I haven't written to you for a while. But these words came from a song. A song I often go back to every once in a while. Because this song relates me to you. They are words meant for you. I am no good with words. I have immense feelings with little words that can describe. So I send these words to you hoping you can somehow understand.
All of these lines across my face
Tells you the story of who I amSo many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...
You see, baby.. you are the reason. I had understood how this meant when I heard it from other people saying them to another person they care and love so much about. But now I not only understood it, I felt it too. You are the reason.
I had a pretty tough life. I almost did not have a childhood. A true childhood was hidden behind a mass of deception and pretense. But my life goes on. And through it I did "climb the mountain tops", "swam the ocean blue" and "crossed the lines". Even "broke all rules". But no I didn't do it all for you. I didn't know I'd survive long enough to have you. Only as I grew older, I realized that I have to survive this life to have you.
I made a promise to myself that you will not have to go through the hardships of life as I went through. Those hardships define who I am today. Made me stronger, wiser and more articulate than ever. I had lost the one person I love the most. That is myself. Slowly I picked myself up again and had to learn to love my self again. Because that is the biggest gift in this whole universe. Most delicate and most treasured. Until you learn to love yourself, then you will be able to see things clearly and how the universe works. Everything else will just fall into places, and makes sense again.
I may plan for your life to be easy, filled with joy and laughter. But it may not build character and you may resent me for that. So I pray you will get over any hardships you encounter. Because you are strong, just like me. And because you love yourself. Just like I love you.
Love, Mommy.
x
