This time, this space

Then we took off
I stare into the open space
The darkness, the emptiness
And I start thinking

I think about their relationship in the past
I think about their future
And what they have now

I wonder how my presence mean to her
And her eyes speaks
Then I stopped wondering
And I think

I visualize her again
Shining and glowing
She looked happy
So happy
And I think
I think

I think about things we've spoken about
Our late night talks
Before our minds shut down
And the ones unspoken of
I stared into the darkness
And I think

It's dark
And it's late
I'm still thinking
Til my head hurts

So what lies ahead
is unknown of
And my last words to her
Be strong

Awal Muharram 1429

So we heard the news today.

A new Muharram. A new beginning.

Last year on this new Muharram day, we got engaged.

Lasting and happily engaged.

Today, on this year's Muharram day, another good news broke in.

And hopefully it will be as lasting and as good,

as the last.

=)

Ya Allah, di awal tahun hijrah yang barkah ini, muliakan dan sayangi saudaraku ini. Bahagiakan keluarganya, sihatkan tubuh badannya, berkati rezekinya, kuatkan imannya. Beri kenikmatan ibadah padanya, jauhkannya dari fitnah. Suburkan benih keislaman pada keturunannya dan masukkan dia dalam syurgamu tanpa hisab. Amin.

- taken from Abg Zul's sms at midnight last night.

Resolution

Is it too late to think about my resolution 2008?
Hope not.

So here goes:
2008
- get married *cross fingers*
- eat healthily (veges and milk everyday) + drink more
- visit the gynaecologist
- make money + save money
- try on more new recipes
- move house
- try reduce the size of wardrobe (hence, no more shopping clothes, bags, shoes unless I need to)
- take personal health more seriously (hair, skin and face)
- love more, think less
- get to at least one place I've never been to before

Yesterday we were at the movies and I finally found the shop with my facial products. So now, no more having to stock up in KL. Even their facial treatments are here! Yay!

Today

It's been a rather busy day today. I scrubbed the bathroom in the morning, then dear Mamat called informing he's back and updating his sister's new life, also their new life as a family. So good to hear them again. Went for 2 appointments and made kebabs for dinner. These kebabs will have to stay once a week in our summer menu.

Just coz I absolutely love it!! =)

Sorry b, I'm lucky you're not so much of a fussy eater. Coz I definitely can be sometimes. I've still not found the perfect bought cheesecake. They say Michell Pattisserie has the best mango cheesecake. Does no justice to me. Still bit too much cream than cheese. Maybe I should not be such a lazy bum and make one, instead. If Mama hears me complaining like this, that's exactly the phrase she'd use right now. And I use the same ones against myself, eh. Truth is, if I make one now, I'll tend to finish it up very fast and at this point of the month before the big big day, is completely a no, no, no. As someone wise and famous say, the best cheesecake should satiate you after a piece but crave more 10 minutes later. (if only i remember who said this, i'd quote him properly)

Aunty Bedah gave us huge amount of lamb chops yesterday from qurban the other day. Now I'm truly occupied with new recipes.

Tomorrow's another big day.
*wink*

Ultra Degreaser

Due to the mess I geniusly made in the kitchen after frying off those chickens for dinner, I've decided to clean the oily stove and mop the sticky floor. The last time I mopped, I've placed the multi-purpose kitchen cleaner bottle right next to our laundry goodies so this time, when I reached for the kitchen cleaner bottle - which is next to and very similar to our Preen Ultra De-greaser Clothes spray bottle - I had successfully made our kitchen stove and floor extra shiny with the clothes spray. Good grief.

I smiled at the little girl in the truck.
And she smiled generously back.
I smiled at the busker guy singing and playing his guitar.
And he smiled generously back.
Realizing how long those smiles stayed on my face today.

When words don't work.
A gesture muscles won't hurt.
The world needs smiling strangers =)

Love In My Tummy

It's so hot tonight.

