The Update so far..

I left the daycare at 9.15am!!

We reached there sharp 8.30am and met a lovely young lady - Teacher Ivy. She happened to be Nicholas's (the principal) sister. We went into the room where lil Mia will be staying and playing with friends her age group. They already have an older girl named Mia at the centre so they're calling my girl, Baby Mia.
Like we use to.
I'm liking the centre already =)

So Baby Mia was not quite friendly as she used to be. Until she came into the room. We met 11 mo Tristan and his mom who just started a week and a half ago. She played a little with him then went over to hug me. I guess she kinda get the anxiety/nervous vibe I was experiencing. Then again, she just had her dose of Zyrtec and cough medicine so she could be a lil sleepy. Ivy came over and I talked over things with her - how and what time naps are, what she needs during change time, times she eats and milk, where things are, etc.

The teachers then took her out to play at their garden along with other kids. She wouldn't go if I didn't. So she walked around with me holding her hand or just walks around my legs. So I entered the garden and soon as she started playing with other kids, I kissed her head and said my goodbye. Then I slipped off. I think she didn't notice. And now I'm feeling that was not a good idea. Next time, she has to see me before I leave. A quick goodbye.

45 mins later I received a text from Nicholas

"Baby Mia had stop crying for nearly half an hour and playing with friends and
teachers in the garden. She seems getting settle herself already. A well
performance baby. Good day!"

I immediately called him. She cried about 2 mins after I left for about 15 mins. She was looking for me. I knew I should've said my goodbyes properly! Oh well.. never mind. Better luck tomorrow!

Darling hubby and I had been brainstorming on things we should pack for her. So in the end I packed 4 outfits, 6 nappies, 2 milk, 1 bottle, binky and blanket, toys, Mao and Dibo, toilettries, wipes, snacks - half an orange, yoghurt, 3 cherry tomatoes, cheese ciabatta, lunch - chicken porridge, her spoon, diaper-change mat, cough med and extra socks. I was tempted to bring along her pillow and quilt blanket bt Daddy said she hardly even use those anyway *wink*

At 12 I called Nicholas again. Just to make sure everything's allright. They must know I'm nervous and it's my first time sending her to daycare. Also mentioned to foget the cough meds. I think she's quite stressed already - doesn't need extra. Oh yes, my lil one had such nasty, nasty flu over the week. I had 2-days MC from her paed. She had fever, cold, cough, sore throat, the whole works! So she (and I) were in bed almost a week (since last Friday) til she got better today and off to daycare! *phew* That's the reason why we had to delay sending her early this week. And giving meds to an almost healthy toddler is no fun. In that respect, I'd rather deal with meds when she's sick. Damn cough meds and antibiotics!

Can't wait til 5.30pm to pick her up!

Anxiety Attack!!

I'm super-anxious. Been up since sahur. Been packing and thinking over things to bring along. Playing the scene in my mind for days. Thoughts of the good and worse can happen. I never expected to be so anxious and nervous this way. It almost seem ridiculous.

It's lil Mia's first day at daycare today.
She's 16 mths and 5 days.

-blank-

So much had happened.

So deep are my thoughts.

There are highs and lows.

I love the highs and the lows.

Nuff said for today.

First Steps

Dear all

My lil 15 month old is now officially walking. Stand back everyone!

Yes, you read correctly. On Monday (Aug 2nd) at 15 months and 12 days lil Mia and the family went to KLIA to send papa off to Indonesia on a business trip. Both Mommy and Daddy took a day off work because the little princess had diarrhea since the Friday prior. We decided to take lil Mia to the docs. In the afternoon we shot off to KLIA and boy she had fun walking! We managed to have those first few steps on video (which I'll upload as soon as I can find the time to). She had been walking with guidance at the park and few times at home or on outings. She could mange maximum 3 steps by herself from the weekend she turned 15months. It was only on Monday she managed a whole lot more steps!

Mommy and Daddy are very proud of you little one.

xx

Little Dibo

I've not written to my little one for quite a while now.

Dear baby

You are so strong and heavy now (9kgs).

You're getting cheeky and michievious sometimes.

This morning you figured out that if Bibik takes you in the morning, it meant leaving Mommy and Daddy off to work. To you, it's unfair for us to go for 'outings' without you.

Your giggles and laugh are infectious.

Often no matter how grumpy we were from long late nights of work, just that little giggle from you turned our moods and faces to smiles and later, laughs too. Do you know you make a lot of people around you smile and brightens their days? You're a special one. Very special.

You get annoyed and angry sometimes too.

