-3 weeks-

So how am I feeling?
Of course excited..
and sad..
and nerve-wrecking..
and emotional..
and worried..
yet happy..
yea.. that's how it feels right now

what's been happening so far?
since I returned, we went Jakarta, and twice back to the 'home'..
last Thurs 'they' gathered almost 30 females frm ... to hold a second meeting for the big day
and 30 males at another venue to take care of the cooking..
all was organized by one of our closest, dearest family friend..
whom she referred us as one of her 'relatives'..
itinery has been updated..
some cards hv been sent out..
some received the honour of being given personally by hand..
Ma despite in a wheelchair went house by house in our hometown to give out some cards..
she insisted on having 2 'tabaks' instead of 1 (coz arwah tok would insist it if she were still alive)..
some people has also suggested to have 'malam berinai'..
most of them has planned not to sleep for 4 days 4 nights..
during the meeting I looked at papa n he mouthed to me.. "papa sediakan duit je.. everything is planned for by my ppl"..
with a proud but obviously tired face..
he whom jst recovered from CCU never utter a word of disappointment abt the wedding..
this is what he want..
it is all for him..
and nothing mends a broken heart like when i see him happy n healthy..
of course there are many things i'd prefer to have or not have..
i dreamt weddings as a little girl just the same..
so you think i'm lucky?
yes. i am. being loved this much.
but no. i don't think you'd want to be in my shoes.
it doesn't fit.
it takes years of understanding, courage and broken hearts..
i wish your life had been and still is easier than this..
last weekend (3rd n 4th) i dragged the excited-than-me abg to the marriage course..
a course every bride n groom to be has to attend to get married..
met Hilmi..
whom i don't think i've met since we were 15..
he came with his fiance..
today we bought the ring..
"the ring"..
Zalia agreed to decorate our hantarans..
there are approx 100 bunga telur need to be done..
tmrw to KLCC to get some things..
the bed-set arrived last Friday..

suprisingly, i must say,
i don't feel too busy and stressed as i anticipated..

a good sign?
i duno..

but i do feel our family are being watched at every single step we make closer to the big day..

so how?