I'm actually a little excited with the groceries we bought today. Am thinking of pistachio souffle, own marinated lamb kebabs, lemon-garlic dory on spinach, and some other summer salads recipes I've found lying around in my room. Unfortunately after we got back, he's full from subway sandwiches we had at the market. I actually dreamt eating subway in my short afternoon doze this afternoon. It was too hot not to.

So here I am, feeling unmotivated to move an inch. Hot and bothered. With Erik to accompany me. Good thing we've loads to catch up with.

Bear with me.
While my mind can't stop visualizing what and how I'd make these new recipes I've got hold of. I guess it's this feeling that I love. Almost like a surgeon playing back in their minds the procedures they'll go through performing surgery (okay, too much Grey's Anatomy here). I see it as a performance. Perhaps that's why I love long and complicated recipes. It's not much about inventing and stumbling across new ways and ideas - like most chefs out there. I also love the quiet time pottering around the kitchen when everyone's busy with their daily activities. There's something there not quite I could comprehend yet. Not to mention the love and attention to every detail when making them. I love baking bread. That's my escape. From the rest of the world while they spin around and turn over. Just me in the kitchen with a buzzing pre-heating oven. So when the process is over, and it turned out to be crappy, I'd be lying if I say I won't be frustrated. Of course I would. Nevertheless, don't mind at all making them again, and again and again. Absolutely engrossed in the process, finding out what went wrong.

At the moment, yes this is what I enjoy doing. So Mama said she was just like me when she was my age. Except she already has me toddling around making a mess. As for me, maybe someday I'll get over this. One day I'll know how to make many recipes that it's no longer a curiosity to me. Or I'll get distracted by something else along the way and forgot completely this deep interest of mine.

Right now, I'm on my toes waiting for the next time he'll be hungry and asking for food =)

Happy bday, Abg

Yesterday as usual he stayed home while I was having bout of cramps. Last day. Yoplait Elivae does help a bit. Been eating them every morning for bloating prior to today. Lufee got back few days ago and she lost a luggage. Poor thing.

As I was lying around watching Jamie Oliver on Ten, I realized he has a number of hens for their eggs at his home. Just what I want to have! But of course not in the near future. And he talked about lambs just how Papa said it to be long ago. So it's true. No, not that I doubt Papa for one bit! It's just interesting to see other people with the same view. Especially when everyone else's crazy about spring lamb.

I have been thinking about roasting and stuffing turkey since last Christmas. Well, actually since Christmas the year before, when there were only Meen and I around the house. To get a small turkey is almost impossible at the time and also last year. So maybe I could start looking for one now. Or get people over to share. Hhmm.. definitely not in the near future either!

Happy 20th birthday, Abg!
Yes, 20 years old. And one day. His bday was yesterday. I wonder if he feels that way. Then again, maybe not. Nope, definitely not. And I love you the same. Well, maybe not as much I did when you were 3 all cute and cuddly. But still. No, I didn't like you when you were born. You were supposed to be a girl. And I was comfortable being the only child. Apple of everyone's eyes. Spoilt and all. And yes, it took me time to adjust. And yes, I hate you the most when you were in high school. Acting out and think you're tough. Despite all that, I can see that soft hearted young man. And I can still see it. So now I don't care what you do or think, you're still that little brother of mine with a huge heart and I know we'll take care of each other no matter how crazy our worlds turn out to be. Happy 20th bday.

and.. we're BACK!

Oh dear.
Where do I start.

We got back and both were down with flu. Well, actually I was then he got it from me. Got mine first day in Brunei. Then the internet was out. Dear Rachel got it sorted out. Not having checked emails and blog for close to a month is no joke. I wonder how she survived it when we were gone. It was tolerable when I was away though (my hourly activities were scheduled by dear mama the right moment I stepped down to KL) but I miss blogging dearly. What can I say, it's my world =)