And we get frustrated just as well as you do. It's okay little one. You don't need to know how to close your bottle cap yet. Or eat rice with your chubby little hands. Or put on your pyjamas. Or catch your sister Koda. Or be included in games with other kids in the playground. You don't have to know them yet. Mommy and Daddy's happy doing all those for you, for now. Take your time, little one.

However you turn out to be, Mommy and Daddy loves you to bits.

Never forget that.

xx

Updates and Trip!

It's been a while.

I had my awesome-ness campaign running and it's finally over!!!!!

Omg running the campaign took a huge chunk of me from my hubby n lil baby. All the stress, anxiety, worry, protocols, media, big namely people involvements are seriously not funny. Especially when your name (and the only name) they look at - I'm not even confirmed! How do you put someone whom is not a confirm employee in charge of something big like this!? Are you insane?? What if I screw the whole thing up? And not up to your expectations? Agggghhh!!! *faints*

Okay.. it's over now. Phewwwwwww..

Now back to slightly normal (i've still to conduct talks and workshops lined up, not to mention my schedules are filled with appointments til next week!) life. I've been working on weekends for 5 weeks in a row now. And this weekend will be the last. I cannot afford another. This weekend will be crazy since I've to be at the office by 2am!! Yes, people. AM. Bloody event!

Here are some pictures from our family trip to Langkawi. No, it's not our first trip. Our first was to Canberra. It was short, sweet and nice. We were also there for baby's passport.

Langkawi was to introduce lil baby to the beach. We went to Glenelg beach but she was too small (2 mo) to experience it. Now I have a feeling she'll love beaches. Just like her Daddy. Let's start signing you up for swimming lessons!

I'll be packing up for trip again real soon.

Hope I get to update again!

Kak Fatan's wedding

The newly weds with the Khairul's

June 5th, 2010 was their wedding reception. After 2 years of me 'langkah bendul', finally my darling elder cousin got hitched! When I told her I was getting married 2 years ago, she had actually pinched me several times for not waiting for her. Well honey, enjoy married life now =) We were there the night before for their solemnization ceremony. Straight from work, with work clothes and all. The ceremony was over but to show our support (and food!!), we went anyway.

Congratulations the newly weds and welcome Hairi to the family! =)

p/s: credits to kde for this pic which only arrived today in my inbox =p

Worthwhile

Despite my hectic schedule yesterday, during one of the breaks before my next patient came in there was a knock on my door unexpectedly. "Come in.."

And there she was. Those bright shiny eyes.
Those eyes that should really be filled with loads of laughter, shining heavily with joy.
I will always remember those eyes.

"Hi Ms Miza. I've news for you."

I've not seen her for weeks. In fact, she had peeked into my busy mind early that morning left me wondering where could she be. She's having holidays, I thought smartly. She has an appointment with me scheduled for today in fact so I'll be seeing her. So seeing her yesterday was a delightful surprise.

"I'm going to Egypt in September. Dentistry."

My heart swelled.
My chest felt like bursting.
She held a box and handed it to me.

"This is for you. Thank you for everything."

You see, this bright girl had suffered in silence for years. A victim of domestic sexual abuse. With only one person she'd confided into. A friend whom is in Melbourne now. Mom is out of the question. So all she had was her studies. Which she excels tremendously. And rewarded her with a ticket out to "safety".

"..I remember what you said. About moving out to safety. So I decided to go."

Dear H****, my thoughts are with you always. Thank you for being vulnerable with me. I feel honoured being able to share your life experiences. I am grateful for your open-ness and allowing me inside your doors. For truly, that is also an experience gained and life lesson learnt for me. I hope we keep in touch. And I hope you'll be able to find yourself in Egypt, now that you're no longer living at "home". May Egypt be your new home now and you'd feel more comfortable in "your own skin".

Love always.
xx

I gave her a huge meaningful hug. I rubbed her back. I told her I'll miss her. And I told her I'm very proud of her. I also told her to keep in touch. And she'll post me the book I gave her to write as a diary. When she had felt it was not safe to keep such diary in her home, she can give it to me as safe keep.

I think I'll leave the box on my table for a while. It is wrapped with a red ribbon. With a little card note. A reminder of another success story. And perhaps as a forgiving symbol to those I've lost in my counselling career. This is to make up for the others.

And this is why I love my job.
It makes my life worth living.

Awesome Night

I had an awesome time last night at the Ball. Don't think I had a night like that for ages! It's so good to feel that energy again. Screaming songs with a live band til our throats hurt, dancing like fool and jumping away like there's no tomorrow. It was just awesome. An awesome night, indeed. Great company + good friends = awesome night. Food at the Ball costed 8k. Up to 10 varieties including 2 desserts. Foods wasn't bad (except for those dry scrawny salmons), other than that everything else were just o-kay.

