even begun yet, I just know 2009 has big plans installed for us. Surprises and challenges awaits!

A be-earlied Happy 2009, everyone!

Merry Christmas!

This was unshamefully taken from bugbites
Yan, i hope you don't mind =p

I love being married.
He didn't promise a large, wealthy life.
Nor did he ever promise an easy one either.
What I see is what I get.
Nothing has changed, thankfully.
He is still he and I am still me.
Except now I am a wife.
I am his wife.
And everyday seems to get better and better because of it.

Updates

Phew~
It's that time of the year yet again.

I am now recuperating. The whole fam was over for 2 weeks or so and our days were filled with their company. During their stay we managed to go on a road trip to Melbourne and the Great Ocean Road, then to Gold Coast before they left back to Msia. We stayed an extra 2 days after sending them off to enjoy the awesome beach and some precious time together. Now we're back home and everything's back to normal. Though I must admit, I've started packing a little and getting ready for another short 'getaway' (or adventure/experience) =p

Now that we're back home, Christmas is less than a week! Boy, time flies! Christmas deco are all up and people are busy shopping around for last minute gifts. It all looks pretty exciting!

I think Little Miss Koda is still a little nervous when we get ready to go out. She's been left home alone with a dear friend coming to visit every other day to fill her bowls while we were out. The whole fam just loves her to bits. Even Mama!

I've pictures to update and more things to blog but for now, my back hurts. Ouch!

A Tribute

*Imad in dark blue*
1990 - 2008

Last night Mama called with the news. It was shocking but expected kinda way. He's been battling heart problems ever since we knew him. A very intelligent engineering major young man, straight A student and more like a family to us. More than often he came for sleepovers and join family activities. First time I knew him we were at Nando's with my mom and brother having lunch. Shy boy but quickly overcame it. He came few days early to our wedding to help with preparations and was very diligent.

*Imad in white*
May 26th, 2008

He was playing football yesterday afternoon and was at his university campus. After the game, he went to his room and collapsed. They took him to the hospital and he passed away at around 8pm or 9pm (Msian time). The last time we met him was at the airport. He had came to see us off to GC for our honeymoon and back to Aust.

Yassin and Al-Fatihah to Imaduddin.
May he be placed among the best.

Oh Dear..

It sure has been very long! My darling little girl Koda has been up to some very mischievious things lately. And she's turned more vocal than before! This morning she was playing with blinds again and somehow got caught in it. So I assume with her weight, it broke. Luckily I'm married to an engineer whom loves to fix things. This morning he jumped up on my then crawled onto hubby and mew in his ear. Suppose she's trying to tell him she did something wrong. He inspected the blinds while she sat watching and made up a guilty face. Yeah, right. Never fall for it. Last night she was lying around so I came over and asked if she's depressed. Hubs said "don't fall for it!"

I've been playing in my mind the times when my family comes down. It'll be our first family get-together since we left after our wedding. Now that I've my own nuclear little family, I'm missing my extended family even more. Unlike being single, I've always insist in making my own decisions, set my own goals and turn to friends for advice and support. I'm not your typical girl whose close to her family and get along with her mom. Now for me, those days are certainly over. And it had started to change rather dramatically during those "trying" times leading up to our wedding. Almost felt like I'm in a different dimension. Suddenly I feel like I'm daddy's little girl and everyone takes care of me. Now I call Mama for advice, Papa sms weekly asking how I'm doing and to refer to him when in doubt or in need, I call Abg and Adik randomly when they're in college. Kak Long emails more often, cousins asking or sms-ing how I'm doing etc. They're all concern about darling hubby and asking how we're doing almost weekly. When all these while I had thought that when I'm married, we'll be further apart. Interestingly it brought us closer, eh? One of the wonders of life.

I never know how to answer honestly when people asks "so how's married life treating you?" Do you want me to detail everything or would you rather a simple answer. So I'd usually respond with "okay" Which often feels more than okay to me. Of course we've our ups and downs, lows and highs. We're not living in a fairy tale land here. And when I entered married life, I didn't enter it with a happily-ever-after mindset either. I don't even expect to be happy all the time. And I'm glad I'm not. But most of the time, I am. As cliche this may sound to you, I'd rather be no where else right now than here. I'm not even curious what my life would've been like. I suppose the correct answer would've been it's different. There's ups and downs but there's always us. Unlike single life, it's either I'm alone or with understanding friends. Especially when we're so far away from our families. I suppose the distance from our immediate families just brought us even closer to each other. But it's definitely more than and okay.

As usual, since the last I blogged there had been so many changes and happenings. But we're still the same =) Oh we've been Scrabble addicts recently. But always with a dictionary or the cheat-o-matic website in hand to check our opponent's words really exists. Trust me, you'd want it in handy especially when you play with darling hubby hehhe!!

My Little Tiger

This morning it was Koda's routine. Get her bowl filled, drink, go outside for potty and jumped into bed with me. Rather, to annoy me. Now that darling hubby's so busy with his work, she seems to be asking more attention from me. Last night she mew to announce she caught a small moth. Played with it and ate it. Eww! I still have trouble comprehending that cats eat those stuff. This morning she brought in an acorn and played football with it noisily. She even brought it to the bedroom to announce it. Gosh. My little tiger.

I had forgotten our monthly anniversary. We went to the market and darling hubby suggested dinner at a new Szechuan Chinese Restaurant in town. Love the ambience. Simply love it when out of the blue he takes me out to eat. Then some gelatos and coffee for dessert.

I had planned to write more but am getting distracted at something I think I might 'need'. hehee!

