today

ok.. i squeeze-in as much time i have to blog.. usually after running around multiple times a day and drop dead on the couch before nightfalls.. they should extend office hours to 10pm (hah.. i'm sure this statement evokes anger to many ppl hehee).. ok all docs for akad has finally settled.. next to worry is abt phg's approval.. mowkie's been jabbed and groomed.. she scowled at the other huge cat in the room til he pee-ed on the floor.. sighh.. ikut perangai siapa lah budak mowkie ni.. it's not that the big cat disturbed her or is in her way.. she had purposely went to him and scowled away.. poor big cat.. fit the harness on her and took her home 2 hours later.. then went to see the imam b'sar.. then to JAWI twice.. bought food.. elyn arrives..

now waiting for dear fiance to come over after his meeting at his office and off we'll go to get more things for the hantarans.. then tmrw to finalize things w the photographers.. thennnn off to phg..

sigh

oh met suk at ... during lunch! geez.. been so long!
ok yesterday ... said to papa, '.. nk dpt menantu lelaki sorang tak jemput' (sounds familiar?).. yea.. so i met his ppl and sent him a good card.. not that we don't want his presence, but he's not 'ordinary'.. there's so much things to change and consider if he shows up.. a big big chance he might be there when his PA said his schedule's clear on that day.. now everything's turned around.. i'd like to elaborate more if this is my diary.. anyway, always keep in mind our nawaitu.. nak bagi org makan.. nothing more than that.. when the nawaitu is right.. we hope for the best to happen..

insyallah

Reaching for you

10 days..
attires are being picked up together with 'bertandang's.. Daddy and Mommy emailed their flight itinery (YES! they're coming!! can you believe it??).. had such lovely evening yesterday with 2 dear friends in bangi.. gosh.. we've grown! there's 48 more bunga telurs to be done.. picked up our rings.. went for a final trial and final meeting with my makeup girl and picked up attires from my designer.. visited the dentist.. done my HIV test yesterday.. boo will be getting his letter tmrw morning.. hoping to see him tmrw or the day after.. got all my docs ready for papa n me.. updated the photographer.. sent most things back to phg.. met dodo's mom, had a gooooood long chat with do.. hung out with faiz.. babes.. our conversations.. that's what i missed most!

how do i feel..?
okay now the pressure's on.. less than 2 weeks left.. tyt just confirmed his attendance.. and it certainly doesn't help.. hhmmm.. lemme see.. so far, that's it.. oh and i've to make arrangements for my flower girls and boys.. hmm.. and everything else.. is out of my hands.. i just hope it all falls into place.. that much, i can do..

y'know.. with the guests papa's expecting, i don't even know quarter of them.. so, some familiar faces on the big day would really help.. if you ask me right now, i'm emotionally and mentally tormented..
but i put on a brave face everyday..
seek courage from every little piece of advice i hear..
seek ease from every little laughter i hear..
so they say it's not an easy road..
indeed..

but i won't deny this..
i am excited =)

-3 weeks-

So how am I feeling?
Of course excited..
and sad..
and nerve-wrecking..
and emotional..
and worried..
yet happy..
yea.. that's how it feels right now

what's been happening so far?
since I returned, we went Jakarta, and twice back to the 'home'..
last Thurs 'they' gathered almost 30 females frm ... to hold a second meeting for the big day
and 30 males at another venue to take care of the cooking..
all was organized by one of our closest, dearest family friend..
whom she referred us as one of her 'relatives'..
itinery has been updated..
some cards hv been sent out..
some received the honour of being given personally by hand..
Ma despite in a wheelchair went house by house in our hometown to give out some cards..
she insisted on having 2 'tabaks' instead of 1 (coz arwah tok would insist it if she were still alive)..
some people has also suggested to have 'malam berinai'..
most of them has planned not to sleep for 4 days 4 nights..
during the meeting I looked at papa n he mouthed to me.. "papa sediakan duit je.. everything is planned for by my ppl"..
with a proud but obviously tired face..
he whom jst recovered from CCU never utter a word of disappointment abt the wedding..
this is what he want..
it is all for him..
and nothing mends a broken heart like when i see him happy n healthy..
of course there are many things i'd prefer to have or not have..
i dreamt weddings as a little girl just the same..
so you think i'm lucky?
yes. i am. being loved this much.
but no. i don't think you'd want to be in my shoes.
it doesn't fit.
it takes years of understanding, courage and broken hearts..
i wish your life had been and still is easier than this..
last weekend (3rd n 4th) i dragged the excited-than-me abg to the marriage course..
a course every bride n groom to be has to attend to get married..
met Hilmi..
whom i don't think i've met since we were 15..
he came with his fiance..
today we bought the ring..
"the ring"..
Zalia agreed to decorate our hantarans..
there are approx 100 bunga telur need to be done..
tmrw to KLCC to get some things..
the bed-set arrived last Friday..

suprisingly, i must say,
i don't feel too busy and stressed as i anticipated..

a good sign?
i duno..

but i do feel our family are being watched at every single step we make closer to the big day..

so how?

My Stage

i talk in whispers
i look past people
i brace myself
i sit up straight
i put on a brave face
i stand up quicker
i sit down slower
i look at the time more often
i count the days carefully
i carry my heart around high on my chest
i don't stop to count my heartbeat anymore

i just do it

haven't u heard life is like a stage
so this is the role i play today

Distant Eyes

Her eyes looking at me
They are still the same
The way they dance when she talks
Oh the way she talks
Her smile
Her gestures
Her words are of wisdom
Her thoughts goes way beyond her years
Just how I remembered her before
That's just how she is

After 12 years..
She's still the same

Thanks for your time
It was lovely to meet you again
Ms. Bumblebee =)