As for my LO, sorry Mommy didn't get to see you before your bedtime. I got home by 11pm and head to McD with Daddy to get something to eat. By the time we reach home, you were sound asleep so Mommy just lay beside you and kissed you good night.

Although it was a formal event, do we look like we care? =)

Once those big VVIP left, we hit the floor and danced away!

Delilah

I have been listening to this song quite a bit. I think it's beautiful, and always have. There's just something in the air these few days. Something melancholic, unspoken yet uplifting, inspiring and beautiful.

Past, Present, Future

There's something about these few days.


I find myself looking back at pictures, blog entries and memories of the past. There a some too scary and hard to revisit, but I did anyway. And many that are nice and sweet. I love every bit of them. Those bittersweet memories.


Something very exciting came into my Inbox this morning. With my heart pounding so strongly in me, I explored every aspect of it. And I started dreaming again. Those dreams that were once "put-on-hold" is slowly coming back to life again. I could feel the fire. But not able to reach it yet. There is only one thing that is holding back. And I hope to resolve it as much as I can.


With that exciting news, also bolted me back to my old past. I miss my old past. Certainly. It all once looked so.... right. In place. Perfect. Til reality hits in. And I'm back to square one.


On a different note, when I was younger, looking at people working in offices and in their suits, I had always wondered what kind of job I'd be in. Will I be yelled at by my boss, while working in those open spaced, cubicles? Gossiping with my colleagues through those cubicles? And perhaps, somewhere, sometime late in life, be promoted and have a huge office with a great view by the window.


Today. I am in my own office. A big, comfortable leather chair, a desk that could fit a couple of desktops or laptops AND a working space, 2 armchairs and 1 normal chair to accomodate my clients/patients. I've a good boss (hot, too!) and I work within my own means - a one womanshow. I wear a coat everyday to my office. I'm not that far from looking like that successful careerwoman I had once imagined in my dreams when I was younger. I am not rich, but I got to where I want to be. Here I am. Little did I know that extra experience and degree I hold skipped my steps into a an office room of my own and landed me a professional career.


Alhamdulillah. Thank God for what I have.
My own little nuclear family whom I love and loves me the same.
Although little Mia can probably argue she likes her cat a slightly better.


In future I just hope to be in the same position I am in today. Nothing more or less. I don't dream big and one not much of a goal setter. Food on the table every meal, bills paid, kids taken care off, and I'm one lucky lady, mommy and wife =)

My Past, Present and Future

Aug 15th, 2009

Reliving the Past

It has been so long.

3 years to be precise.

It was rough. Tough.

Indeed, hard.

But we somehow made it through though I'm not sure how.

Or if we actually did made it through.

Sometimes, I miss you. I do.

And the times we shared.

I wish you well. I hope you're great.

But if it's too difficult to forget,

I'll slide back down under the covers and simply wait.
Missing You

Chilli and Little Mia

Yes, little Mia has finally experienced the small slice of chilli at Paparich's last Thursday night. We all (Papa, Mama and the Khairul's) sat down fo ran early dinner before we head home. Out in the corner of my eye, both Papa and I saw her picking on something on the table but none took a serious look. Not until she suddenly cried out loud! I eased her mouth open and saw that little slice of chilli (must've fallen off papa's fingers when he accidently knocked on my chilli+soy sauce mix for my kuey teow soup). None of us noticed the chilli except of course, the little Mia.

So while Daddy picked her up, I gave her some cold water and a couple spoonfuls ice cream. Of course she loves ice cream! And quickly settled down as the heat wore off.

Sigh.

Mommy's little mug shot.

Long Holiday

So our trip to Pahang went well. Little Mia slept most of the journey. The wedding was nice. We sat at the VVIP table. Little Mia left her vomit on their table cloth. It's the second time she threw up like that. The first time, in her sleep after her first vaccination. This time, it is due to that piece of fried chicken she tried to swallow and ended up throwing them all up on the table cloth and some on mommy. Oh well..

Unfortunately the following weekend my MIL was admitted for pneumonia. She's back home now resting and came back with an oxygen tank for life support. Her lungs are swollen and she's tired most times. We drove and on our way back to KL, we stopped by Cameron Highlands. Little Mia is not used to travelling too long. And this trip was definitely quite long for her. I took 3 days EL.