GC was crazy fun. I've pictures of us doing Scooby-doo (being the chicken-shit I am, it was traumatic enough - though Meen agrees with me, it is scary - coming from the deathly roller-coaster queen, maybe I'm not that of a chicken-shit) and I'm almost certain, that was a kiddie coaster ride (and I know Renae would beg to differ - jst cause she went on it, too). Him, being the next roller-coaster king I've ever known of, went on many rides that would only occur to me in my dreams - as nightmares. Since we're on the GC page, not to mention Surfer's Paradise and the beaches. As for now, no beach can compare to those we went in GC - to me, the least. Being a rather no-big-deal about beaches, I can say, GC beaches were alive and strong that day. And I absolutely LOVE it. Oh and not to mention the shopping we did =)

KL was allright. Not as hot as it is here. As mentioned, there were not an hour wasted. I've made lasagne 3 times (and one time in brunei) that now I don't think I can eat any, molten choc pudding (couple times), cinnamon rolls (for dear Ma), Christmas fruit pudding (for dear Mama and Raya Haji) and roast chickens (for Papa and Adik's friends). Oh and brownies before I left for GC again. If not for these requests, I've evidence to show the number of times I stepped in the kitchen. It's amazing I know how to turn on the tap there. The very next day we reach KL, we went to meet Shamsu. Our designer. Where we met Leya's mom and sis there. Only to learn Leya just got married over the weekend! Leya's 2 years my junior where we spent time organizing school sports day and multiple arts and cultural events. So when I heard she got married, I assumed it was with her high-school sweetheart (just like I had imagined her, years back). To dear sweet Leya and Ashraf, may the new light and stage of life shines strong on you both with warmth, love and good-spirit - unconditionally. Then the days following on that continued with multiple arrangements, decision-making, planning and appointments to be filled and addressed to. Also not to forget, deaths. He has one, on his side and mine on Papa's side. I didn't get to see arwah when she was 'nazak'. She was bed-ridden suffered from stroke if not mistaken. For at least the past 5-6 years. I was in college the first time I visited her. And by then she had been bed-ridden, unable to speak for couple of years already. My memories of her when she was healthy were very short but precise. After that long of suffering, if God does not want to make her well again, I pray He take her with Him, and place her in a much better place and condition than she is at that time. So He took her away. I hugged her daughter and met her husband. He remembers me =)

I didn't get to meet Papa til few days after I arrived in KL. Then we flew to JKT. Where water can rise at any time. We stayed in a hotel suite that I wish I'd able to enjoy it, relaxed. With million things in the palm of my hands (quite, literally), I kinda wish we have one more day extra just to relax. But, of course not. We made friends and arrangements with the textile guy and he bought us satay padang. Like Adik said, "Kak, I feel like a millionaire here". Indeed, we were =)

Then to KL again then to Brunei. Where all my physical and emotional level almost drop to zero. I got sick and was not too eager to go around, though it is my first time there. I didn't even feel like checking-out the great Empire Hotel (where my family stayed). Meen and I we stayed at Suc's house. It was good to see her again. She's got a new guy now and I hope and pray this time it turns out well for her. We talked and touched about love and relationships, one of the many I miss about her. Oh, I did get to taste Ns Katok, though. Courtesy of Shahrin. Other than that, I wasn't so much in the mood to discover Brunei. Quite frankly, the moment I saw her, beautiful in her traditional dress - all red and teary eyed first we met (and cried when we left) - I had made my decision. She's the reason I'm here. And she's all the reason. No matter how crazy my mind and physical condition were, I'm not gonna fall down right now. Not while in Brunei.

Therefore when we reach ADL, everything falls down for me. So I lay on bed, sleep. Get re-charged for the following months ahead. If only it's not too hot around here. And guess what? It's cramping-time again. Ouch!

The trip this year-end was filled with new beginnings, crazy laughter, deathly ends. New faces, long-timed friends. Oh and I forgot to mention the friends I met whom are safely married and some with babies. It's a crazy, crazy world out there. So HUGE, filled with many, many stories.

So 2007 has closed.
It's our first new year celebration here.
This morning I woke up and the flu bug is getting better for both of us. Though I'm still with scratchy throat. But that'll go off soon. My ears popped few times and I hope that'll be the last. It hasn't popped yesterday. My nasal-ly voice has also disappeared.

Maybe it is a new beginning.
And it'll be a good one =)