Updates

Darling hubby's been rather boring these few days. He's engrossed in his work especially now that he's only few months left. So yesterday I got up seeing him asleep on the sofa as usual after a long night's work. Get dressed and decided to give my hairdresser a visit. Absolutely love her. She's Korean and as most of them are, they're very into fashion and styles and take great interest in them too. Though they're nothing comparing to Europeans, I don't mind Koreans at all. And I love the fact she does my hair exactly how I want it to be. Good. A bonus when it's only 5 minutes from home. Only thing is that they're always busy so I can't do drop-ins like with mine back in Msia. Bummer.

Now with a nice blow and healthy feel to my hair, I can't possibly head home can I? So took a detour to Dymocks and Angus n Robertsons, browsed and gave a read through some books. Thought of doing some groceries but left my list at home. So just went through those yummy delicacies and gourmet items. That's what I love about Burside Village. Everything is there. Only I had to make 3 rounds to get a decent parking spot at lunch time. That's gotta be better than parking in BSC or Pavillion, I thought. Lunchtime or not, it's always full!

Head home it's already 3pm and darling hubby just woke up. He gets ready and we head out for an yummy, huge, early dinner at Spargo's. Must be brunch for him. Then as we browsed through the mall after a heavy meal, I spotted something really nice at Colorado. Half an hour later we both ended up with a pair of shoes each!! Yay!

Koda has ventured outside the house area now. To parking lots and beyond. So long she doesn't get into Sylvia's way, I just hope they don't fight.

The Attempt to Sleep-in

I was loving my night's sleep since darling hubby was up the whole night writing his thesis while the rather comfortable me conquers the whole bed to herself! Yes of course my heart goes all out to darling hubby up all night working away, and yes I do miss that hubby-warmth and soundly snores! But I've to admit, I enjoyed last night's sleep.

Now as much as I was enjoying it, I thought I'd sleep un-disturbed when at 5am in the morning, a 3 kgs bundle of dense furball jumped on the bed and made herway straight onto my tummy. Gets herself comfortable and slumped herself half on my belly and the pillow next to me. I thought to myself half sleepily, fine. Sleep. Few minutes later, she starts purring ever so loudly! Somewhere between 5.30am to 6am I stirred in my sleep and she's gone. Only to jump back on few minutes later so I cried out to darling hubby and he peered through the door. I turned to my side thinking to myself she might not want to get on me this time! But she came around and slumped on the pillow I was hugging onto instead! Third time round, it's already 7am. She let out a mew and I stroked her saying, "you're not gonna let me sleep, are you?" and she purred. I called out for hubby and asked him what she wants, is her bowl full or the back door open for potty. He filled her bowl and she followed him. So I hit the sack at a final attempt of having few more seconds to myself.

Just under 2 minutes, she's back on the bed nudging both my hands for a stroke/rub. So I let her sleep and stroked her. As soon as the purring stopped, I made a silent attempt to leave the bed and make breakfast. And guess what, she wakes up! Walks around the house and playing! Goodness!!

I made berries pancakes for two and end up eating mine all by myself. Darling hubby's too engrossed in his work to eat. I think he's motor's running and he'd rather not stop or else it's hard to get started again. So I let him be.

Then my next attempt to just be in bed catch up on some light readings didn't go undisturbed either. Koda jumped and joined me. She's either curled up next to me or on my belly while I finish reading. She's one of a character there. One bloody of a character!

Come mid-noon I went to the kitchen only to find there's still breakfast for him on the table, untouched. So I dress up and decided it's time for some air. Soothingly coaxed darling hubby to join me for coffee and take some time off his work. He's been working more than 12 hours straight. Managed to get some coffee and sandwiches for lunch then straight home. Guess what, instead of continuing his work, he went straight to bed! Poor thing. And Koda? She's happily playing outside.

I think she just enjoys harrassing me in bed.

It's her new thing.

Sigh.

Shopaholic!

When they released their first 2 books few years back in MPH bookstore (M'sia), I used my own allowance and bought them both. Not that I was eye-ing for them. Incidently, I was waiting for my soon-to-be hubby then, for a casual date and found the catchy book cover in Kinokuniya (KLCC). Thought I'd do some light reading to let time pass by. And indeed it was!

The very first few things about her writings was that she made me laugh. Now, I believe only my darling husband knows it's not easy to make me laugh (whole heartedly and intentionally, that is) when I'm alone watching TV or read books. I hardly laugh watching cartoons or comedies unless there are people around just to please them and show I'm having a good time. A people-pleaser, really.

Anyway, I bought the first few books then the next few when they're released and brought them all to where-ever I move. Then when I was back to MPH for holidays a year or two back, I bought the continuous books and the latest, Shopaholic and Baby. Somehow lost in the midst of starting a new life, I completely forgot about the book and had abandoned it. Today I've finished reading it and looking forward to getting her latest, Remember Me?

Little did I know there's a movie release on her first book Confessions of a Shopaholic! Played by Isla Fisher and will be out in 2009. Now, no, I'm not going to wait til the make a movie out of her new book. I'm determined to read it first then rattle on about how the movie was nothing like my imaginary characters in my mind when I read the book! Of course my imaginary characters are better.

Honestly.

Maggi

I know. I know. September as usual is a month of celebration. A bonus when it's Ramadhan. I've pictures but I don't feel like uploading now.

