the core of intimacy

If I am I because I am I

And you are you because you are you

Then I am and you are

But if I am I because you are you

And you are you because I am I

Then I am not and you are not

bdays..

It's his bday today. And Adik's.

Irwin's death

I watched Terri Irwin's interview with Ray tonight on channel 9.

During the memorial thing they did for Steve, Bindi wrote a letter/poem about her dad. She waited for the crowd to stop applauding before starting. She's just 8 reading with her pointy finger over each word she had written. I thought to myself, she seems to be very strong and collected personality. She is. Almost just like her father, how we know him. She looks everything like her father.

My thoughts, my prayers, goes to you, Bindi.
Your strength, your wisdom, your passion, your optimism, I share them with you.

Terri spoke and walked us out into the journey of her's and Steve's. And how she saw him through her eyes. His joyous spirit, his tough times, their thoughts, their promises, the kids BobBob and Bindi, his humility, his spontaneity and how she can go on and on talking about him. Describing him through her eyes just as we see him. They both joked about how he would die. He said it would be from a car crash and Terri said he'll fall off a tree. But never by animals. He was never stung by a venomous snake. He was a professional.

Terri ended the interview by saying she has to climb this mountain by herself, and to me, she's climbing the mountain herself with millions of people around the world, holding hands below every step of climb she takes.

Steve Irwin died Sept 4th, 2006.

Suicides, guns, killings, sudden deaths and coping

These are the things and thoughts that fill my mind half of the day today. To be able to come home with these thoughts in my head are not easy. Neither for myself nor my housemates. And I resort to Willy Wonka hot chocolate and hot shower. Now before bed, here are my thoughts.

More than the stories I have to hear during classes and tutorials just now, it was Oprah's stories that came to my mind more profoundly right now.

A mother lost his 16 yr old son in a house fire while he was going downstairs trying to wake his stepbrother.

A crippled 13 yr old boy in an automatic wheelchair with support system all around him since he was 3, touched a young surgeon's life and gave him the strength to wake up each morning to work.

A viewer bought Oprah's shoes in an auction and wore them everytime she needs courage to stand on her own and now she is able to stand in her own shoes.

Where do these people get their strength and will are amazing. How one touch another's life is world peace that we're all talking about. Thank god for Oprah, our networking are moving and enables us to touch and move others in better directions.

World peace may not be possible, but this we can.

On a much more personal note, my father is my idol, is my hero. May God bless him with joy every second of his life because only He knows how much he needs and deserves it.

I have a thing..

I have a thing for passionate people.

The way they speak of the things they are into.
The way they sing it.

The way their eyes becomes glossy and determine with strong emotions.
The way their face changes in every depth they take.

The way their veins becomes visible with every rush of their blood.
The way they cackle with intonations.

I have a thing for passionate people.
They're the ones making changes to the world..
possible.

Animal cruelty

I'm depressed.

Polar bears are dying due to global warming. Their hunting season gets shortened and they die from hunger.

Human beings are the biggest threat to animals.

First day Ramadhan

Menu for breaking fast tonight:
Popia
Fried Mee Hoon
Beef Kurma (from Mai)

Selfish good-deed?

There is no such thing as a self-less good deed. All good deeds are selfish.
-Phoebe, Friends

I believe this.

I do.

The Runaway

When he doesn't feel the love from his parents that he has in his "ideal" world - or like society puts how parents supposed to be - it's easy for him to feel rejection, abandonment, low self-esteem, devalued, unloved/unlovable, unworthy.

Then he becomes vulnerable.

And he starts running.

Once he starts running, it becomes hard to stop.

*forgive me if I still stutter from all the love that clutter in my head*

*I will take a broken heart. If I get all the pieces*

Chocolate caramel anyone..?

Suc and I usually have "small" pep talks before we doze off. Here's a fraction of it.

5 reasons why I hate chocolate caramel
1. It gets stuck in my teeth *yuck*
2. It tickles my throat
3. It is too sweet for my liking
4. I hate the goo-ey bits when I bite into the chocolate and it goes around everywhere (Suc agrees)
5. The world should ban caramel

Nuts and fruits should be eaten solely as it is.
One does not have to feel guilty to eat chocolate.

Chocolates are delicate and shall be treated and eaten as such.
They should melt in our mouth and slide smoothly down our throats, warming our tummies.
They shall not be munched on like eating apples.

That night I dreamt being chased by a green carrot.

2 AM

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites.
You're all here for the very same reason'

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands

And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."

Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.

Breathe, just breathe.

- Anna Nalick

Surprise

Here’s how it goes.

It was the eve of my birthday. Adil wanted me to accompany him to the MASCA meeting which according to him, there’s something important he wants to ask the committee members. I didn’t wanna go since I know NO ONE there and didn’t wanna create something unpleasant especially when I’ve never attended one before. However, Meen agreed to follow us so that’s fine. Plus, there’s free bbq =)

So here we were. Taking pictures of our shoes :p

Then we went to the bazaar which only started this week and will be on every Saturday from now on. We bought Cold Rock and walked around aimlessly. Meen wanted to develop pictures and I followed her to find what and where the cheapest rate to get them done. Then we spent a few hours in the mobile phone shop where she wanted to budget herself to a new phone. Adil left us there and asked us to wait for him in Rundle. Haz wants to meet up with him for a while. The night before, Meen said they’re having problems. So Meen and I went to Borders and check out some books available. We went through some little party creations for a BBQ party I intend to organize next Saturday with Meen to celebrate our birthdays (hers on Sept 7th).

I wanted to treat us all to a bday dinner tonight so we can get together and enjoy before 12am (just like we did last year, it was fun). When I asked, they didn’t seem too keen on the idea. So I just let it go. Maybe I’ll make my famous black forest cheesecake tomorrow and have a small celebration. Then we’ll party next Saturday with BBQ. That was all in my mind.

On our way home, somehow I got this crazy idea of renting a car. Car rentals here only give cheaper rental rates to people 25 years and above. So since I’ve no other plans on my bday and the following week, neither does Meen, I decided to rent a car in celebration of the 25 and we go on a road trip to Melbourne!! It all sounded so exciting. Just the two of us. I couldn’t stop talking about it the whole way back home.

Little did I know.

The rest of them were all at home planning and preparing a surprise bday bash for me.

And I thought nothing will happen on my bday this year. It is just about to begin.

Now the rest is a beautiful, memorable birthday bash history.

10 Things in my Wish List

1. Cat/s
2. Guitar
3. Call Japan
4. Go Swiss again
5. Get a bloody CAR!!
6. Go on a road trip
7. Snuggle up with mowkie
8. A "cougar" glow in the dark puzzle
9. An enormous stuffed bear
10. Another piercing