Home.. so-sweet home

By the time we reach home yesterday it got worse. He had to go Coles by himself to get food for lunch yesterday. It just went from bad to worse til today. He skipped work and cooked, cleaned, unpacked, watched over me, making sure I don't lift anything over 500gms =D

The house was so clean and smelled so good when we opened the front door. Am so proud of him for doing such a great job at it. Soon this house will be filled with decos of mine hehe.. all mine!

It's so cold here. Winter is here.
My darling hubby being such a homely-type boy misses home cooked meals and surely is sick from eating-out for nearly a week! Since I wasn't feeling too good, he made nasi goreng with chicken. I on the other hand was craving for mashed potatoes! Weird eh?

GC Day 7

Back to Adelaide!
Flight at 11.15am.
We scheduled a cab at 8.30am and left!
Fish and chips at the airport (best ever!) and board the flight.

Feeling better =)
Can't wait to get home!

GC Day 6

We ordered in. room service *yay*
By night fall I was feeling a little better.
We wanted to go for Japanese but it's closed so we went for Thai.

It's at 7.15am so we left at 7.
Reached by 7.20am.
Smack 10 he said.
Went back by 10am.
And it started straight away.
Ouch.

GC Day 5

By today am getting more scared than ever. We spent the whole day out. He bought ice cream and we searched for a shop selling jumpers and long-sleeved tops. He got sick of the breakfast at the hotel so we went out for noodles. Only one food shop was open that morning.

Hunger strikes a little less aggressive today.

GC Day 4

We've came to the conclusion long before this trip not to go on any parks. It'll be just a relaxing day of "doing nothing" together. After the hassles and bustles we went through for the past couple months, we're in desperate condition to wind down and sit back. Just us.

It's the Queen's bday tomorrow.
And am getting hungry every second =p

GC Day 3

Not too well. Tired. Dinner at the Korean BBQ restaurant. Have not felt so stuffed before!!
Went for a long walk to clear our heads (and burn out the fat!). They're showing fireworks tonight.
With Bugs Bunny and Sylvester and the whole Warner Bros crew.

Our savior of the night.

There were an NZ couple on their holiday next to us sharing a pizza. It looked so yummy we had to go on a "On-the-Go" pizza hunt the next day. SO worth it! =)

GC Day 2

i don't remember what we did.
we had breakfast, rested, went for a stroll and back to the hotel.
dinner at McDs and to SP's bargain stalls.
spent almost an hour at this metal trick stall.

follow up and finalize at 3pm
discussed few things
called, appointments, arrangements
all set

GC Day 1

Arrived at 8.30am and checked in the hotel. Headed for pancakes across the road and took a stroll. Went back to the hotel, took a longggg nap then out to the nearest chemist for a hairbrush and essentials. Also, then to find food for dinner.

the day we found out accidentally approx. 5pm
then went for a walk, shared a chicken kebab overlooking the beach
talked abt it and came to a decision

today

ok.. i squeeze-in as much time i have to blog.. usually after running around multiple times a day and drop dead on the couch before nightfalls.. they should extend office hours to 10pm (hah.. i'm sure this statement evokes anger to many ppl hehee).. ok all docs for akad has finally settled.. next to worry is abt phg's approval.. mowkie's been jabbed and groomed.. she scowled at the other huge cat in the room til he pee-ed on the floor.. sighh.. ikut perangai siapa lah budak mowkie ni.. it's not that the big cat disturbed her or is in her way.. she had purposely went to him and scowled away.. poor big cat.. fit the harness on her and took her home 2 hours later.. then went to see the imam b'sar.. then to JAWI twice.. bought food.. elyn arrives..

now waiting for dear fiance to come over after his meeting at his office and off we'll go to get more things for the hantarans.. then tmrw to finalize things w the photographers.. thennnn off to phg..

sigh

oh met suk at ... during lunch! geez.. been so long!
ok yesterday ... said to papa, '.. nk dpt menantu lelaki sorang tak jemput' (sounds familiar?).. yea.. so i met his ppl and sent him a good card.. not that we don't want his presence, but he's not 'ordinary'.. there's so much things to change and consider if he shows up.. a big big chance he might be there when his PA said his schedule's clear on that day.. now everything's turned around.. i'd like to elaborate more if this is my diary.. anyway, always keep in mind our nawaitu.. nak bagi org makan.. nothing more than that.. when the nawaitu is right.. we hope for the best to happen..

insyallah

Reaching for you

10 days..
attires are being picked up together with 'bertandang's.. Daddy and Mommy emailed their flight itinery (YES! they're coming!! can you believe it??).. had such lovely evening yesterday with 2 dear friends in bangi.. gosh.. we've grown! there's 48 more bunga telurs to be done.. picked up our rings.. went for a final trial and final meeting with my makeup girl and picked up attires from my designer.. visited the dentist.. done my HIV test yesterday.. boo will be getting his letter tmrw morning.. hoping to see him tmrw or the day after.. got all my docs ready for papa n me.. updated the photographer.. sent most things back to phg.. met dodo's mom, had a gooooood long chat with do.. hung out with faiz.. babes.. our conversations.. that's what i missed most!