Picked up a couple packets of Maggi (curry flavour) noodles last weekend at the market. Koda this morning while waiting (rather impatiently) for her bowl to be filled, managed to raid the shelve and one of them fell. So try as I might, unsuccessfully, to wake up darling hubby (okay Koda and I both tried) for breakfast. I've had chicken sausages, potatoes, veges and scrambled eggs in mind. It's almost 11.30 and he's still sound asleep. In his defense, he was up all night writing his thesis. Fine. My gaze went to the packet of noodles lying on the kitchen floor. Now that's something I've not had for a very long time. Suddenly those nostalgic memories of boarding school life hits me. It's time for some curry Maggi noodles 'kosong'. No egg, no veges, nothing.

Gosh the smell. I remember. The bitter. The sweet.

Koda wasn't very active last night. We both think the drugs has wore off and the pain is starting to set in for her. She'd tempt to play if you play with her but most of the time she sleeps or just lie down. Poor girl. She's still not allowed to play outdoors. Though this morning I woke up to her purr and numbness in my left arm where she comfortably snooze off.

Raya went out fine. We set off to Sydney for a small getaway sometime before Raya. We went crabbing once with Hamdi. That reminds him to ask when he wants to pick up his kitten.

Off meeting Steve to pick up something very, very important. For now, my noodles are getting cold.

Koda Care

Oh dear. Yesterday we sent Koda for her de-sexing surgery and microchip-ing. She's almost 6 months now (in 2 days time to be exact) and before she gets on her first heat, it's time to de-sex her and get that microchip done so she can run freely outdoors without darling hubby worry sick. She has fell down our backdoor balcony once completely unharmed but shivering scared in the cold winter night and turned up in front of Julie's (our neighbour) back door. Luckily we have engraved her name and my number on her collar.

I smartly thought experience with Fluffy and Mowkie I'd be able to handle Koda's recovery from surgery fairly well. I was wrong. Unlike both Fluffy and Mowkie, Koda's utterly complete the opposite. Right after picking her up from the vet, she looked alert and ready to play. Reached home, she rushed to her bowl and started looking at both of us gestering us to playtime. Now like any surgery, it is strictly important for her to stay put, no jumping or games, feed only half the amount of daily food and no picking or licking her wound. Dr Stirling has also mentioned to watch out for signs of pain, swelling, discharge from wound, and reduced appetite. Koda on the other hand seems to still love eating, jumping from couch to bed to our laps, running and sliding her body on the floor catching imaginary insects or rounded lumps of papers. We ignored any games she plays but only cuddles and stroke her to help her relax. She's also restricted to indoors only for these couple weeks. I don't think she's happy with that.

So after dinner she usually takes a nap for a few hours and wakes up around 11pm. But not last night. She was up and about up until we were sound asleep. It's a no wonder after those bouts of jumping, running and sliding last night, early this morning about 5am she gags, glugs and vomits on our bedroom floor, hallway and in the shower. Luckily darling hubby's already up doing his work before hearing her gags and glugs, quickly picked her up and send her to the bathroom. It was a considerable amount of odourless vomit from her meal. Amazingly, right after we clean up, she's up and about doing more jumping and getting excited because we're up. Fluffy and Mowkie had only taught me of being silent, sleep and lying around after surgery. Nothing like this.

I made a call to the vet explaining everything and she wants us to keep close eye on Koda in case she vomits again and for any sign of pain. She also suggests we keep her in a confined area (i.e laundry room or toilet) and that idea doesn't seem very appealing to darling hubby. So we try to keep her from jumping too much and ignore her playtime.

It's interesting how we became particular and start noticing small changes. We whisper around her when she's asleep, carefully inspect her wound every few hours, cuddles and try to calm her when she's hyper, and takes note what time she sleeps, wake, eat, and poo! It sure feels like we're taking a peek into parenthood, eh? =)

Little Waltz

Ramadhan

Ahh.. first Ramadhan as hubby and wife didn't particularly turn out the way I'd imagined to be when I was young and naive. Well, I certainly wasn't taking many into thinking at that moment. And alhamdulillah we passed through the first day healthily and satiated by the end of the day.

Jemput goreng is still a must menu for breaking fast. Tonight was accompanied by ayam masak lemak and bok choy vege dish. We've still some lamb roast and vege roast leftovers from last Saturday's roast weekend with friends.

Koda's really cute. She snores, purrs, farts, sighs, grunts, every sound you can possibly imagine but meow. She only meows when asking for her food at mealtime. Today we went and bought a new brand of food for her. She's such a pig. But it'll be nice to see her gaining weight a bit more than the first time she arrived. The other night she actually went to hubs lips and kissed it because he was snoring so loudly. Hehe.

Dreams =)

Koda pt 2

Woke up in the middle of the night to find darling hubby snoring in my ears on my left and Koda purring in my ears on my right. No wonder I woke up.

Today is Koda's third day being introduced the outdoor world. She only started chasing ants today. She enjoys watching Youtube with hubby dearest, listens to rock music, follows us everywhere in the house, thinks my Sea World dolphin her worse enemy and my echidna her play ball. Sylvia's very not happy with her. She hasn't been around much either since she first met Koda. The first time, she pounced, hissed, spit, made very aggressive noises through our grill door from the outside. Poor friendly Koda. Sylvia has a new name now. Krazy Kat

Koda

Introducing... Koda!!
She's a 4 month old tortie British Shorthair who purrs SO much and loud! She sleeps on my lap and in bed with us, still very much a baby, makes baby sounds sometimes, sees darling hubby as her playmate and me a source of comfort and food provider, love snuggling with us on the sofa and have only heard 5 mews since she came! She sleeps in any position she's in at the time. Even when being picked up, she can still close her eyes. Follows us around to every room/corner we go. Currently in training to walk on leash and adapting well.