The following weekend was our family holiday trip. We stayed right in front of the beach. It was awesome! We even took little Mia for island hopping. And the rest of the time was spent on the beach. She even fell asleep twice on the beach. It was also her first time tasting sea water :)

So now I'm back at work. And planning on my next trip out.
This time, I'm leaving hubby n baby out =)

Updates

First entry for 2010..

Nice one.
Not that I've been THAT busy.
Suppose I've been putting time to waste too much, too long.
Plus, I've been updating the baby blog quite often.

Let's see.
The year came in and there's no new year's resolution this time. It's still the same, about losing that kilos from preggy-days, eat healthily, walk more, etc etc. Another addition to this year's resolution is to spend as much quality time as I have with my little nuclear family. ZIP. Hello 2010.

February came, I resigned from my old job. Best decision I've ever made in my entire short life. 2 weeks later I stumbled upon another job and within a couple of weeks later, I started working again. I went through 2 job interviews and was accepted both positions. One offering higher salary, nearer to home, more time at work, less benefits and less time with family. The other offers lesser but with more benefits including for my family, less working hours and further than home. I took up the latter. Nothing tops filling my time with my family =)

By early March I reported for duty and the first day of work I returned home feeling a little blue and slightly disappointed. That was the only single day I felt crappy about work. It never happened anymore since then. My little monster has just started crawling since I've been at home after resigning. Since then she had a lot of opportunities to learn how to crawl. Now she's crawling faster and faster each day. She's even climbed up nearly 2 flights of stairs in our home to get upstairs!

Then April came and we counted the days to the 21st! I was feeling blue mixed with excitement that our little bundle of joy will turn the big ONE. Everyone's feeling hyped about it and plans for her birthday party started out. Invitations went out two weeks before the event. We had her party Apr 25th, the following weekend of the 21st. She was bitten by an insect and her whole right leg swell right up during the party. Of course she was clingy throughout the party. Damn insect! But I baked a rubber duckie cake, and made a pinata for her. I also baked a 30th Wedding Anniversary cake (red-velvet) for Mama n Papa.

This month we have applied leave for our relaxing family vacation. It'll be in conjunction with our 2nd year anniversary and of course little Mia's going with us. We've not been on vacation for quite some time now. This weekend we'll be in Pahang for a wedding. A long drive with little Mia along. Awesome!

The News

How am I to juggle work and a wife with a 7 month old baby?
We shall soon find out =)

I start early next month.

Silent Prayer

God the All Mighty..,
if by your willing,
I am able to give heaven to my child,
if that is the power you promised to all mothers,
and as you turned me into a mother,
then with all my heart,
as now she is born,
that when her time comes,
to be rejoined with you,
I forgive all her future sins - as I hope you do too - ,
and that heaven is the exact place where I want her to be.
Amen.

Storm

This is going to be "interesting".

I've so much in my mind. So much that I feel if I don't vent out to someone soon, I'm sure it'll consume me and eat me alive. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do and what not to do. The arrival of baby should be something I look forward to. And I do. God, I cannot wait to hold her. It's the other part of the story that's killing me.

I don't want to believe he'll leave me for not doing what she wants me to. I refuse to. She always uses that to defend and make me do what she wants me to do. Manipulative, yes. Sad. I always get the blues when these things happen. I feel un-supported. Yet, I don't want to offend.

Remind me this when it's your time, baby.

Life Fulfillments

I'm curious to know how the pain of giving birth feels like.

Every woman describes and experiences it differently. I hope mine would run smooth. I know it may sound strange. But today while having lunch, a very wrinkled and old lady (maybe in her 80's) with her old seat-type-crutch sat next table to us alone. For reasons I may not be able to explain, I thought to myself, if I didn't get to feel the joy of being married.. and the pain delivering my own children at least once, I've not experienced and lived a fulfilling life. A very sad old hag I'd be when I'm as old as that woman next to us. After all, they say your happiest day is your wedding day and childbirth is the most excruciating pain. For now, alhamdulillah, I'm about to satisfy both my life-fulfillment needs. So yeah I am curious to find out what all this childbirth pain people all over the world are jibber-jabbering about. And now labour pains.. bring it on before I call in the drugs! =)

Transition

Are you kidding me?

I am afraid.
Well maybe not afraid afraid..
Perhaps more of overwhelmed..

Playing the 'what if' game in my mind.
What if I cannot handle it.
What if I'm a bad mother.
What if I drop her.
What if everything's my fault?

It'll never end.

So I'll take it a step at a time.
I wish we'll have a good relationship.
Well.. don't everyone..?
I wish we'll have a healthy relationship.

I promise to do my best with what I have available at the moment in time.
That's all I can hope for.