how do i feel..?
okay now the pressure's on.. less than 2 weeks left.. tyt just confirmed his attendance.. and it certainly doesn't help.. hhmmm.. lemme see.. so far, that's it.. oh and i've to make arrangements for my flower girls and boys.. hmm.. and everything else.. is out of my hands.. i just hope it all falls into place.. that much, i can do..

y'know.. with the guests papa's expecting, i don't even know quarter of them.. so, some familiar faces on the big day would really help.. if you ask me right now, i'm emotionally and mentally tormented..
but i put on a brave face everyday..
seek courage from every little piece of advice i hear..
seek ease from every little laughter i hear..
so they say it's not an easy road..
indeed..

but i won't deny this..
i am excited =)

-3 weeks-

So how am I feeling?
Of course excited..
and sad..
and nerve-wrecking..
and emotional..
and worried..
yet happy..
yea.. that's how it feels right now

what's been happening so far?
since I returned, we went Jakarta, and twice back to the 'home'..
last Thurs 'they' gathered almost 30 females frm ... to hold a second meeting for the big day
and 30 males at another venue to take care of the cooking..
all was organized by one of our closest, dearest family friend..
whom she referred us as one of her 'relatives'..
itinery has been updated..
some cards hv been sent out..
some received the honour of being given personally by hand..
Ma despite in a wheelchair went house by house in our hometown to give out some cards..
she insisted on having 2 'tabaks' instead of 1 (coz arwah tok would insist it if she were still alive)..
some people has also suggested to have 'malam berinai'..
most of them has planned not to sleep for 4 days 4 nights..
during the meeting I looked at papa n he mouthed to me.. "papa sediakan duit je.. everything is planned for by my ppl"..
with a proud but obviously tired face..
he whom jst recovered from CCU never utter a word of disappointment abt the wedding..
this is what he want..
it is all for him..
and nothing mends a broken heart like when i see him happy n healthy..
of course there are many things i'd prefer to have or not have..
i dreamt weddings as a little girl just the same..
so you think i'm lucky?
yes. i am. being loved this much.
but no. i don't think you'd want to be in my shoes.
it doesn't fit.
it takes years of understanding, courage and broken hearts..
i wish your life had been and still is easier than this..
last weekend (3rd n 4th) i dragged the excited-than-me abg to the marriage course..
a course every bride n groom to be has to attend to get married..
met Hilmi..
whom i don't think i've met since we were 15..
he came with his fiance..
today we bought the ring..
"the ring"..
Zalia agreed to decorate our hantarans..
there are approx 100 bunga telur need to be done..
tmrw to KLCC to get some things..
the bed-set arrived last Friday..

suprisingly, i must say,
i don't feel too busy and stressed as i anticipated..

a good sign?
i duno..

but i do feel our family are being watched at every single step we make closer to the big day..

so how?

My Stage

i talk in whispers
i look past people
i brace myself
i sit up straight
i put on a brave face
i stand up quicker
i sit down slower
i look at the time more often
i count the days carefully
i carry my heart around high on my chest
i don't stop to count my heartbeat anymore

i just do it

haven't u heard life is like a stage
so this is the role i play today

Distant Eyes

Her eyes looking at me
They are still the same
The way they dance when she talks
Oh the way she talks
Her smile
Her gestures
Her words are of wisdom
Her thoughts goes way beyond her years
Just how I remembered her before
That's just how she is

After 12 years..
She's still the same

Thanks for your time
It was lovely to meet you again
Ms. Bumblebee =)

more than advises..

i need support n words of encouragements..

Daylight Savings

Yesterday actually. We roamed around our neighbourhood wondering why these people open their shops late only to realize we've got our watches ahead of time hehe

That's what we had on our 14th-month.


See how lazy she is. It was a Sunday. Sunday is lazy day.








That's the first mud crab I caught. I wonder where the picture of the actual crab is..








And so these were what I made yesterday on a lazy Sunday. Chicken and tarragon pie which I altered the recipe much to my liking. It calls for leeks but we went to Coles everyday since Thursday and twice on Saturday! It was a spur of the moment decision to make this pie and I didn't feel like going to the supermarket so think as I might what to substitute, found a huge spring onion lying around in the fridge, some leftover parsley from the hse-warming bbq, mushrooms and corn! The recipe calls for BBQ chicken but I charred some fillets instead. And the result of cutting the pie while it was warm, led to eating a very creamy pie. Boo was so hungry! Well because I altered the recipe as such, I should have upped the tarragon. But I'm happy the filling was creamy and delicious!

Before making the pie, I've marinated some chicken fillets to smoke them. Yep, tea-smoked chicken. And that's how it turned out to be! It really tasted good and different. Worth all the preparing and work. It was supposed to be eaten with some dipping sauce but I couldn't be bothered to boil some so we just had them like so. It was so yummy even without! Great with salads or warm rice.

Today's menu:
Screwpine leaves chicken (Ayam goreng pandan-lah) and Lemon Olive oil cake/cuppies!

But for now, off to work!

Choices.. choices..