Her flight was delayed for half an hour last Thursday but half an hour after, was inspected and turned into our hands at 7.30pm.

Mission Accomplished =)

Ok when I ventured into my first missions, I wasn't expecting to be successful in a double mission =) But I certainly am very happy. Tomorrow our mission arrives and will introduce you. Definitely.

Is it.. is it not..

A few seconds dip and it showed results right away
Is it trustworthy? We shall find out tmrw, i hope

Lamb Shanks and Blintzes

After quite some time having no-rice asian based cooking, I just realized perhaps darling hubby would prefer to have a more Msian style food. He is Kelantanese, anyway (where people eat rice for b'fast, lunch n dinner). Not that he had complained about it. He eats everything I make every time. Sometimes even requests some ideas. The few days we were at my parent's before we leave the country, Mama dearie would often asks what he likes to eat and assures me that he is a more rice-traditional food type of person, tengok muka pun mama tau! No, he's not a fussy eater nor a hate-vegetables type. Except pumpkin and tempeh. Loathes them. Other than that, he eats all types of cuisines. So yesterday I cooked rice and made sambal terung. Bought 2 huge eggplants (and seriously, they are huge in comparison to the long pencil type we are used to back in Msia) and used one of them to make the sambal, and also the ever so simple ayam kicap. Two most simple dishes and he sat at the table for quite some time there. Even requests those leftovers for his lunchbox to work today. Oh dear.. selfish selfish me..

On the contrary, here's some pics from last week. Spiced Lamb Shanks and a bed of mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes.


Blintzes with fresh blueberry sauce.


I'm not going to tell you about my mission until I've accomplished it. But I sure am looking forward to this weekend!

Wind and Pour

psst..
am on a mission

Cold cold Days

0.8 degrees it was last weekend. Followed on close to that figure a few days onwards and set out to be the coldest of days. That surely didn't stop us going casserole hunting! hee..

So that had resulted in darling hub-hub knocked down with swollen tonsil, cold, and flu-like symptoms for the whole week! if i tell you how difficult he is with medicines, you won't believe me. then again, i am too =p After our last casserole dish broke into two, we managed to find a good one that is not heavy for me to wash! ain't that just great! plus, it was on sale! Am absolutely loving it. Finding myself looking out for recipes and reasons to make casserole dishes.

Yesterday, with a husky sexy voice (don't be fooled, it's the flu) he took me out again without any agenda actually. B, jom go out! That's all he needs to say to get yours truly here up early, long shower, and out the front door though I've no idea where we're going or what he's up to hehe.. And didn't I mention I'll try not to shop ridiculously early on this year? So though we didn't get anything from those tempting tempting shops, it was such a good outing I must say. Went for a movie, surveyed some items for the home, had pizza, coffee, and walked around town. Simple and nice.

And guess what now. His tonsil hurts again! Ok, one thing I can't do much about is his amplified snore at night when he's sick. Oh dear me. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me in the middle of the night! Poor b, we better get extra comfy pillows soon and some Codral in you! jeng jeng...

Short and Sweet

Am clean.
And cleared up.
*yay!*

Dark Night

Few weeks ago as we were comfortably snuggling on our sofa watching TV after dinner as usual, at approximately 11 or 12 midnight, came a faint crying sound outside. Perfectly like a cat's mew. We immediately exchanged looks and obviously the first two times I heard them, I assured hubby that it's Sylvia, the fat cat. Along came the third time, I gripped his arm and said, b it's help! Someone's screaming help! Over a miniscule second of the fourth and fifth cry, I changed my mind again. Then it came louder. And definitely help! We rushed through the front door and peered overlook our balcony, a woman was running, screaming please somebody help me, chasing a tall unknown male screaming back to her in an Asian dialect (Korean I thought, then again, could be Cantonese?) while he disappeared around the corner. Neighbours along the streets had came out their front doors and hubby dearie (without a jacket and short khaki pants) had long rushed into the bitter cold winter night and chasing after her. So does a few male neighbours alongside. Wrapped in a thin sofa blanket, I waited on the balcony till he re-appears (risau jugak lah!) with others, I overheard few neighbouring women on the streets along the lines of 'I've called the police.. they're on their way.. what happened?' No one knew. There was a police car further up the corner of the street and the woman screaming help was talking to him.

Just as we thought the neighbourhood was safe enough. Sure was an eerie night tho. I supposed the way the screamed help was so frequent, making her sound (honestly!) like Sylvia.

Oh he's up now.

Grumpy grumpy me

the one thing i hate about winter is
when it's so hard to get fresh herbs grown
and available in the markets as well.. sigh

One month's worth of update

Oh my my it's been almost a month! Ok nothing much has changed except.. my visa's been approved yesterday so am no longer here nor there (yay!), mama's got a new maid which I'm sure she's terribly happy about, papa's got a new driver for him in Muadzam and one in KL, darling hubby's well and been hanging out at home more often, our wedding photos came out in one of M'sia's mag (which I've no idea about til papa called recently and mentioned it, then had pestered them to post us a copy here), am not all cleared up yet (and so I discovered), so he bought me health insurance and I've to schedule for another appointment soon, finally got in touch with dear Kak Nana when she sms mama and gave my number here! yay! there's a new Indian cuisine restaurant in town, the girls and their bf's came over for some lasagne and pizzas recently, oh that reminds me to set up a date for mamat to come over, he's back with my dvd and wanted to come over the weekend before but we already had plans at the time so we've to reschedule, and... I'm back to baking goods! =)

Ok it may sound as if I'm in a rush here but we've to do groceries shopping tday and am planning for a lamb roast yum! so I've to compile some things before we head to the market!

oh yes, to missbumblebee, no i've not the time yet to upload our wedding pix byk2 lah dearie, but will do soon, ok? =)

All Clear

Yes, and I'm about 90% sure. So we went to Burnside pharmacy and get the essentials.

