Daddy dearest

It just hit me. Perhaps all my anxiety, worry, depression, mixed emotions came from realizing one thing that matters all my life.

*No longer a daddy's girl*

Don't get me wrong, baby. Spending my lifetime with you has always, always been playing in my mind and my dreams. Yet, still. I don't wanna be on my own. I still wanna hold on to daddy. I'm daddy's girl. I guess it'll hit me harder when the time comes for me to leave Msia and come back here with my future fiance.

I've no idea how people do it. How do you go from being a single person to having someone with you for the rest of your life? The transition is a huge step for me. It looks like an enormous gap for me to leap. I will leap, I'm sure I will. But how far do I go after that? Would I be walking straight or run? I do see him waiting for me on the other end. Yet at some parts of the journey it feels like I'll be going through it alone. Papa (as most fathers out there) has always, always wants (and he makes sure I get) the best for me. If every kid's dream in this world is to go to Disneyworld, he made sure I get to go. Not only one Disneyworld, but few disneys around the globe. If people dream of going to Paris, he made sure we (and my two brothers) get to go Paris and around Europe, not only once, but it has been 4 times. The sky is the limit with papa. Like Abg Zul once said recently, if my name's been uttered, say no more, and papa will provide.

I'm grateful for my fiance-to-be. He has been very supportive and encouraging. There's no one in the world I'd trade in to be in his shoes right now. He has been there since I was too young to even know how to wear makeup (he still teases me sometimes). He saw my flaws and listens to all my crazy thoughts. My insecurities, my worries, playing my 'what if' games (as he calls it), my smart thoughts and not-so-smart ones. He sees and listens to everything. Parts of me that I'm still ashamed of and parts that I'm proud of. He works hard for my dreams. So don't worry, papa because I believe and I trust that he will give me more if not, at par with what papa has and is giving me.

I pray a little harder now and my prayers are with you baby. God, if he is the one for me, for the rest of my life, then oh God please make my heart stronger to leave Papa's hold and to take his. Amin.