Sharm's got her visa approved today. What's happening with mine??
I hope Adik could come soon. But I think he will. If not, it's not going to be too soon before I leave. And I'd feel bummed leaving him behind by myself (am so not good with good-byes!!). If so, I can't wait! But lesser valuable time with my boo than expected. Sigh..

Anyone has remedies for irrational thoughts and feelings?
Been getting a few these days. I blame it on PMS.

Weekly Countdown

Oh dear..
I've been counting the weeks before the big day.
Week 14th.. not so many more weeks to go.

Checklist
- waiting on the arrivals of cards
- fittings!
- house should be 80% ready by now
- papa's 3rd major meeting with one of his teams
- mama's team meeting, put to work
- browse gifts and ring
- shoot off to jkt soon
- book and purchase tix
- call dimia

ok i think if i list down everything that needs to be done here, it'll take ages. i need an assistant. hmm..

To compensate what I've been consuming (mostly meat meat and more meat) these past few days, it's all veges today. Seafood, fine. Thinking of what to pack.. it'll be winter once we reach back here so we'll be needing at least a jacket/coat or two.

Now on what's bugging me. The notion of getting married. I've been doing some readings to further mentally prepare myself. And sharing notes with him once in a while. Of course, I am excited for the event. I can't wait to start the event. I hope everything goes well and I'm waiting for it all to fall into place. I don't demand anything else but the health and the heart of us both on our big day. And nothing else.

But when it comes to getting married, myself. It's a different story. I'll be building an empire of my own - with him. No longer depending and covering under Papa's wings (though I've a feeling those wings are spreading bigger each day). I shall be changing my main status. From a daughter to a wife. My responsibilities, my purpose, my priorities shifts and change. With all my heart I hope this to be the start to a new beginning filled with challenges and dreams. Hence, I try everyday to answer those silent questions. Am I able to be a wife. A good wife to him. Will I be able to draw my responsibilities and hold a family. Am I sufficient. Am I ready to take this step. Can I be strong to hold us when we fall. How do I manage when things fall apart for us. Nauzubillah. Can I make-up for the two of us. What happens when a baby comes along. Am I sufficient enough for him - and for us. What will come in the way for us while we build our marriage. Will I be able to handle it. When will I break. Will I ever break. What happens when I do. What about our expectations. Will it be met. Or shall we not have any. Where do I draw the line. Can I carry on. How do I set my priorities. What do I need to think about. Will I be able to handle it. Where is my strength. Will I lose myself. Who, where, what am I.

So yeah, to me, it's nothing at all about just getting married. I don't think you'll realize it until you are about to get married. It's stepping into a whole new world to me. If you get or got into marriage thinking it's just getting married, think again. But congratulations if you've survived it. I'm sure you've put lots of thoughts into it and prepared yourself differently once you've got married. To note today, I still do not have a concrete answer to these questions. There is no more me now, but there is us. I no longer look for advice, but support. I find some advises I receive are toxic. But I thank you for those advises. So I wouldn't overlook the worst. Now I learn to choose-with regards to advises-what to keep to heart and what to not. But I try hard not to forget, either. I will take one step a day. I shall remind myself who I am everyday. I will take time to find myself. I will try hard not to lose me.
I trust him.
I trust God.
I trust me.
And I shall learn to instill that trust throughout our journey.

Insyallah

On our 6th-year anniv

Tonight was unplanned for.

Good, eventful and purposeful day at work. Plus brownie points on my performance =D
Dropped off the grant on the way home from work, stuff my ears to ipod and decided to walk to Rundle. Cruised into a kiosk and bought a choc drink. Went in and out few stores before finding a jacket suitable for this Spring season. Met Aida briefly. Settle down in Borders before he came to wipe me off my feet and head back home.

Dropped off our work stuff at home and walked to the one and only restaurant that's open. Grimaldi's. Entertained ourselves with our conversation. Conversation I love. Conversations we used to always talk about. The wait for food was long enough to spark those conversations and managed to continue on til we ordered coffee after they took our plates away. And it still continues..

After 6 years, I'd think those kind of conversations would fade away..
And so I'm wrong.. I am so wrong..

Only Just
So I am brave here to admit at this time, this day..
thank you b for tonight..
for such a simple night..
only just food and talk..
but i love our "talks"..
always have, always will do..
and how grateful i am to be able to realize it..
tonite when i look at you across the table..
in the middle of our talk tonite..
for just a split second..
only just being able to realize..
this is the first reason i love you so..
then i smile and looked away..
pretending hard not to burst with emotions..
and tune myself back..
to our conversation..
only just our conversation.

Happy 6 years Anniversary, b
6 years..!!

BBQ Galore

After a full crazy day and candle-lit night entertaining wonderful friends at home for a house-warming and BBQ, today we end up cleaning and scrubbing away the set and dishes! Mental note, use aluminium foil on the barbie!

Thank you for the beautiful presents, good laughter, great company, kind words, encouragements and support. We shall do this again with pictures and videos the next time!

Sincerity

b..
Hmm..
So what's gonna happen next?
What..?
When we get married.. will we be happy all the time?
No.. not all the time. But most of the time, we will.

"i promise you ME"
cos what you see is what you get