Wednesday was assigned to a new project due end of this week, Thursday went to the clinic for a follow-up (though I must say, am not entirely convinced with her work at the time but since it's cleared up today, am a bit fine with it), Friday to Syar's picnic and the chest clinic, and Saturday to Aunty Bedah's. Today is spring cleaning day.

Poor hubby's back hurts tonight from sweeping the courtyard though we managed to do some groceries that were long due. Soon we shall head to the yellow and blue building to get some things for the house.

Hmm.. so. For a while there, I've been thinking. Strange enough, why is there endless laundry since we got back? Now I realized, it's winter. We pile clothes on ourselves for one day. Then out they go into the laundry bin. Now, that's why. Weather's been cold as usual.

Things to buy:
1. Casserole dish
2. Vacuum cleaner
3. Heavy-based saucepan
4. Coat rack
5. More photo frames

And yes, I have recently turned into a photo frame collector. There are still a few we received as wedding presents lying unpacked on the floor but not all wedding photos are in our hands, yet. Hopefully, soon.

Aunty Bedah's so sweet to give us a wedding present. It certainly is being put into good use. Thank you SO much, aunty. And gosh her potato puffs are good. *yum*

Friday also was movie day! We hired some movies and watched them before bed. Which also resulted in me having nightmares. I've been waking up feeling tired these couple days.

Now that we're a little financially stable (plus salary's coming in next week *yay!*), it's time to update some items for the house. And that means.... shopping!! And clothes! Okay not that I've not done any before the honeymoon, but it's winter and seasonal shopping is a must, rite? =p

I am absolutely dreading to go work tomorrow. Sigh. And the appointment at 11.30. Oh my my! Help!

One day, I wonder..

So now.. what's next?

Honeymoon..
Have fun..
Enjoy each other's company..
Go on short vacations..
Celebrate puasa, raya, bdays, anniversaries together..
Settle down..
Then...
make babies!
Well, I guess once we've made one, there wouldn't be a "what's next.." question. The list shall go on.. and on.. and on..

Yeah..
That sounds like a good plan, eh? =)

A month and fresh noodles

This morning I was just about to stir into conscious when he kissed my forehead and wished happy anniversary. So I forgot. Big deal. *bwek*

I didn't actually, really. I remembered yesterday =D

Last night he requested double chocolate fudge brownies. *yummo*
I'm supposedly due for a checkup today but since he's a meeting, we rescheduled for tomorrow. That reminds me to give them a ring soon. On Sunday after watching countless 'noodle-making' videos, he got all geared up to make some of our own. It certainly was NOT as easy as they made them to be! Somehow he managed to turn them into...






kuey teow/fettucine!

hehe ok I'm not too sure which it turned to but it's similar to either. Only kuey teow's generally made from rice flour and fettucine from 00-type flour. This one's from our own plain flour. Which I had fried and made char kuey teow-my version. He said we're no longer buying noodles anymore after this. If you say so, b =)

Later that night we snuggled up again (it's especially cold that day) and watched Gattaca.
I must say, I've been having troubles keeping my eyes open after 10pm lately. It's rather annoying. I'd be happy to wake up early in the morning and sleep later than 10 at night as I used to when we were back in Msia. Hopeless now.

Haggard

At some time on Friday we watched this original version of Herr Mannelig and went into obsession for Lord of the Rings



So we headed to the video rental shop and rented all three Lord of the Rings's DVD (plus Gattaca) and spent Saturday evening snuggling on the couch with my 'cuk' blanket watching a marathon of LOTR. It was the first night I managed to keep my eyes open past 10pm and all the way to 3 in the morning.



The song and movie sure creeps in. Don't you just feel like watching LOTR again? Sigh.
That night I dreamt of being on a mission =P

3 wks and 6 days

That's how long I'm married to a wonderful man. Holding this next and new role in my life is certainly so much different. From being someone's fiance to a wife is a switch nothing to what I had imagined. I thought I was prepared, for sure. Just like I heard from every other females embarking the journey. But it's not til the night papa gave me away that I felt it all. It's all a rush of emotions. Everything is, that night. Nothing has prepared me for that night. No words, no amount of encouragements nor any advises I get prepares me for it. And I bet nothing would have.

Our daily life has changed tremendously, of course. Meeting people, introductions, lovely wishes and gifts. Interactions are certainly not the same. People start looking at an adult, leading your own life instead of trying to direct it to theirs. They are still full with endless advises, support and encouragements but in a different way now. Ways perhaps only a newly married couple would be able to understand. We always feel loved especially around our family, and this time it sure feels a lot extra. More over with an additional member to the family. *spread the love, spread the love*

We have turned into people with great responsibilities. With that word, unconsciously, comes confidence, willingness and hope. It all shows in our body languages with other people. We seem to notice that with one another. And I must say, I am outmost proud of my man. I didn't see it coming but it came at the most perfect timing. And so I begin to understand more of him. It's true they say. Every day, every step, every stage, every phase, we learn something more about the other. That's why we are never ready to get married. We can never be 100% sure especially nearing the day. There are only a certain amount of trust and belief that we must've hold onto at some point in our r'ship, to make it happen. Yeah, couple years before we're married, I can say I'm sure this is the one for me. I can bravely say I'm ready. Come few months before the wedding day, then all doubts and uncertainty sets in. All the 'IFs' starts filling my mind tremendously. Generally, reality sets in. If there are any hardships engaged couples had to go through, I'd say for us is this. Couple months before the wedding. That's where I struggled hard and asked for strength. Alhamdulillah, everything went beautifully and fine. Heart and health was all I asked for, remember? And those were just exactly what I get.

Was online with Suc last night. A new year, a new beginning. Need to send photos to her soon.

Am getting headaches often nowdays. I think today's due to sleeping without a pillow last night. Slept on dear hubby's arm instead hehe.. This morning on the way to work we came across this boy drinking his chocolate drink and made me wanting for one. Geez am almost turning into a slob! So we went down to ... and came across some free tasting cheeses and bread. YUM! I don't remember the name of the cheese now but we gotta find that cheese! YAY!

Scones

Baker's Delights choc mud scones and spinach, fetta and pesto scones when heated are absolutely marvelous.

Am not much of a scone fan. Just don't enjoy the texture of it. Nor am a sponge cake fan. After doing our weekly groceries we stopped at the bakery and bought those scones. Yummo!

Darling hubby ended up not going to work again today (boss takde, ceh!). I suppose it's due to my nasi lemak this morning for breakfast. My sambal was really HOT! We bought a new brand of dried chillis (the usual brand cannot be found anywhere now for some reason) and it's very superbly hot. My beautiful hubby here has sensitive tummy, though he loves spicy food.

It certainly is very cold here.

Baby

kak long's email early this morning..
"if you decide to have baby,
may he or she be as cute and inquisitive as this one.."
this one sure is, eh? =)

8 days

relief. sad. guilt.
if other emotions occur, it's temporary.

Back to work

Felt much much better and started work yesterday. It was such a hard decision to make that morning hehe.. but on the way to work I felt unusually happy. hmm.. maybe the thought of meeting everyone and the sights on the way to work suddenly made me excited. It certainly does have that sudden calming effect on me. Guess it's the mere thought of being back. Yes. Home =)

They were surprised of course. Especially when I had mentioned to be back on the 4th instead 16th =p Workload is not much. Updating with my projects etc etc. All good.


So what's the plan tday? Off to the long missed rundle and shop shop shop!! ok maybe not. i've definitely and successfully burn a LARGE hole in darling hubby's pocket. just the essentials now. just the essentials. ;)

Roasts

Tonight's the first time I cook dinner for us.
Balsamic-dijon maryland roast.
We dropped by the market just before it closed after work.

Much better

By today am still very cautious to how I'm feeling.
I take note every pain and movement.
So by the end of the day, the night before I close my eyes, I was still contemplating in my mind whether I should go in for work the next day or not =p

Hommie

yes.
we're back.
home sweet home.
indeed with massive entries soon.
for the meantime,
we're recharging ourselves.

Headache

This is terrible.
Bad, bad, horrible headache.
me need food.
more foooddd.

B.L.e.D

It starts today, tonight.
No wonder it was so bad the past couple days.
Ouch.

Went to Coles in the afternoon. Am sick of staying home. Managed to persuade beloved hubby to take me out!

Home.. so-sweet home

By the time we reach home yesterday it got worse. He had to go Coles by himself to get food for lunch yesterday. It just went from bad to worse til today. He skipped work and cooked, cleaned, unpacked, watched over me, making sure I don't lift anything over 500gms =D

The house was so clean and smelled so good when we opened the front door. Am so proud of him for doing such a great job at it. Soon this house will be filled with decos of mine hehe.. all mine!

It's so cold here. Winter is here.
My darling hubby being such a homely-type boy misses home cooked meals and surely is sick from eating-out for nearly a week! Since I wasn't feeling too good, he made nasi goreng with chicken. I on the other hand was craving for mashed potatoes! Weird eh?

GC Day 7

Back to Adelaide!
Flight at 11.15am.
We scheduled a cab at 8.30am and left!
Fish and chips at the airport (best ever!) and board the flight.

Feeling better =)
Can't wait to get home!

GC Day 6

We ordered in. room service *yay*
By night fall I was feeling a little better.
We wanted to go for Japanese but it's closed so we went for Thai.

It's at 7.15am so we left at 7.
Reached by 7.20am.
Smack 10 he said.
Went back by 10am.
And it started straight away.
Ouch.

GC Day 5

By today am getting more scared than ever. We spent the whole day out. He bought ice cream and we searched for a shop selling jumpers and long-sleeved tops. He got sick of the breakfast at the hotel so we went out for noodles. Only one food shop was open that morning.

Hunger strikes a little less aggressive today.

GC Day 4

We've came to the conclusion long before this trip not to go on any parks. It'll be just a relaxing day of "doing nothing" together. After the hassles and bustles we went through for the past couple months, we're in desperate condition to wind down and sit back. Just us.

It's the Queen's bday tomorrow.
And am getting hungry every second =p

GC Day 3

Not too well. Tired. Dinner at the Korean BBQ restaurant. Have not felt so stuffed before!!
Went for a long walk to clear our heads (and burn out the fat!). They're showing fireworks tonight.
With Bugs Bunny and Sylvester and the whole Warner Bros crew.

Our savior of the night.

There were an NZ couple on their holiday next to us sharing a pizza. It looked so yummy we had to go on a "On-the-Go" pizza hunt the next day. SO worth it! =)

GC Day 2

i don't remember what we did.
we had breakfast, rested, went for a stroll and back to the hotel.
dinner at McDs and to SP's bargain stalls.
spent almost an hour at this metal trick stall.

follow up and finalize at 3pm
discussed few things
called, appointments, arrangements
all set

GC Day 1

Arrived at 8.30am and checked in the hotel. Headed for pancakes across the road and took a stroll. Went back to the hotel, took a longggg nap then out to the nearest chemist for a hairbrush and essentials. Also, then to find food for dinner.

the day we found out accidentally approx. 5pm
then went for a walk, shared a chicken kebab overlooking the beach
talked abt it and came to a decision

today

ok.. i squeeze-in as much time i have to blog.. usually after running around multiple times a day and drop dead on the couch before nightfalls.. they should extend office hours to 10pm (hah.. i'm sure this statement evokes anger to many ppl hehee).. ok all docs for akad has finally settled.. next to worry is abt phg's approval.. mowkie's been jabbed and groomed.. she scowled at the other huge cat in the room til he pee-ed on the floor.. sighh.. ikut perangai siapa lah budak mowkie ni.. it's not that the big cat disturbed her or is in her way.. she had purposely went to him and scowled away.. poor big cat.. fit the harness on her and took her home 2 hours later.. then went to see the imam b'sar.. then to JAWI twice.. bought food.. elyn arrives..

now waiting for dear fiance to come over after his meeting at his office and off we'll go to get more things for the hantarans.. then tmrw to finalize things w the photographers.. thennnn off to phg..

sigh

oh met suk at ... during lunch! geez.. been so long!
ok yesterday ... said to papa, '.. nk dpt menantu lelaki sorang tak jemput' (sounds familiar?).. yea.. so i met his ppl and sent him a good card.. not that we don't want his presence, but he's not 'ordinary'.. there's so much things to change and consider if he shows up.. a big big chance he might be there when his PA said his schedule's clear on that day.. now everything's turned around.. i'd like to elaborate more if this is my diary.. anyway, always keep in mind our nawaitu.. nak bagi org makan.. nothing more than that.. when the nawaitu is right.. we hope for the best to happen..

insyallah

Reaching for you

10 days..
attires are being picked up together with 'bertandang's.. Daddy and Mommy emailed their flight itinery (YES! they're coming!! can you believe it??).. had such lovely evening yesterday with 2 dear friends in bangi.. gosh.. we've grown! there's 48 more bunga telurs to be done.. picked up our rings.. went for a final trial and final meeting with my makeup girl and picked up attires from my designer.. visited the dentist.. done my HIV test yesterday.. boo will be getting his letter tmrw morning.. hoping to see him tmrw or the day after.. got all my docs ready for papa n me.. updated the photographer.. sent most things back to phg.. met dodo's mom, had a gooooood long chat with do.. hung out with faiz.. babes.. our conversations.. that's what i missed most!

how do i feel..?
okay now the pressure's on.. less than 2 weeks left.. tyt just confirmed his attendance.. and it certainly doesn't help.. hhmmm.. lemme see.. so far, that's it.. oh and i've to make arrangements for my flower girls and boys.. hmm.. and everything else.. is out of my hands.. i just hope it all falls into place.. that much, i can do..

y'know.. with the guests papa's expecting, i don't even know quarter of them.. so, some familiar faces on the big day would really help.. if you ask me right now, i'm emotionally and mentally tormented..
but i put on a brave face everyday..
seek courage from every little piece of advice i hear..
seek ease from every little laughter i hear..
so they say it's not an easy road..
indeed..

but i won't deny this..
i am excited =)

-3 weeks-

So how am I feeling?
Of course excited..
and sad..
and nerve-wrecking..
and emotional..
and worried..
yet happy..
yea.. that's how it feels right now

what's been happening so far?
since I returned, we went Jakarta, and twice back to the 'home'..
last Thurs 'they' gathered almost 30 females frm ... to hold a second meeting for the big day
and 30 males at another venue to take care of the cooking..
all was organized by one of our closest, dearest family friend..
whom she referred us as one of her 'relatives'..
itinery has been updated..
some cards hv been sent out..
some received the honour of being given personally by hand..
Ma despite in a wheelchair went house by house in our hometown to give out some cards..
she insisted on having 2 'tabaks' instead of 1 (coz arwah tok would insist it if she were still alive)..
some people has also suggested to have 'malam berinai'..
most of them has planned not to sleep for 4 days 4 nights..
during the meeting I looked at papa n he mouthed to me.. "papa sediakan duit je.. everything is planned for by my ppl"..
with a proud but obviously tired face..
he whom jst recovered from CCU never utter a word of disappointment abt the wedding..
this is what he want..
it is all for him..
and nothing mends a broken heart like when i see him happy n healthy..
of course there are many things i'd prefer to have or not have..
i dreamt weddings as a little girl just the same..
so you think i'm lucky?
yes. i am. being loved this much.
but no. i don't think you'd want to be in my shoes.
it doesn't fit.
it takes years of understanding, courage and broken hearts..
i wish your life had been and still is easier than this..
last weekend (3rd n 4th) i dragged the excited-than-me abg to the marriage course..
a course every bride n groom to be has to attend to get married..
met Hilmi..
whom i don't think i've met since we were 15..
he came with his fiance..
today we bought the ring..
"the ring"..
Zalia agreed to decorate our hantarans..
there are approx 100 bunga telur need to be done..
tmrw to KLCC to get some things..
the bed-set arrived last Friday..

suprisingly, i must say,
i don't feel too busy and stressed as i anticipated..

a good sign?
i duno..

but i do feel our family are being watched at every single step we make closer to the big day..

so how?

My Stage

i talk in whispers
i look past people
i brace myself
i sit up straight
i put on a brave face
i stand up quicker
i sit down slower
i look at the time more often
i count the days carefully
i carry my heart around high on my chest
i don't stop to count my heartbeat anymore

i just do it

haven't u heard life is like a stage
so this is the role i play today

Distant Eyes

Her eyes looking at me
They are still the same
The way they dance when she talks
Oh the way she talks
Her smile
Her gestures
Her words are of wisdom
Her thoughts goes way beyond her years
Just how I remembered her before
That's just how she is

After 12 years..
She's still the same

Thanks for your time
It was lovely to meet you again
Ms. Bumblebee =)

more than advises..

i need support n words of encouragements..

Daylight Savings

Yesterday actually. We roamed around our neighbourhood wondering why these people open their shops late only to realize we've got our watches ahead of time hehe

That's what we had on our 14th-month.


See how lazy she is. It was a Sunday. Sunday is lazy day.








That's the first mud crab I caught. I wonder where the picture of the actual crab is..








And so these were what I made yesterday on a lazy Sunday. Chicken and tarragon pie which I altered the recipe much to my liking. It calls for leeks but we went to Coles everyday since Thursday and twice on Saturday! It was a spur of the moment decision to make this pie and I didn't feel like going to the supermarket so think as I might what to substitute, found a huge spring onion lying around in the fridge, some leftover parsley from the hse-warming bbq, mushrooms and corn! The recipe calls for BBQ chicken but I charred some fillets instead. And the result of cutting the pie while it was warm, led to eating a very creamy pie. Boo was so hungry! Well because I altered the recipe as such, I should have upped the tarragon. But I'm happy the filling was creamy and delicious!

Before making the pie, I've marinated some chicken fillets to smoke them. Yep, tea-smoked chicken. And that's how it turned out to be! It really tasted good and different. Worth all the preparing and work. It was supposed to be eaten with some dipping sauce but I couldn't be bothered to boil some so we just had them like so. It was so yummy even without! Great with salads or warm rice.

Today's menu:
Screwpine leaves chicken (Ayam goreng pandan-lah) and Lemon Olive oil cake/cuppies!

But for now, off to work!

Choices.. choices..

Sharm's got her visa approved today. What's happening with mine??
I hope Adik could come soon. But I think he will. If not, it's not going to be too soon before I leave. And I'd feel bummed leaving him behind by myself (am so not good with good-byes!!). If so, I can't wait! But lesser valuable time with my boo than expected. Sigh..

Anyone has remedies for irrational thoughts and feelings?
Been getting a few these days. I blame it on PMS.

Weekly Countdown

Oh dear..
I've been counting the weeks before the big day.
Week 14th.. not so many more weeks to go.

Checklist
- waiting on the arrivals of cards
- fittings!
- house should be 80% ready by now
- papa's 3rd major meeting with one of his teams
- mama's team meeting, put to work
- browse gifts and ring
- shoot off to jkt soon
- book and purchase tix
- call dimia

ok i think if i list down everything that needs to be done here, it'll take ages. i need an assistant. hmm..

To compensate what I've been consuming (mostly meat meat and more meat) these past few days, it's all veges today. Seafood, fine. Thinking of what to pack.. it'll be winter once we reach back here so we'll be needing at least a jacket/coat or two.

Now on what's bugging me. The notion of getting married. I've been doing some readings to further mentally prepare myself. And sharing notes with him once in a while. Of course, I am excited for the event. I can't wait to start the event. I hope everything goes well and I'm waiting for it all to fall into place. I don't demand anything else but the health and the heart of us both on our big day. And nothing else.

But when it comes to getting married, myself. It's a different story. I'll be building an empire of my own - with him. No longer depending and covering under Papa's wings (though I've a feeling those wings are spreading bigger each day). I shall be changing my main status. From a daughter to a wife. My responsibilities, my purpose, my priorities shifts and change. With all my heart I hope this to be the start to a new beginning filled with challenges and dreams. Hence, I try everyday to answer those silent questions. Am I able to be a wife. A good wife to him. Will I be able to draw my responsibilities and hold a family. Am I sufficient. Am I ready to take this step. Can I be strong to hold us when we fall. How do I manage when things fall apart for us. Nauzubillah. Can I make-up for the two of us. What happens when a baby comes along. Am I sufficient enough for him - and for us. What will come in the way for us while we build our marriage. Will I be able to handle it. When will I break. Will I ever break. What happens when I do. What about our expectations. Will it be met. Or shall we not have any. Where do I draw the line. Can I carry on. How do I set my priorities. What do I need to think about. Will I be able to handle it. Where is my strength. Will I lose myself. Who, where, what am I.

So yeah, to me, it's nothing at all about just getting married. I don't think you'll realize it until you are about to get married. It's stepping into a whole new world to me. If you get or got into marriage thinking it's just getting married, think again. But congratulations if you've survived it. I'm sure you've put lots of thoughts into it and prepared yourself differently once you've got married. To note today, I still do not have a concrete answer to these questions. There is no more me now, but there is us. I no longer look for advice, but support. I find some advises I receive are toxic. But I thank you for those advises. So I wouldn't overlook the worst. Now I learn to choose-with regards to advises-what to keep to heart and what to not. But I try hard not to forget, either. I will take one step a day. I shall remind myself who I am everyday. I will take time to find myself. I will try hard not to lose me.
I trust him.
I trust God.
I trust me.
And I shall learn to instill that trust throughout our journey.

Insyallah